Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

So, yesterday's nothing turned into me going to the Palisades, eventually going to Buffalo Wild Wings in there and following that up with tanking down 2 22oz Cherry Wheats with a veggie burger that had Blazin' Sauce slopped all over it (and later lead to some hilarious gas issues that resulted in Mary yelling at me to stop farting near her later in the night). I bought some asshole looking sun glasses from one of those kiosks that is run by a pushy Asian lady and her silent oger that just stood there looming with boxes in hand filled with sun glasses to hand to her at a seconds notice. Then, in the corner of my eye I saw this bad ass Spider-Man shirt on sale hanging up in one of those stupid shirt and sneaker corner stores with the name "journey" or "journies" in the name. Didn't have the shirt in my size but I found an equally badass and uber nerd Wolverine shirt. Then, I discovered a cooler Wolverine shirt and kicked myself for not getting it, til I noticed it had a phrase worded wrong and my super inner nerd told me it couldn't live with me if I got that shirt.

This was followed by sitting in traffic for God knows how long cause of car after car broken down on the highway. Eventually made it to Loki's to head out to the studio to pack up all the gear to bring to the show they were playing last night. Loki tried buying a large van to move the equiptment with, but instead, found all the place had left was a box truck... a very broken down and ghetto box truck. I rolled up to Loki's as he was walking out the door. I just looked at him, looked at the truck, and said "are you kidding me?" The thing looked something like this:



...only there were no break pads, the shocks were so bad it was like the Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang ride and Loki's brother was saying this and that were cracked on the engine. Like I said to Loki as we were going down the highway in that thing "this thing stinks of safety" (I also was saying that because the fumes coming out of it were noxious beyond belief).

Load in wasn't too bad. Me and Loki showed up in the truck, Bob and JV followed (more like got lost along the way, I think) and Brian and Eric were already there waiting for us.

Showed up to the place they were playing at. It was attached to this... I was gonna say strip club, but the only stripping done, which was done by a um, shall we say "thick" girl, lead to her still wearing clothes under the already barely there clothes she had on. I don't even wanna go into how their cold, clamy skin, how one of them had bruises all over and I kept asking if the thick girl had a tattoo on her ass or if someone decked her in the ass cheek.

Did I mention Bob and I were broke beyond belief? I had enough to buy he and I a beer each and 2 singles left over to tip two of the strippers. Those fucking clothed vultures could smell a dollar from a mile away. Bob was saying "no tits, no tip" should be the motto while there. First girl came up to me, no tits, and I just look at her blankly, drinking my beer, and eventually say "what?" She just sat there, started stroking her hair, and then kinda turns. I, still with the blank look on my face, playing dumb, once again ask, "what do you want?" to her. Then she did that ass presenting thing all the girls did there and turned around expecting a dollar. I looked at Bob and go "ugh, I guess I have to give her a dollar," and as she went to open her shirt up for me to put it in there I kinda just tossed it at her so she'd leave me alone. Another one eventually came by and did the same thing and I threw it in her shirt, and felt some cold clammy boobage. (which brings me to how Mary brought attention to the fact they should be working up a sweat, not some cold, drug addict, sweat... but then again, they are strippers and I'm sure they're on some kinda meth amphetamines at all times). Oh, and the little behind shake I'm referring to that they did? It was something similar to what Pablo Francisco does when telling a strip club story:



Eventually, the last 2 bucks I had on me where gone (yea, THAT took long) and me and Bob would just look away, stare at the tv, or, more often than not, look at our cell phones. Eventually, one just wouldn't go away, so Bob told her that he was waiting for change. She then goes to me and sarcastically said "lemme guess, you're waiting for change too?" I lighty heartedly smiked back at her and go "yep!" I figured we were gonna stay thre a bit longer, so I decided to take out money from the ATM in there til I realized that there's a 10 dollar surcharge for using their ATM. Talk about rip off... that and I didn't have much money in my checking account so I was like screw this. The reaminder of the time in there, me, Bob, Brian, and Eric just stood back away from the bar as to keep away from the grubby gals there finished our beers, mocked strippers, and eventually left back for the bar in the part where they were playing later in the night.

It was like lost in translation trying to talk to that bartender (I have never seen that stupid movie, but I imagine it had to do with trying to talk to someone of the opposite sex that couldn't understand you too well, so that is why I'm saying it was like that). "Double" Vodka Sodas were flowing like nobodies business til I realized that they were 12 bucks for 2 shots in a cup the size of um... I guess it would be in relation to a snapple bottle, but only to the top label of the label on it. Yea, nothing to gloat about. This was even after I went up to her, well, as far up as one could get to a bartender behind the bar, and said "are you serious with these cups, do you have anything bigger?" With the previous cups I was being served drinks in, I felt like i was being served juice at a child's pizza party. After I found out my bill was already 31 bucks from 2 "doubles" and a regular drink, I switched to the 3 dollar drafts which were in medium sized party cups. I drank miller lights and complained that it was piss water all night. That and I kept obnoxiously yelling "AMERICAN!" every now and then in my worst Hank Hill impression as I drank it.

Apparently, all but 3 bands backed off the billing, so the Doomsday Prophecy set was bumped up to 2nd out of 3 sets. Load in (and eventually load back out) was fucking swift and just with now 10 or so guys running back and forth with all the equiptment.

As usual, DP tore the place apart. Some dude was smoking a blunt while they were playing and started passing it around shortly after Ed launched me into the guy and I, not only knocked beer out of a few people's hands, but nailed Mr. Blunt dude into the wall. One dude was so blitzed he kept hanging from this lights rafter and swinging around like a damn ape as they played.

We hung around for a while after their set. I must mention, that the singer of the last band that played looked like if you took Luigi from Super Mario Bros, and let him grow his hair out and put an anti-drug shirt on him. But yea, drinks kept going on for a while. I was shocked as shit when I asked to close out my tab and the bartender smiled at me and handed me back my tab and it was only 39 dollars instead of close to 60 like it shoulda been. I must've had the glistening smile of a child when that happened... then, to add to the joy I was feeling, Loki gave me one of the drink tickets the promoter gave him for the band to have free drinks.

Then... the crazy happened. everyone left except Bob, Brian, Eric and Matt Johnson, who had gone BACK to the "Gentleman's Club". They all came back to the car around the time I texted Bob letting him know, I was standing next to his car like a jackass for a ride home since everyone with a car but him had already left. This is when the second crazy ride of the night happened. First off, Bob pulls out of the parking lot, blows the first red light, then another, and was gonna blow a third til Brian started yelling to stop cause it was a red light. WE got on the highway, Matt Johnson following us, and all I remember was screaming that we were gonna hit cars, we were gonna loose Matt Johnson (which Bob freaked out and started yelling "MATT JOHNSON IS FOLLOWING US! WE HAVE TO LOOSE HIM!" as if he was a cop or something, and we were blasting Johnny Thunders and changing the lyrics to be about Rags-related nonsense. Much laughter was had... and followed by screams of fear here and there.

We eventually made it to the studio to load the equiptment back in and then went into the alley behind the studio to hang out and um... have a pow-wow I guess.

Eventually, Bob said to get my ass in gear cause me and him were gonna go back to Loki's since he was tired. This resulted in part 1 of a 2 part crazy ride #3. We first had to drop Brian off at his house, so that resulted in craziness in Westwood. For some reason, Bob decided to listen to his GPS instead of Brian, who lived in that town his whole life (and to a VERY lesser extent, I who lived there for a short stint) and went down quite possibly the worst road to go down in that town. The road that, as Brian put it, "hasn't been paved since 1941!" it was the bumpiest, ride in the world and I couldn't stop laughing as Brian was going off about how we should have never taken that turn and kept telling Bob to get off to a side road ASAP.

Shortly after, we made it to Brians, dropped him off, and then on the way back took a turn on Garden State SOUTH by accident. This turned into a two man opperation of me being look out as he drove in reverse off the onramp to the highway. I pointed out the Don Johnson house to Bob, we laughed, and then he started listening to his GPS again and it took us off in this Ho Chi Minh Trail around back to the main roads near Loki's. When we got there, we realized JV and Sam weren't back yet, so I said I was calling it a night and drove home. Of course they pulled up as I was leaving, but I said fuck it and just kept on heading home.

Came home, drunkenly tried on the Wolverine shirt I had bought, and the Gotham Rd hoodie that had been sitting around Loki's for a week ever since JV had made for me, and then I eventually passed out on my bed.

The Bender to Ender December Part IV/Happy Moo Year

Yes, in 2010 cows will take over the world. It's inevitable and I am rambling utter gibberish because I'm bored at work. Instead of finishing off part 3 of the "bender to ender december" rants, I'll start anew with it being the new year and all as well as it sounding like some kinda lame sci-fi book you'd make fun of the kid with thick framed glasses in your 5th grade algebra class for reading (funny, those stupid glasses are "in style" these days. Bah!)

ANYWAAAAY, um yea. to recap... you know what? The night(s) I wrote about in the part 3 of that rant were somewhat interesting (well, I found it humerous sifting over what to use as a recap here). Maybe I'll finish it up and post it after this thing when I get even more utterly bored at work.

So yea, I dunno. the Gorgeous Frankenstein and Danzig show the day after Christmas was fun. I apparently just pissed everyone off that night. My sister was annoyed with me before we even got in the car to pick up Jared and his girlfriend from the city to head to the show. My sister basically said I was rude, inconsiderate, obnoxious and annoying. Then, went off on how she's surprised I still have any friends in my life and so on. I was reminded of how much of an annoying jerk I was that night by Bob telling me how everyone was going on about how annoying and obnoxious I was being and Loki had been covering for me the entire weekend by saying "it was the day after Christmas. Danzig was playing. These things happen."

I'm trying to remember what else happened that week.

Monday recap went like this: Played Modern Warfare 2 with Scott online for a few hours. Layed in bed miserable and annoyed for most of day when Scott left to go to work. Eddie called, told me to meet him and Janell up for drinks. Went to city. Bar was full of deaf people doing sign language cause it was some kinda deaf people mixer. I farted on two girls to see if they could hear it and were really deaf or just pretending to be... one girl wasn't deaf and yelled. Tried making on this one hot blond and used her fat not so attractive friend as an in by talking to her. This was shut down by some creepy dude who would hover over the girls as he kept trying to move in closer for a kiss or something was all over them with his 2 older, balder friends who stunk of cheap dominican cigars did this Night at the Roxbury double team pincer move on the girls so they had no where to run as the initial creepazoid pressed forward to pin them into the bar's counter. Then, I noticed these girls walk in and one was wearing a tiara. I HAD to talk to them cause you just KNOW the girl with the tiara in aiming to get RE-TAR-DED! it was her 21st birthday and I didn't get much time to talk to her cause before you knew it, these Beagel Boys clods (yea, like the DuckTales reference?) pounced without a second thought. It was bad cause I was trying to go back and forth between the blond with the meh looking friend and the birthday girl and her friends while these dirt bags kept going back and forth. It was like a horrible trade off that lead to both parties leaving because they could not stand the weirdo and his two cigar smelling friends. The whole time Eddie and Janell were laughing.

Annoyed at the whole situation I went outside for a smoke. Mind you, the bums were in full force that night and I emptied out my wallet and hit all my loot in a pocket and would show my wallet was empty and say "i'm here to watch the game cause I can't even afford a tv in my squat of an apartment" and they'd usually leave me alone. I was preparing for another bum to try and ask me for money for vodka or try and sell me some dirt weed but instead was confronted by this kinda cute girl that was taller than me. Some bum started saying she was NBA, and then corrected himself and said she was WNBA, which lead to me basically telling him he's a rude prick and to get the fuck outta there. This lead to her saying how cute I was and telling me how she grew up in Texas but now she lives extremely close by and basically insinuating that we should go back to her place to bang like two cymbals in an overworked marching band (yes, I took that reference from Scott cause it's just too funny not to use). I think this is around the time Scott got cut off from the nightly update by me saying something along the lines of "I may or may not be going home with a huge texan girl... for sex." Around this time she said we should go back inside for some more drinks and hang out for a bit before we leave. As I'm walking in, this older guy with a fucking Toucan Sam beak for a nose just grabs her by the arm, goes "where the hell have you been? I haven't seen you in forever," and then starts jamming his tongue down her throat. I just sit there, look in shock at what just went down in front of me, and mutter aloud "are you fucking kidding me?" Around this time Eddie and Janell were calling it a night so I just bought some pizza, angrily ate it in my car muttering angry gibberish to myself with a mouth full of the pizza and then headed to Scott's to drink and go off on an angry rant like a fucking beast.

Tuesday... can't remember much. I think I just sat home, played some games, watched tv and recooperated from Monday.

Wednesday, Me Sott and M.Dani went to go skiing/snowboarding out at Mountain Creek in Vernon, NJ. It was the first time the 3 of us went since March of last year (it was the end of the seasons and most of the trails were closed and what trails were open were either ice or mud at a lot of parts). But yea, who would have thought that the day before New Years Eve would be so fucking packed? The main lot was over flowing with cars. The second lot was basically filled up for the most part too. It was ridiculously packed. I mean, jesus. We'd just sit there at times waiting for heards of idiots to go ahead of us, or we'd try and get a good headstart down a hill before a large group of people went down. Things that pissed us off that caused us to leave earlier than planed went as such: 1) Annoyed at little children getting in our way or barreling into us. 2) Scott's knees were hurting. 3) Mike took a spill and hurt his tailbone bad. 4) the kicker of all, some dumb bitch cut me off at the bottom of the slope near the chairlift, causing me to stop short and lose my balance, leading to me smacking my head really hard on a big thing of ice.

To add insult to injury, after walking for what seemed like forever back to the car carrying our gear and wearing our boots the entire walk there, we went to Burger King for lunch, only to discover that not only was the line like somethoug out of the great depression (with me at one point complaining, "can i just get my bread and government cheese and be on my way?") but the ONLY woman working the register was a chatty-cathy who would not shut the fuck up. To add even more of an annoying insult to this severely wounded beast of a line, this fucking ugly fat kid with a frog face kept trying to be smooth and funny with the woman working the register. I was so annoyed at how slow the line was moving that I wanted to set a trend of fast paced movement. What I did was just banged out my order as fast as possible and had my wallet in hand anxiously awaiting her to tell me the price. Do you know what this mongoloid did instead of ringing me up to tell me the price? She starts telling me how she wants a purple snowboarding jacket just like mine and she was gonna make it my mission to go out and find her a jacket just like mine. I am staring at her blankly in shock that she starting up a retarded go no where conversation with me while a mod of angry and annoyed people waiting on a line that should not be as long as it was getting stand behind me. Scott just butted in and goes "YEA! IT'S FUCKING GOD KENNEDY GETTING SHOT IN THE HEAD ON THE BACK OF THIS THING TOO! WANNA SEE?" to try and get her to shut up. Around this point I just threw a 10 at her figuring my order couldn't have any more than that at tops. I think as I took my change and walked away very disgruntled the damn bitch kept rambling on and on while Scott waited to give his order for his and Mike's meals. Not shortly after it was pointed out to me while waiting for our food (which fucking took forever to be served to us by one of the many fat disgusting sad excuses for human life that was working the kitchen) that Burger King's soda fountains have reccomendations for what kinda soda goes good with what meals as if it's some kinda fancy high end restaurant reccomending what wines go well with certain meals.

We ate, we left, I fell asleep in the car, which i probably shouldn't have done after reciving such a nasty blow to the head earlier not too long before we ate, and then went home. I told my mother about me hitting my head hard on the ice and she flipped out (if you don't know my mother, she worries alot about stupid shit). I kept telling her to leave me alone when she kept asking me to go to the hospital to have my head checked out. It wasn't til I layed down on my bed and put my head to the pillow that my nose started gushing this clear watery blood out my nose like a guiser for a few moments. I started wiping my nose repeatedly til it stopped and around this time my mother came to check on me and sees my nose and hands covered in blood and I go "hey, yea... about the hospital? How about we go now?"

She took me to the emergency room since it was the only thing opened. Some doctor probed my nose and ears with the scope thingie to see if it was CSF or not that had been coming out of my nose. he said it mostly looked like a nosebleed but it sounded weird that it came out the color I described it. He then did some neurological tests on me to see if anything was off. Said my reflexes are pretty damn good and that I don't give off any signs of being in danger. He offered to have a cat-scan done to my head if I wanted but I was like "whatever" and didn't care at that point.

I came home and fell asleep only to wake up to my mother calling me at 9am to pick her up from the mechanic, followed by my dad actually calling me to see if i was alright and that he heard from my mother that I was in the hospital the night before. I made the conversation quick and went outside to discover that it was snowing bad and that the streets weren't cleared that well if at all. I got my mom, oafed around the house for a bit, took a shower and headed to Loki's to hang out til the show started. This turned into me, Germs, Bob and JV meeting up Eric and his dad at the studio to pick up JV and Loki's equiptment they were gonna use for the show they were playing right before midnight for new years (which reminds me, I wonder if JV got the other half of his cab set that Eric took since I couldn't fit it in my car at all yesterday).

After lugging heavy ass amps, cabs, guitars, a bass and Loki's "fridge" of electronics and techincal guitar robotics or whatever that moster of a box is filled with, we headed off to Dingbatz. When we got there, we discovered that even thought they were supposed to have opened a half an hour before we got there, the place was still not open. We debated on what to do. Bob reccomended we go across the street to Dingos for beer and nachos. We got beer, but they didn't have nachos, so loki ordered a round of bar pies for all of us that were pretty damn good. Ciccone showed up to Dingos to hang out til we finished eating to open up Dingbatz. Then came the load in that was not too bad. Well, better than Germs saying that us loading up all the shit from the studio was by far the worst load up he's ever seen in his life cause we all just sat there with our dicks in our hands looking around aimless and lazy.

The show wasn't bad. Not that I really paid attention to any of the opening bands being that I was in the back room swigging Rumple Minz with Loki and drinking vodka from the bottles we took with us from his house to chug-a-lug before Gotham Rd's set. For once, I can say I wasn't an out of hand drunk as usual. That crown went to Loki and he proved he was the king of brash actions. He was pretty smashed in the backroom, towards the end of the second band's set he was running around like a bull, charging at people and shit (their set was pretty wild. It included confetti, which was kinda dick since there was a giant mess after that, people going apeshit at the end of their set, and it ended with the center monitor breaking).

While the Zombie Mafia played the backroom was PACKED with all of us just getting rowdy and stupid. it even included a freestyle jam between Bob and Brian which was very briefly accompanied by me doing fist pumps and dancing like a jackass to their song. I'm sure JV will post a video he took of all that online, announce it's up on facebook and use that as yet another excuse for him to give me shit about not being on facebook when I find out about it later (speaking of which, I realized my youtube updates told me about a video he uploaded and tried using as an excuse for me to join facebook, so ha! Other than that, Loki and Renee sat there talking to me about how out of control I usually am and so on. Loki kept telling me it's his turn to be like that cause every time we go out, especially this past week, he's been going out of his way to cover for me and apologize to people for my rude behaviors. Somehow this gave him the ok to hit me in the head lightly cause i was complaining about not wanting people touching my head.

The guys eventually went on, rocked the house til about 11:55 or so, Mike spoke for a little bit, everyone did the generic new years countdown and then went with the barage of drunken hugs, bottle clankings, etc. followed by the band eventually kicking things back up to levels of SLAY. Their set really got the crowd going after that and like JV put it yesterday, it was like old school days at Connections. Ciccone even had to chokehold some drunkard and drag him out during the set cause the guy was a mess and Ox was shoving the guy away from him every time he'd go near Ox. What was a bad move was that this other band was set for last. I remember at one point, when I was sitting next to JV's setup I stuck my head through the curtain to the backroom and saw the last band hanging out back there with this upset look of "we have to go on after this?" to add insult to injury, the band broke out Scream which wasn't evne planned on the set and I think Loki just broke out the main riff and the rest of the guys went with it, JV looked at me and Eric shrugging his shoulders as to insinuate he was just gonna go with it and keep playing til someone finally realized they had to stop playing. After they finished playing, the place CLEARED OUT and barely anyone was there for the last band, which i mean, they're a pretty decent band, but to try and top what went on right before them was impossible. We hung out outside and in the backroom til the last band was done for us to finally start to breakdown and pack all the shit to head back home.

Oh, I forgot this kid from Germany who is a big fan of the band showed up with one of his friends from back in Germany. We invited them to hang out before the set and talked to them for a little bit before Loki took them and this girl who came from Japan to the local train station so they could catch a train back to whever they were staying in NYC. Eventually we finally packed up everything into our cars and headed for the studio only to realize the main door that's almost never locked, was indeed locked and none of us had a key to it. Not only that, but Sam who I had rolled up in a drunken ball in my backseat between one of JV's cabs and his bass was complaining of being sick from being so drunk and I refused to drive til she puked, and puked she did... and then even more later when we got home.

When we all got back to Loki's to do a post-party, I just threw some sweatpants on, grabbed a blanket, cocooned myself on the couch, rolled in a ball with my ass up in the air like a drunk mess and started drunk moaning til I passed out.

Friday morning, I woke up to Bob cooking breakfast and the twilight zone was still on (apparently he left it on and just left it on when he woke up. The two of us sat around watching Twilight Zone and Ghostbusters til we had to leave for the studio as well as pick up Germs from the hotel he was staying at with this girl from Kentucky who came up for the show. After that, I headed back to Loki's and met him there, watched some of Ghostbusters 2 til he left to help Mary fix her flat tire and I went to get taco bell since the closest thing I had to a meal all day beforehand was cigarettes and orbit gum. I came back to Loki's and ate taco bell and then hung out BSing with JV for a bit til Loki and Mary came back. Bob went to pick up the girl from Kentucy to hang out with us and around that same time is when the drinking commenced, only to be briefly stopped for me, Bob and Kentucky to go pick up some food and supplies from the supermarket that was needed.

We came back, ordered a pie and watched Ghostbusters on blu ray since Bob and JV never seen it on blu ray before. This was followed by Loki and Mary coming back from picking up more drinks and ice and followed by watching Ghostbusters on blu ray with "slimer vision" or whatever it was called with the small video box on the bottom right side interviewing cast and production people and so on and so forth. This was followed again by popping in the Exorcist, Bob dropping the Kentucky girl back off at her hotel and then eventually everyone drunkenly passing out and me having to wake up at 8am to drive back to ny to get dressed into something a little more civilized and head on over to work where I have wasted most of the day typing this and eating chinese food.