Since you all seem to want to know what I did yesterday (ok, no one really cares but I'm narcissistic so if you're stupid enough to sit here and read this, then by all means, be my guest and read on).
first of all, I don't know how I am awake right now. I had another black out sleep where I woke up not knowing where I was, and when I realized I was in my room, reached for my cup of water I usually leave next to my bed for days after benders such as yesterday's only to find this giant water liter and a half bottle which was literally a foot long by 3 inches or so. Maybe after this, I'll crank one out, take a nap, get some taco bell and call it a fucking day.
So yea, yesterday...
Started out with me waking up 4 hours later than I was supposed to. I had to wake up at like 6:45am and didn't wake up til almost 11am. Go me! Why couldn't i wake up? It may have had something to do with me and Scott getting taco bell and drinking gin mixed with this sparking cider his mom got him that looks like it was from the middle ages. It was so old and around 3 or 4am, we realized there was this sediment looking shit in our glasses (and probably destroying our insides as I type this) followed by drunken work out ethics which I think resulted in me taking swings at Scott (or wait, I think that was yesterday that I took swings at him... whatever).
So yea, Scott went to go pick up his car from the mechanic and then picked me up to go out.
We drove to this side street off McLean Ave, ironically called Scott St to park his car and walk to the train... which is like a mile away from where we parked. Whatever. It was an exercise. We transferred from to the 4 train? was it the 4? Yea, I think that's the one that took us to Union Square. It was a fucking square full of drunk ugly idiots yesterday, but whatever. We kept seeing this creepy old dude in a suit reading the paper. we kept trying to get his attention to fuck with him. I kept telling scott one of us should go up to him and just start rubbing him and wait to see how long it would take for him to start getting completely freaked out. Scott then tried making flirty winks at him to see if he'd freak out since the last time we saw him, he was on another platform when we transferred trains. but yea, whatever. That never happened and we just went back on our merry way to get sauced beyond recognition.
We met up Romil, Andrew, Anthony and Timmy D at Lillies. By the time we got in there everyone was shocked at how drunk Scott and I already were (yea, Scott made mixed drinks for me and him to drink on the train ride down and I basically killed mine in a matter of a few minutes and then chugged about the remaining fourth that was left of Scott's when we were outside the bar.
Scott, Romil and Timmy D eventually went to scout out other bars. They said they were gonna go to Union Bar but next thing I know I am sitting down with Scott outside at the tables on the side of Side Bar. Apparently Scott expected me to go get drinks when I showed up, but instead of walking through the front, I hopped the fence to the outdoor seating (now that I think of it, their security was pretty lack luster if I was able to leap a small fence with out anyone noticing... then again, it was a busy day). We had a beer each as me, Scott, Romil and Dennis, who had just recently showed up to Lillie's looking for us, set out to decide what we all wanted to do as we took shots of Jameson and whined about this and that. We stopped at a bar to use the bathroom as Scott and Romil did a jager bomb and a car bomb each waiting. We then went to Union bar which was in a sad state of affairs. Seriously, it was a real life version of what Moe's bar patrons in the Simpsons would look like.
We decided to go back to Lillie's where even more people met up. At some point, I went outside to have a smoke, ran into heather and her friend and I think I might've grabbed Heather's friend's ass now that I think of it... I know I was a jackass to her for some reason and I went off on some other girl who kinda shoved me out of her way. But, I don't think that was grounds for being not allowed back into the bar for the rest of the night (yes, I was kicked out around this time) and I saw Jose and 2 of his friends outside Lillie's trying to get into the way too over crowded bar.
Around this time, Jeff was with us too. Jeff, Scott and Romil hopped in one cab and me and Jose hopped in another cab to go to a bar Jeff knew the bartender at over on 45th street called Eamonn's. Weird name, right? But, whatever, it wasn't a bad deal at all. Jeff's friend gave us free drinks while we were there. For some reason, at one point in the night there, I convinced some kid I was jewish and kept making all these jewish jokes (I guess as to not offend him by having him think I was making fun of my own background as well? I don't remember). I remember something else happening between us and some girls in the bar that was just us verbally abusing them. Was it just me doing that? I can't remember. Maybe Scott too cause doing that kinda stuff is more our bag than it is for Jeff, Romil and Jose. Eventually, Romil left back for Lillie's to hang out with everyone else as Me, Jeff, Scott and Jose went even farther uptown to Tin Lizzie on 2nd and 85th cause apparently this kid Andrew we went to high school with and/or his brother own the bar. He said hello to us and gave us a round of shots on the house. This went on til I am pretty sure this bartender cut me off. I say this cause he would blatantly ignore me as I sat there waving money at him like a fucking asshole expecting him to get me my fucking gin and tonics. I had to make Jose and Jeff get me drinks cause Scott was too preoccupied with some girl throwing herself at him which, in turn, lead to me literally shoving him into her. I am pretty sure he wasn't too thrilled. And you may be asking why I started doing that? Well, the answer is fucking obvious. It was because I am a miserable and deranged fuck. I still think it was hilarious when I started "accidentally" falling into people so they would bump into them. That and when I would just push scott into girls walking past us. He on the other hand, was less than thrilled to say the least... and probably is gonna be pissed when he reads this and remembers now. Oh well, what can you do?
A little after this part in the night, when the girl stopped coming back every other minute to talk to Scott, some other girl was coming up the stairs from the bathroom and bumped into Scott or something. I wish I knew what he did or said cause she was LIVID! He then started saying some more shit to her that ended up in her taking a swing at him as 3 guys were holding her back. She was screaming obscenities as he just stood there with this smug look on his face, pointing at his cheek going "come on, you know you wanna. Try it." This didn't go on for too long cause two bouncers came over and asked me who started this scuffle. I just shrugged my shoulders and said "that bitch is fucking crazy and is trying to hit my friend for some reason." This was followed by the two bouncers dragging Scott out the side door of the place. I went outside to look for him and he was just leaning up against a street sign with this look of confusion.
We walked down the street to get some Two Boots pizza and that's when I realized that he forgot all about getting booted from the bar when I asked him what exactly he said or did to end up getting him kicked out. His response to me was, "I never got kicked out of the bar, what are you talking about?" and he was fucking serious. he didn't remember that whole ordeal, and this was like maybe 15 to 20 minutes after it happened. Haaa.
After the two of us were done with my slices that I bought for us, left in a cab down to Union Square again to meet whoever else was still around at Lillie's, totally forgetting that I wasn't even allowed back in (I guess we both had amnesia of getting kicked out of bars last night, now that i think of it). I called Romil and he said everyone went home or to another bar. So, instead, we went to one of the deli's on Park Ave in Union Square. I wonder what the fuck the owner is thinking today after seeing the surveillance tapes of us last night in there. This is the second time Scott and I went into a place like that and I was standing on the other side of the place, just screaming my conversation back and forth with Scott as the owner watches us stumbling all over the place, knocking things over, and slurring our words horribly. Funniest thing was, I think Scott's way to make it back to me for buying him pizza and paying for the cab was him over flowing a container with what ended up being 20 bucks and change of zucchini, plantains and sweet potatoes (it was as mushy and disgusting looking as it sounds). Ironically, I too bought him a water, that giant bottle of water that I awoke to placed on my night table this very morning. Neither of us wanted what the other had bought them and this turned into us arguing the entire walk to the subway, excuse me, on the walk to the park where Scott pissed in the middle of it as 2 cops were on the other side of the wall unaware to his doings transpiring. Although, there was a couple alone, together, on a bench in the park, obviously being romantic. That was, until Scott dropped trow and, while continuing to not back down from our argument, began pissing like a fucking race horse. Once the stream of piss was obvious, the two of them, got up, disgusted and stormed off as I laughed at them and congratulated Scott on ruining a date with his pissing.
The train ride was an experience and a half. Started with Scott wanting to transfer early and us sitting in the station, waiting forever, for a train that was never coming. Some guy told me to ease off of Scott cause I was going off about how he should stop trying to plan train shit with me since I am the one who takes the subways a hell of a lot more than him. We got on the train and maybe a stop or two in, this one guy comes on, sounding like that idiot in the jail scene of Mo' Money. (and yes, I found a video of the scene on youtube if you're a stupid moron who is too dumb to not realize that Mo' Money is a fucking hilarious movie):
ANYWAY, this guy kept saying shit like "I never went to Rikers, But I go if I have to!" and all this other stupid shit. I on the other hand kept quoting shit from Mo Money after Scott yelled "SHUT UP, MO MONEY!" numerous times during this guy's rants. Mainly the jail scene and shit from Reverend Pimp Daddy (as shown below):
Yea, at one point, this woman with her child was kinda speaking indirectly to us to calm down, This was maybe around the time when I was telling Scott that I didn't have my switch blade on me and that if he was gonna keep yelling at this guy, I'm not gonna jump into the brawl... unless he's getting his ass handed to him like it was an unwanted report card.
Eventually, the guy got off the train and so did the woman (who I question why she had her 5 year old son with her at like 3 in the morning on a subway train full of drunks, addicts and vagrants). A few stops later, Scott and I transferred to a 5 train to take it back up to Yonkers. That ride consisted mainly of he and I continuing into what was about an hour of us arguing with each other like an old married couple, only taking breaks for me to keep telling Scott to touch the fat black dude's gut as he snored like a mother fucker on the train and some couple sitting across and to the right stared at us in shock and awe.
Sooner or later, we got back to Yonkers and had a good mile ahead of us back to Scott's car that consisted of me just complaining that he should go get the car and then turn around to pick up my dying body that was sure to be found in the gutter by the end of the night. Instead, he just said to hot step it, asked me to see his bag of veggies he gave me, and then threw it off the bridge onto the train tracks cause he knew neither of us were gonna eat the rest of that slop. This was followed by pissing between two pickup trucks in a bar's parking lot on McLean and then us hopping in Scott's car shortly after.
The ride home consisted of me laying there, eyes closed, repeatedly demanding Scott put Poker Face on as he kept replying to shut up and then just looping Telephone almost the entire ride home.
I don't recall how I got in the house. I do recall struggling to get my pants off and just repeatedly kicking in the air like a child, as I was laying down, to try and get them off. I found them in a ball in the corner of my room this morning when I was looking for them.
and yea, that was my night. Aren't you glad you wasted your time reading this go nowhere nonsense which is also known as my life?
Oh, and by the way, you should go to the Crack-A-Thon hosted by Gwar at the MF Gallery in Brooklyn. I'm supposed to go to the kick off party and then I just reserved my seat for one of the shows Friday night. Good times, and I'm probably the only person, besides Jared who I am going with, that still likes Gwar.
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