Insert Obnoxious Siren Sounds Here

First of all. I'm deleting my myspace account. Gonna just use this and twitter now.

Secondly, I dunno if I should go off on last night as a whole first, or go off on my hatred of modern djs?

Eh, fuck it. I will mix-mash em up (just like that mashup mix I still never got around to doing of NIN and Michael Jackson... I guess now would be the best time to get people to listen to it now that MJ is d-e-a-d).

But yea, here goes:

Dennis picked my ass up around 6ish. Went to his place to drink a few and watch tv waiting for Evan to show up cause we were gonna meet up some of his friends who were coming in to NY for the weekend. Me and Dennis ended up leaving Evan behind cause his friends were taking forever.

On the way, it started raining. We're not talking about just any kind of rain. We're talking about the rain that was the reason as to why some old jew named Noah made an arch and filled it with 2 of every animal. It was BAD. By the time we got onto the FDR we could barely see a foot in front of us and we were floating more than driving down the damn road. Of course the rain started to die down as soon as we hit the exit we were supposed to get off of. But then the real fun began. The worst dead stop traffic because they decided to block off a road and make people going down 1st Ave detour onto the road the off ramp lead to. Was there any construction workers directing traffic? No. Was there a traffic cop? Hell no.

We finally got to find a parking spot right in front of Black Finn. We were gonna head to Opal but Romil told us him and Ronak were at Sutton Place. As we walked in, Ronak left to meet up his friend at some place and Romil basically told us to hurry up with our drinks to leave and meet them up. Sutton Place was really fucking packed. Odd though, was that there was a miriad of tall, hot, girls. I felt a smidgen intimidated. Like I said in a text to Scott (to the best I can remember of what I said), this one girl that was standing near me looked like she would destroy me and my dick.

We left and hopped a cab down to 47th and Broadway (did I mention I hate Times Square?) in the back of a minivan taxi with the center seats removed (kinda defeating the purpose of it being a mini van). It was a dangerous ride, kinda. If the cabbie hit the breaks too hard, we'd all go flying across the back and into the plastic glass seperating him from us. The highlight of the ride to our next destination revolved around Romil jokingly saying he hates us and Romil calling Ronak and yelling at him for the address to where he was. The Coup de grâce of hilarity in that cab came when we saw this couple on the side of the road as we were at a stop sign. I'm laughing my ass off just remembering it now. So, it went like this. Romil goes "Excuse me miss, you are too hot for that guy... THIS IS NOT PROPPER MATH" as he was forcefully pointing right at them through the back window. The guy had this look that you could only describe as, like I said last night after I saw it, "being told you just shit in his breakfast after he ate it." We couldn't stop laughing at the whole scenario and saying how the guy was informed by the "turd of truth" as Dennis called it (the turd of truth is in reference to my shit breakfast analogy). I know, I know, complex thinking here. Just laugh and read on already, you fuck.

As we got out of the cab, Romil continued his gurilla verbal assault via phone on Ronak cause we still didn't get an answer out of where he was. We ended up looking for some swanky place Dennis knew the owner of, but ended up going to teh Whiskey instead (or as all the trendy fucks call it, the W... You know, the club with a giant red "W" outside of it right on a corner in Times Square?) Anyway, instead of the usual giving of shit the bouncers outside give us. Dennis just barged right past them and waved them away as if they were expendable as one of them began to begin his usual "there's a cover, bla bla bla" bullshit. After Dennis was already in the door, the guy looked at me and Romil as we stood there staring at him and he said "right this way gentlemen." Arrogance works people (it also sometimes gets your ass tossed out to the curb like you see in the movies/tv). We get down there. Dennis tried talking to Ronak to no avail. All he found out was he was in the same building as the Whiskey. In response, we did a round of shots and 7 on 7 that Romil ordered. I don't like that place, but whatever. As was said last night "who knows, maybe you could pick up a really rich girl in here and not have to worry about finances ever again." Not much went on inside there though. THere was a really old couple that Dennis pointed out looked like the kinda couple where they try to pick you up cause the husband likes to watch as you fuck his wife. There was an enterague of older black guys who were dressed like they were from the LA club scene. Um, oh, and there were these 2 girls in skirts dancing their asses off. One skirt shorter than the next. You know where the majority of my attention was directed while that was going on. The dj in there was a fuck who wouldn't play more than a few minutes of a song before he switched it up... on his macbook. Really annoying.

After 2 or 3 rounds of drinks, we found out Ronak was in the hotel above the Whiskey. We got in the elevator and got off on the 7th floor. It was like this elitist club that is a department store by day and a posh nightclub at night. I noticed a cop just parusing around, not looking for trouble, but just hanging out. I also noticed above the bar was this gigantic flatscreen tv hooked up to one of the cameras the police have set up in times square to look for suspicious activities. Yes, the rich like to watch tourists walk by some busy corner in or around times square. We left after one drink. Oh, did I forget to mention I might have accidentally broke the sink in the bathroom and it wouldn't turn off? Yeaaaaaa....

Dennis, Romil and I took a cab back up to 50s. Romil bailed once he learned Dennis was heading to Metro 53. After having gone inside for my first time ever last night, I now know why. First of all, it is over run with young kids (I didn't realize it was the same bar that as we drove past it and saw a bunch of young kids trying to get inside I said "what, did a prom just let out?). Secondly, there was no airconditioning what so ever. I was sopping wet and left right as I walked in. but, third of all as to why I didn't like the place? The audio was so deafening, I coudln't even hear myself thinking of why I hate the people in there. After Dennis realized I left shortly after I walked in, we went to Opal. The DJ in there kept playing that Goddamn stupid siren sound you hear every other second on hot 97. You know, this (the second sound effect in the video):



Yea. So, it reminded me of the time in Aker's car I kept doing my annoying version of that sound with my voice as Timmy D kept pretending he was a DJ. it was quite hilarious. He would just start yelling shit a stupid "dj" would yell and I would just randomly start doing that stupid airhorn sound with my mouth (I'm told it is QUITE annoying). Aker would freak out driving cause I was basically making him go deaf. But yea, the dj kept doing that stupid effect. I kept doing it at the bar. The bartenders were visibly annoyed by me. Dennis just sat there laughing and shaking his head as I kept doing that. The girl to the left of me kept looking at me like "wtf?" and the other one to the right looked like she wanted attention... but she was WAY too U-G-L-Y to be looked at. Some guy on the other side of her did the classic tap her on the shoulder farther away from you move so that she'd think Dennis tapped her on the shoulder. I was trying not to laugh. Then I freaked out thinking she might think it was me and glued my eyes to the tv to watch the re airing of the yankees game til I felt the urge to siren it up again.

I also just remembered last night how all this siren shit began, right as we walking to a cab someone brought up that Raaaaaaaandy skit Aziz Ansari does and it reminded me of how Scott made me a soundclip of that stupid siren for my phone. Yea, I keep breaking that shit out in the middle of no where... I almost did it at work, but don't feel like explaining myself to co-workers or them complaining to the boss about me being unruly.

After a drink or so. we went back to Metro 53 to get Evan and his friends, but they didn't wanna leave. This resulted in my complaining about shit like "this place is a petri dish of scumbags" and "i could get chlamydia just by walking into this bar." It didn't work. After a shot of jager and a vodka soda (or was that gin soda? i can't remember, i kept switching it up) I went outside, chain smoked and talked on the phone til I went back in to leave... or thought we were leaving.

Dennis and I went back to his car. I started nodding off. Next thing I know, we're walking into the old Dicey Rileys in Yonkers (remember that place? where 12 year olds would go to drink cause they didn't give a shit about how old you were in there). Yea, it is next to this building Dennis' family owns and Dennis knows the new owner of the bar, whatever the hell it's called. It was a dead night. There was this one giant black dude in an affliction shirt and giant gold chain smoking a hookah by himself. There was some fat hispanic dude who wasn't informed glowsticks on strings was never popular among anyone but ravers in the 90s. There was this older hispanic guy, had to be in his 60s, who kept coming up to me and shaking my hand. There was a couch full of hot girls, but they left shortly after we showed up. For some reason, that bar came off as a giant ad for prophylactics. I feel this way because the owner handed me and Dennis these plastic mouth pieces for his hookah he bought us. That and the fact there was a giant pitcher filled to the brim with condoms.

After the bar closed around 4 we finally left for home. Well, we checked out how the building of his was next door and THEN we left.

I woke up late for work and covered in crumbs and Queen blasting. I think I made a grilled cheese sandwhich while listening to Queen when i came home but didn't have time to investigate since I was in such a rush. I need to take a fucking nap and a half as soon as I get home from work... and my phone just died again. Fuck me running.

And, now for my rant on DJs (cause I realize I didn't mix it into the rant of last night):

What in the fuck makes you think you're a dj when you just show up to a club with a laptop filled with itunes and sound effects? Seriously? Hey, lets go hire that douche at the frat party who was in charge of the ipod hooked up to the stereo! I mean, come the fuck on. vinyl is making a come back, why not hop on the bandwagon and pretend you were always into vinyl. Oh, and lets not forget the fact these so called DJs play quite possibly THE WORST selection of music. I'm not ragging on whatever is "hot" today but... ok, yes I am. I will say I am pleased that the DJ at the whiskey played Raspberry Beret by Prince, but whatever. One small leap for djs, still not giant enough for ramy-kind.

PS BWAR-BRAW-BRAW-BRAAAAAAAAWWWW (that's my attempt at typing out what that stupid siren effect sounds like).

I Spy - Ramy Edition: Vol. 1

Yea, so I'm biting Kyle's style and doing a blog like he does. Sue me.

Cobra Commander 12" figure from the new Rise of Cobra movie toys (yea, I bought it)

Someone from Maryland who needs to be told the Ruff Ryders are soooo 1998. Yea, there's a giant chrome logo and it says "Ruff Ryders" in cursive on the bottom of the trunk and back side windows.

Little black girls wearing pink and red superman capes while waiting on line at Shop Rite.

Yes, that says "Steven Segal, DDS Pediatric Dentistry" The plethora of jokes I could go on about as to how teeth removal is done in that office.

And thus concludes Volume 1 of this nonsense. You may now return to your previously scheduled internet browsing.

It's Been a While

I can't remember the last time I wrote a blog and I am way too lazy to easily click on this stupid thing to see the last date I posted something in here. I've become a twitterholic (and when you mix booze with twitter, I will post some nonsense for the ages if you haven't noticed). Also, my life have become very boring and mundane. I don't go out as much anymore either.

I am broke as fuck right now and in the middle of moving. Read that as I am too lazy to find someone to move my bed back to NY and I need to tow that heaping pile of scrap metal I call the Cobra back to NY as well. That or I need to sell that fucker.

Economy sucks. My job or lack there of is so slow and sucks tenfold now. I can never sleep and when I do, I don't want to wake up but end up having fucked up dreams that make me not want to go back to sleep. These dreams happen when I fall asleep sober, so no one try and write to me saying I need to cut back on the drinking. The drinking is what is keeping me sane, I think.

But yea, Scott and I sorta agreed (not really) to start writing up skits and/or plots for a comedy of sorts. That is gonna go no where just like everything else we, or mainly I, put effort into. Although, two things that have potential I thought up of yesterday consist of this:

First idea consists of some kind of Terminator sent back in time to do away with all the child actors attached to popular sitcoms like Fresh Prince and Married With Children (ok, maybe they weren't that popular, but the fucking kids they added to those shows annoyed me, and most likely you if you watched them, to no end).

Second idea consists of superheros on the john (that's fancy talk for crapper). Me and Scott kinda went back and forth with some ideas on that one. That would never fly in main stream media unless we got the OK from Marvel and DC. Then again, knowing us, I'd be surprised if it went anywhere past a youtube video of me drunk in a superhero costume, IE this:


Filming credits for this masterpiece (of crap) go to Scott and his Motorala Krave ZN4 that he hates with a passion.

Yes, that's me in a way too small Deadpool spandex costume I got off ebay for Scott as a Halloween getup... or more likely for him to sit around and play video games and weird people out with. And yes, I was very drunk and yelling nonsense (so drunk I apparently blacked out and don't remember much of that night and woke up yet again with more bruises on me that were unexplainable and thus reafirming my belief that I am a modern day Tyler Durden... minus the cool factor)

Anyway... why the fuck do I have the theme to the Klondike Bar commercials in my head? GET IT OUT!

But yea, where was I going with this? (like these things ever go anywhere) Oh yea, so I'm broke, need money, gimmie.

I have been watching way too much Comedy Central lately. Well, ok, I always watch that channel, it's just that I basically leave it on now and walk about doing my usual business around the house (which basically consists of me still trying to perform that magic trick where I keep opening the fridge and expecting the lack of food in there to change into a fully stocked Foodmagorium).

But alas, I have run out of things to ramble on about and must get going so that I can sit here and look at news on upcoming movies coming out (basically the horrible remakes and crapily scripted superhero movies) and have a conniption over how awful I know they're going to be, just like how Fox completly glazed over Wolverine's actual origins story with go no where crap and then turned Deadpool into a mute amalgamation of super powers. Yea, the rest of my day looks like for the remainder of the day I'll be reading movie forums with nerds who post shit like this: