So, the usual daily driver I've been driving is basically done for. I got a Camry to replace the old Chrysler as my daily driver. But, here's the thing. I almost got hit or run off the road several times since I got this damn thing.
Day one. Nothing too bad. Well, on my drive to the DMV to switch the plates from the Chrysler to the Camry, I bore witness to a Taxi nail right into some moron driving an Impala who may or may not have ran a red light and smashed right in front of me. The Impala spun a good 90 degrees upon impact. The weirdest thing of all, though? There was no dents, not even a scratch that I could tell on either car. I mean, I didn't stay long to check since I had to swerve around the two cars and get around any other oncoming cars so I didn't get into an accident myself.
Nothing else really happened that day. WELL, I went to the NY Auto Show and realized it was quite possibly THE WORST car show held by them that I have ever been witness to. There was barely any cars there, and the cars that were there sucked. That, and all the animals of New York seemed to be there taking pictures and videos of themselves in luxury cars. On the ride home I did however have to slam on the breaks and swerve because a deer lunged right in front of me. I'm sure the neighbors enjoyed me honking the horn and cursing out a fucking deer at 2 in the morning, though.
Today, thought, was horrendous with horrible close calls and other road side oddities. Lets see, where to start. Oh yes, at around 7:15am, a short bus literally ran me off the road getting off the Mosholu Parkway in the Bronx (I've been cutting through Grand Concourse lately to skip traffic on 87 to get to Harlem on time in the morning). This damn idiot cut in front of me so hard that I had to swerve and hit my tire into the curb on the off-ramp... thus leading to me cursing like a demon at a fucking bus driver.
Incident #2 today: on my drive home for lunch, I was driving down the Sprain and a ghetto ass mongoloid, dew-rag whipping in the wind, was speeding, and for some reason, decided to cut right in front of me, causing me to slam on my breaks, swerve, and yet again curse up a storm.
Incident #3: Driving down the Mosholu, AGAIN, there was construction. The left lane had to merge into the right lane, the lane I was in. Everyone was merging into the right lane like human beings... except this one fucker in a white Dodge Charger. Captain Cool decides it's a better idea to gun it as hard as possible into the orange construction barrels, and cut it into me, ONCE AGAIN, causing me to slam on the breaks, swerve, and this time gun it after him screaming like a lunatic out the window.
But, this incident wasn't the only one in this drive into Harlem. Shortly after, a cretin in a mini van started tailgating me shortly after I got off of Grand Concourse and crossed the 145th street bridge. This time though, I must've pissed her off for not going insanely over the speed limit, so she cut around me and gunned it... RIGHT INTO A FUCKING BEE-LINE BUS! You know I pointed and laughed as the woman was backing her mini van away from the bus to see she smashed in the entire right front side of her stupid mini van she decided to try and drive like Steve McQueen in.
And then, after all was said and done and I was heading home from Harlem for the day, I turned the corner from Convent Ave onto 135th street, I was a few seconds late to witness another mini van slam into a brand new Chevy Suburban that was used by a limo service. As I was trying to get around the traffic caused by this situation, some mongo in another mini van flies around the corner and nearly clips me. I gave him the look of death as he had this scared look on her face.
The final situation, at least with me driving this car today, ended up with a stand still traffic jam on 87 headed north. I tried getting off the off ramp to head to Central Ave to get around traffic via the Sprain. Problem was, two trucks swerved in front of me and made it impossible for me to get off 87 without hitting either of the two trucks... so, being completely fed up with all the close calls and situations that I went through today, I decided to just floor it in reverse and then drive off the on ramp, backwards, to get onto the Central Ave and take it home from there. Yea... and this isn't the first time I've done that either (although, the levels of my sanity the first time were questionable as well, but for other reasons).
Oh, and so, in other news, my sister and I went to Dingbatz tonight to look for her credit card that she realized she left there last time we all went there on Saturday to see the show. On the way there, I can't count how many times my sister got cut off (and yes, most of which were mini vans doing so). On the GWB coming home, a suv kept swerving til my sister honked at her, when we passed them, they honked at us and we realized it was just a buncha angry Hasidic Jews who began shaking their fists at us. Then there was the girl we saw being held down by 2 cops as a EMS guy was trying to hop the divider from the other side of the Saw Mill. I couldn't hear what the girl was screaming, but she looked all kinds of drugged up and trying to resist arrest. This was followed by seeing a swarm of cops left and right flying up and down the north and south sides of the Saw Mill. Fucking random.
In other news, I'd like to share a quick but funny story Jeff told me about the last time he was working the bar at the Grand Ballroom in NYC. It was for this benefit for Haiti that Sean Paul was throwing. First of all, Jeff said to me and Scott "I have never seen people so disgusting and animalistic people he has ever seen... and this is coming from me." Jeff starts his story by telling us that within the first 2 hours of the event, all the Hennessy had been drank. Keep in mind it was a 9 hour event and the place was supposed to have enough to last all 9 hours. People kept coming up to him, demanding Hennessy and he kept telling them there was none and saying shit like "I can't serve you any cause you drank it all." One guy offered Jeff 200 bucks for a bottle thinking the place was holding out on the people for some reason. Jeff was saying how the ballroom buys Hennessy bottles for 80 bucks and 200 wouldn't be near enough to pay for one if you were to buy it at the place (if you don't know how bottle service is charged, they figure how much each drink costs per serving, and then multiply that by how many servings are in the bottle). Jeff then said, at one point, bouncer came over to Jeff and asked him how the night was going for him. Jeff went on to say these people drank all the Hennessy, weren't tipping him at all, and that they were just straight up disgusting and rude to him. The bouncer went on to say that in all the years he's been working as a bouncer, he has never seen so many fights break out in one place, and that he had to break up a fight every 5 minutes or so. By the end of the night, when they were closed and people were breaking down the bar for the night and cleaning up, Jeff did his usual rounds of the place to see if anyone dropped any money or weed on the floor during the concert. Instead, what he found was torn out clumps of weaves, splatters of blood and used condoms strewn across the floor.
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