Thank the beyond shitty weather for all of this.
Thursday, around 10am, I was driving home from Harlem. Well, first of all, I drove into Harlem around 7am and it was already starting to snow. 10am's drive home included people driving like retards, assholes and utter morons. I got home and started shoveling. AS soon as I was done shoveling, I turned around to see that the entire walkway and driveway wre covered as if I didn't shovel a damn thing. I cursed at the sky, threw my shovel at the wall in the front of my house and stormed inside muttering angry rants to myself.
Made myself some soup and passed the fuck out. Woke up to texts and an alarm for something I was watching on ebay. fell asleep. Woke up around 3, made more soup, fell back asleep... As you can see, I made the most out of my Thursday.
At around 9 or so, Scott was saying for me to walk down to his house. I think around 10 or so at night I finally got my ass out of bed, opened the door and took a step into the snow. That's when I realized there's more stairs to my front door than I saw , and I was about knee deep in snow. Cursed that I got snow in my shoe, grabbed the shovel that I had thrown at the wall earlier and started to dig my ass out. I got to the driveway when I realize the neighbor's house had a tree down in their yard and driveway. I also had the pleasure of said neighbor pulling up to their house from work to discover this. He drove by once, stopped, stared, drove away, came back, from another angle, stared, and then drove off to the font of his house and parked on the grass (he lives on a corner driveway is on my street, front yard is on the other street).
After hearing trees falling all over and the tree in my front yard cracking and branches starting to come down, I realize I was not gonna walk to his house (seeing an orange glow that I'm sure was a generator on fire and seeing blue flashes in the sky also helped my judgement on not going too). Good thing I didn't go anyway, cause an hour later Scott said his power went out.
Woke up at 8am Friday morning. made breakfast. Shoveled. 4 hours later and 5 hardcore albums on my ipod later, I shoveled an assload of snow out of my driveway and got my mom's car dug out (ok, so I would pause during some sick breakdowns in the songs I was listening to so that I could play the shovel like a guitar and thrash around til the breakdowns were said and done... seriously must've creeped out the neighbors).
Came in for some lunch and Scott texted me saying he was gonna come with a bottle of booze attached to his neck like a St Bernard to get drunk and play Call of Duty with me. I showered, shaved and let Scott in cause we got some sick timing. We played for maybe an hour or so when we heard a loud explosions followed by the power going out. Power came back on a few seconds later, followed by an even louder explosion which was thus followed by the power going out, for good.
From there, we wandered. Scott and I cut through the Cemetary to get to his house. Cutting across fields of nothing but snow was a bad idea. Our ideas on how to get across were worse:
Here, you see Scott's attempt at ROLLING across the cemetary. I laughed at him, but my idea to crawl was even worse. Face first in snow, struggling to get out of this frozen quicksand leading to soggy ground full of the dead. Gross and horrible.
We eventually got out of there alive and walked down to his house for some snacks and to see if Scott had power back. Nope. Started walking and ran into Dash. Ended up fucking around in front of his house, helped him shovel his car out, and laughed some more. Forgot how hilarious the kid is and Scott and I agreed we should see Cop Out cause of such (he plays a hispanic drug dealer that gets his ass beat by Bruce Willis in that movie).
Eventually, we got hungry, left back for Scott's house and got his mom's car. We then went to venture for food and realized Burger King was open. Scott started yelling that he wished the whole town could be cleared out and have power like Burger King.
While in there, we over heard 2 Con Ed employees laughing about people in my town trying to stop them and them just waving back and driving off laughing. I did not care when I whipped my Sick of it All scarf around my neck violently causing it to what I hope resulted in an obnoxious smack to the guy's head/face.
Scott then dropped me off back at my house cause we were gonna meet up Jose and Britany since she was back visiting from Canada again. What resulted was me taking a shower in the dark, yelling about cold water, falling all over the place trying to get dressed with nothing but a flashlight the size of a pencil to shed some lightin the room (seriously, look at this thing):
(Yes, it says budwiser. Me and Tj got these for free at some bar somewhere a few months back).
Oh, and doing my hair up in the dark? fucking classic. For someone who couldn't see shit i did a pretty damn good job doing my hair up all nice-like. Must be my ginzo powers.
Scott got me and we drove around scouting out the roads to make sure we could get to the bar and back, etc, while waiting for Merideth to get her ass in gear for us to go out.
Apparently Jose and Brittany both bailed on us but 2 of Merideth's friends showed up. Ron Black's was closed and that annoyed us cause we ended up going to the Brazen Fox aka sleaze bag city (which is sad since the other bars on that block are even worse. Black Bear is like a scene out of a Jersey Shore episode most of the time).
Whatever. A few gins here, a few shots of jager there, shit was picking up. Highlights of weirdness? I was walking to the bathroom and this drunk girl dancing by herself in the hallway to the bathrooms sees me, stops dancing, jumps in front of the men's bathroom door and goes "you wanna go to the bathroom, don't you?" I replied with something along the lines of "either that or I like hanging out in empty hallways that lead to bathrooms." She told me we had to have a danceoff to see if I could get in or not. I shook my ass a few times and did some Michael Jackson-esq kick and she was like "ok, fine." as I opened the door, this guy washing his hands turn his head and see what I guess was his girlfriend dancing behind me following me into the bathroom. He was like "What the HELL!" and started yelling about dancing with his girlfriend and chased her out of the bathroom. This guy in there beside me and I just looked at each other and I shrugged my shoulders and went off to piss.
Another bathroom incident, even weirder, consisted of me going in there while some dude was washing his hands. this time, he started whistling as I was walking towards urinal. Then, he goes to a urinal near me and starts whistling to get my attention. I forced myself to piss as hard and fast as possible, did minimal shakage, and then bee-lined it out of there.
Another incident included me and a few other people smoking outside fucking with these guys trying to park their car in this spot their car couldn't fit in. And then, for some reason, I got 2 of the guys and 1 girl outside start quoting Danny Devito's lines from Batman Returns. Basically, got them all going "QUACK, GET IN THE DUCK!"
Final random occurance to happen before I went home? This girl starts STARING at me, HARD as she walked outside for a second shortly after the whole "get in the duck" part of the night. I'm like "why is this bitch just grilling me?" Turns out it was this girl, better known as "THE SKUNK" that grew up near me. She's known as the skunk cause all the kids on the school bus would make fun of how she smelled and would try and cover it up with her mom's perfume, causing her to smell WORSE! and leading to gang choruses of the entire bus singing shit like "ol' McDonald had a skunk" and so on and so forth (God, causing childhood mental scars are fun, aren't they?) Anyway, yea, so I realized who it was and smirked and then started laughing, basically in her face as she walked away. I pointed her out to Scott later when she came back in (cause she apparently met up the girls at the booth behind where I was sitting) and we giggled like little girls muttering "skunk!" back and forth to one another in low volumes.
That was pretty much my night cause Scott and/or Merideth wanted to go home early (which I obviously complained about not wanting to go home so early). I got dropped off, stumbled into the dark as fuck kitchen, used my flashlight to find a jar of peanut butter and some bread. I was gonna go for the jelly, but didn't wanna open the fridge since either A) I'd be drunk and leave it open like a jackass causing everything to go bad even faster, and B) I was fucking too lazy. So, I made a nice peanut butter and peanut butter sandwich. Ate it on the stagger to my room, walking into walls and shit. fell a few times getting undressed and then dressed into my sweats and GNR hoodie I found by feeling around my closet like a blind fuck, and then went to sleep cocooned in my faux down blanket (my sister really scored big time finding these vegan friendly faux blankets at some store, they're not rediculously bulky and yet they're warm as fuck!
So, this morning, I woke up, saw the police line at the end of my block was finally down cause someone fixed the downed power lines, the road was clear cause of the plows being able to finally come down my street, and there was a wall of ice and snow at the end of my driveway. Looked at my car (still buried in snow) and told my mom I needed a ride. I hacked and chopped a path for my mom's car, took her car, Floored it in reverse, sending it flying into the and spinning on ice, evned it out, told her to drive since she needed the car, adn then went to work.
The town is like a frozen version of Mad Max. chaos. Streets closed, makeshift stop signs at busy intersections where there's no power to the traffic lights, mounds of snow where cars were parked on the sides of roads, etc.
Fucking ridiculous. I gotta stay at TJ's tonight cause hell if I'm staying in an ice box for a house... and did I mention, when I called Con Ed this morning, you get an automated voice telling you power will not be restored to my area until Tuesday the earliest? Fucking FANTASTIC!
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