Memories Of Last Night Are Spotted At Best

So, after work I went home to walk into the bathroom and discover a layer of ice had formed in the toilet. I took quick and swift care of that with my dick (I pissed all over that fucker til it melted). Packed up some shit into a duffle bag (I seriously need to look into a new duffle bag, maybe that's how I'll spend my day at work today, looking for a new one). Where the hell was I going with this? Oh yea, duffle bag packed, threw some clothes on, hopped in my mom's car and she dropped me off at TJ's... which, as we were driving down the street, noticed lights coming on in the houses on my block. (I later found out the lights are the ONLY thing to come back on. Dunno if heat is back yet, but phones, cable and internet are SHIT from what I'm told).

Whatever, went to Tj's sat around drinking a few beers, telling Evan the girl he's gonna meet up smells like farts while he played Super Mario, watched TJ eat coconut shrimp his sister made for him, and eventually went on our merry way to the Bogota VFW that the Doomsday Prophecy was playing at.

We rolled up and hung out outside with a few of the guys and eventually helped them in so TJ could sneak in without having to pay (I on the other hand, drunkenly harassed JV to give me a ticket when we were all hanging out at Loki's for the superbowl a few weeks back). But yea, upon enterting, it was your standard VFW crowd. You know, kids you know should not be walking around with red cups full of beer from the bar in there, kids wearing shit like basketball shorts and a band shirt that flat out says "FUCK YOU" across the back. Lots of gyrations that are called "dancing" these days. Lots of bands with their chugga-chugga and their woo woo's! I dunno. If you've ever been to a VFW show lately, you know what I mean. The bands were good, but you know...

Before I go on, I must say the bar in that VFW was the bar that time forgot. It was like stepping into a portal to the Vietnam War, or possibly right after it. The place had this heinous wallpaper straight out of the late 60s/early 70s. Parts of it looked like it was an old Vietnamese hut, there was tinsel everywhere, and I swear to God there was dust on some of the bottles in that joint. I also swear the girl bartending was giving me water and telling me it was gin. She kept staring at me, but I wasn't gonna hit on her cause she had this look to her that just let you know she was a bitchy pain in the fucking ass when she's not working.

Two things happend during the DP set (dude, their initials are DP... being billed as double penetration would be a hilarious name for a secret show). But yea, things... First blood was drawn. Some kid nailed into Lindsay during one of the first songs, causing her to spill beer all over the floor. This lead to the plot of this kid's nose getting smashed the fuck open when he slipped on it and blood gushed this way and that.

This guy running the show came out mopping up the blood and TJ came up with the genius idea to start mock-mopping and pretending he's making up new dance moves to perform while the guys were playing.

Um... oh yea, and this kid who wants to fight JV showed up cause apparently Bogota is "his turf" or some shit? I dunno, all I know is he has "beef" with JV over some seriosuly petty shit that JV doesn't give two shits about. His posse was 3 girl. One more troll of women than the next. They all just stood near the area JV was playing bass near, staring at him with disgruntled faces apparently. From what I'm told, the one that's this kid's sister spit at JV and Eric's dad saw this and grabbed her and was like "what the FUCK are you doing?" and was asking "why in the hell would you spit at someone?" JV at one point between songs, called the kid out and was like "there's these people standing over here, staring at me, trying to fight me or something and I'm pretty sure most of the people in this room would love to jump in on a fight if one broke out with you." The kid and the 3 girls walked off and then came back again doing the same lame "i'm tough, I'm gonna beat you up" fucking BULLSHIT. This time, the kid started walking towards where JV was playing and Ed just told the kid to fuck off. The kid started walking closer and Ed smacked the beer right out of the kids hand and told him to fuck off again, followed by Eric's dad basically grabbing this kid by the neck and dragging him out of the VFW.

The girls stuck around and just sat there staring while Ed and Eric's dad just stood there in front of them staring back telling em to get the fuck out if they weren't there to see the show. Seriously, these mongoloids paid 12 bucks each to be fucking grade A morons who aren't intimidating at all (one of them looked like her hobbies included combing the tails of her My Little Ponies), to then only realize that they are also out sized, out classed and out numbered.

Load out included the sister walking over and just straight up standing there and staring at JV as he waited for Brian to roll the van around to load the shit into followed by Ed going "OH SHIT! SHE WANTS TO EAT YOU!" and "Does he look like a big mac to you? stop staring at him."

This nonsense continued more when we went to the bar down the block after everything was said and done. How so? Captian I'm gonna show up to a concert and stand there like a jackass was at the bar. Apparently Lindsay and Jojo were just fed up with these kids so they went up to him and go "there he is, right there. There's JV. Go beat him up." the kid was like "nah... you're lying. that's not him." (Yea, it was some other dude with long hair, a goatee, tattoos and a danzig hoodie on). I assume the kid left through the backdoor cause I don't think he walked past the lot of us hanging out near the end of the bar closest to the front of the place (There was about 15 to 20 of us, ontop of the dudes that came over to drink with us that I had no clue who they were, getting drunk and rowdy in that joint now that I think of it... sweet lord).

A lot of the night included dancing like a jackass. People yelling for me to watch out before I got nailed in the head with a dart from people playing darts and um... I dunno, more drunken jackassery.

The last thing I remember before waking up in TJ's driveway was me dragging Deirdre over to this guy I kept calling Mr Tomasides (cause he looked like my middle school's old band teacher who inturn, looked like a fucking retard and a half). So yea, dragged Deirdre against her will towards this guy and made her pretend to hit on him for my own amusement, yes I'm a horrible person who wanted a quick laugh at making deirdre hit on some guy against her will and watching as him perk up with excitement thinking an attractive woman was actually interested in him. Then I dragged her to this big black girl I kept calling Kool-Aid cause she was wearing this big purple shirt which kept causing me to yell over and over again "WATER! SUGAR! PURPLE! THAT'S KOOL-AID!" She was gonna ask if she was one of Oprah's friends or something. I dunno, Deirdre kept rambling on about how she looked like someone on the Oprah show or her friend or her I don't know the fuck what. Regardless, that was short lived and resulted in both of us heading back to our seats at the bar.

We eventually left, and all else I remeber was I kept repeating the repetative part of Mistadobalina by Del the Funky Homosapien.

Oh, and waking up, getting dressed, and then heading to this shit hole to waste time typing this shit up.

Oh, and Germs moved to Texas for a little bit? I was informed? I think me being informed about the party was "why did you never get back to me." - Me "There was a big party at Brian's." - Loki "oh, ok." - Me. If that constitues for being invited to Germs' going away party then... I dunno what. I'm gonna have to find out his address and mail him out obscure and retarded things like pictures of me with a bottle of gin playing Call of Duty and CD-Rs of nothing but me going "Meow, what are you doing?"

Fuck This Weather

So, I got a ride to work when I probably didn't have to show up today. Why am I here? A) I get paid to fuck around and do dick all day here. B) I HAVE NO FUCKING POWER IN MY HOUSE. It is like an ice box.

Thank the beyond shitty weather for all of this.

Thursday, around 10am, I was driving home from Harlem. Well, first of all, I drove into Harlem around 7am and it was already starting to snow. 10am's drive home included people driving like retards, assholes and utter morons. I got home and started shoveling. AS soon as I was done shoveling, I turned around to see that the entire walkway and driveway wre covered as if I didn't shovel a damn thing. I cursed at the sky, threw my shovel at the wall in the front of my house and stormed inside muttering angry rants to myself.

Made myself some soup and passed the fuck out. Woke up to texts and an alarm for something I was watching on ebay. fell asleep. Woke up around 3, made more soup, fell back asleep... As you can see, I made the most out of my Thursday.

At around 9 or so, Scott was saying for me to walk down to his house. I think around 10 or so at night I finally got my ass out of bed, opened the door and took a step into the snow. That's when I realized there's more stairs to my front door than I saw , and I was about knee deep in snow. Cursed that I got snow in my shoe, grabbed the shovel that I had thrown at the wall earlier and started to dig my ass out. I got to the driveway when I realize the neighbor's house had a tree down in their yard and driveway. I also had the pleasure of said neighbor pulling up to their house from work to discover this. He drove by once, stopped, stared, drove away, came back, from another angle, stared, and then drove off to the font of his house and parked on the grass (he lives on a corner driveway is on my street, front yard is on the other street).

After hearing trees falling all over and the tree in my front yard cracking and branches starting to come down, I realize I was not gonna walk to his house (seeing an orange glow that I'm sure was a generator on fire and seeing blue flashes in the sky also helped my judgement on not going too). Good thing I didn't go anyway, cause an hour later Scott said his power went out.

Woke up at 8am Friday morning. made breakfast. Shoveled. 4 hours later and 5 hardcore albums on my ipod later, I shoveled an assload of snow out of my driveway and got my mom's car dug out (ok, so I would pause during some sick breakdowns in the songs I was listening to so that I could play the shovel like a guitar and thrash around til the breakdowns were said and done... seriously must've creeped out the neighbors).

Came in for some lunch and Scott texted me saying he was gonna come with a bottle of booze attached to his neck like a St Bernard to get drunk and play Call of Duty with me. I showered, shaved and let Scott in cause we got some sick timing. We played for maybe an hour or so when we heard a loud explosions followed by the power going out. Power came back on a few seconds later, followed by an even louder explosion which was thus followed by the power going out, for good.

From there, we wandered. Scott and I cut through the Cemetary to get to his house. Cutting across fields of nothing but snow was a bad idea. Our ideas on how to get across were worse:



Here, you see Scott's attempt at ROLLING across the cemetary. I laughed at him, but my idea to crawl was even worse. Face first in snow, struggling to get out of this frozen quicksand leading to soggy ground full of the dead. Gross and horrible.

We eventually got out of there alive and walked down to his house for some snacks and to see if Scott had power back. Nope. Started walking and ran into Dash. Ended up fucking around in front of his house, helped him shovel his car out, and laughed some more. Forgot how hilarious the kid is and Scott and I agreed we should see Cop Out cause of such (he plays a hispanic drug dealer that gets his ass beat by Bruce Willis in that movie).

Eventually, we got hungry, left back for Scott's house and got his mom's car. We then went to venture for food and realized Burger King was open. Scott started yelling that he wished the whole town could be cleared out and have power like Burger King.

While in there, we over heard 2 Con Ed employees laughing about people in my town trying to stop them and them just waving back and driving off laughing. I did not care when I whipped my Sick of it All scarf around my neck violently causing it to what I hope resulted in an obnoxious smack to the guy's head/face.

Scott then dropped me off back at my house cause we were gonna meet up Jose and Britany since she was back visiting from Canada again. What resulted was me taking a shower in the dark, yelling about cold water, falling all over the place trying to get dressed with nothing but a flashlight the size of a pencil to shed some lightin the room (seriously, look at this thing):


(Yes, it says budwiser. Me and Tj got these for free at some bar somewhere a few months back).

Oh, and doing my hair up in the dark? fucking classic. For someone who couldn't see shit i did a pretty damn good job doing my hair up all nice-like. Must be my ginzo powers.

Scott got me and we drove around scouting out the roads to make sure we could get to the bar and back, etc, while waiting for Merideth to get her ass in gear for us to go out.

Apparently Jose and Brittany both bailed on us but 2 of Merideth's friends showed up. Ron Black's was closed and that annoyed us cause we ended up going to the Brazen Fox aka sleaze bag city (which is sad since the other bars on that block are even worse. Black Bear is like a scene out of a Jersey Shore episode most of the time).

Whatever. A few gins here, a few shots of jager there, shit was picking up. Highlights of weirdness? I was walking to the bathroom and this drunk girl dancing by herself in the hallway to the bathrooms sees me, stops dancing, jumps in front of the men's bathroom door and goes "you wanna go to the bathroom, don't you?" I replied with something along the lines of "either that or I like hanging out in empty hallways that lead to bathrooms." She told me we had to have a danceoff to see if I could get in or not. I shook my ass a few times and did some Michael Jackson-esq kick and she was like "ok, fine." as I opened the door, this guy washing his hands turn his head and see what I guess was his girlfriend dancing behind me following me into the bathroom. He was like "What the HELL!" and started yelling about dancing with his girlfriend and chased her out of the bathroom. This guy in there beside me and I just looked at each other and I shrugged my shoulders and went off to piss.

Another bathroom incident, even weirder, consisted of me going in there while some dude was washing his hands. this time, he started whistling as I was walking towards urinal. Then, he goes to a urinal near me and starts whistling to get my attention. I forced myself to piss as hard and fast as possible, did minimal shakage, and then bee-lined it out of there.

Another incident included me and a few other people smoking outside fucking with these guys trying to park their car in this spot their car couldn't fit in. And then, for some reason, I got 2 of the guys and 1 girl outside start quoting Danny Devito's lines from Batman Returns. Basically, got them all going "QUACK, GET IN THE DUCK!"

Final random occurance to happen before I went home? This girl starts STARING at me, HARD as she walked outside for a second shortly after the whole "get in the duck" part of the night. I'm like "why is this bitch just grilling me?" Turns out it was this girl, better known as "THE SKUNK" that grew up near me. She's known as the skunk cause all the kids on the school bus would make fun of how she smelled and would try and cover it up with her mom's perfume, causing her to smell WORSE! and leading to gang choruses of the entire bus singing shit like "ol' McDonald had a skunk" and so on and so forth (God, causing childhood mental scars are fun, aren't they?) Anyway, yea, so I realized who it was and smirked and then started laughing, basically in her face as she walked away. I pointed her out to Scott later when she came back in (cause she apparently met up the girls at the booth behind where I was sitting) and we giggled like little girls muttering "skunk!" back and forth to one another in low volumes.

That was pretty much my night cause Scott and/or Merideth wanted to go home early (which I obviously complained about not wanting to go home so early). I got dropped off, stumbled into the dark as fuck kitchen, used my flashlight to find a jar of peanut butter and some bread. I was gonna go for the jelly, but didn't wanna open the fridge since either A) I'd be drunk and leave it open like a jackass causing everything to go bad even faster, and B) I was fucking too lazy. So, I made a nice peanut butter and peanut butter sandwich. Ate it on the stagger to my room, walking into walls and shit. fell a few times getting undressed and then dressed into my sweats and GNR hoodie I found by feeling around my closet like a blind fuck, and then went to sleep cocooned in my faux down blanket (my sister really scored big time finding these vegan friendly faux blankets at some store, they're not rediculously bulky and yet they're warm as fuck!

So, this morning, I woke up, saw the police line at the end of my block was finally down cause someone fixed the downed power lines, the road was clear cause of the plows being able to finally come down my street, and there was a wall of ice and snow at the end of my driveway. Looked at my car (still buried in snow) and told my mom I needed a ride. I hacked and chopped a path for my mom's car, took her car, Floored it in reverse, sending it flying into the and spinning on ice, evned it out, told her to drive since she needed the car, adn then went to work.

The town is like a frozen version of Mad Max. chaos. Streets closed, makeshift stop signs at busy intersections where there's no power to the traffic lights, mounds of snow where cars were parked on the sides of roads, etc.

Fucking ridiculous. I gotta stay at TJ's tonight cause hell if I'm staying in an ice box for a house... and did I mention, when I called Con Ed this morning, you get an automated voice telling you power will not be restored to my area until Tuesday the earliest? Fucking FANTASTIC!