I Will Bring Down The Ugly in the World

I have come to the conclusion that if I do not DESTROY the cast of Jersey Shore I have to kill myself. It's that simple.

Yes, I am fucking serious.

One of these fucking Mongoloids, Pauly D or some shti like that, was "DJ-ing" at Sutton Place. Guess who wanted to go to Sutton Place tonight and drove past the bar looking for a parking spot to see a line down the fucking block? THIS GUY! (guess who also got woken up to "lets go out" and then when a stones throw from the FDR gets told "oops, I forgot my wallet" This luckiest son of a bitch in the world typing these words.

Yea, OH! Did I mention how angry I was before I even stepped foot of the bar I ended up going to instead? Yea, I mean, besides seeing the long ass line to the bar I WANTED to go to and was told some piece of shit was using his ipod to play HORRENDOUS fucking music into a PA system? I tried getting a parking spot, but this cab kept creeping up my ass and honking at me to move up so he could squeeze through the street (cause you know, GOD FORBID someone has the paitence to let someone park their car or the know how to pass around said car). So, after I let this guy go around me, a car pulled into the spot as I was backing up towards it. Then, by some retard luck, I pulled around the corner and saw someone pulling out of their spot. As I was waiting, I saw someone start waiting behind me with some kinda intent to perform a coup attack to get the spot from me. What did this turn into? Me cursing like a sailor about how I am gonna smash their massive fucking nose into their skull by curb stomping them, all while parallel parking. They drove off and I kept cursing at them til they were far from my angry yelling range.

I showed up to Opal with Scott and Mike Dani to see Romil and Ian were hanging at the bar, since Scott told them we were coming into the city and Ian was already in th area and Romil just got back from a date. Maybe 2 seconds later, Loki and Mary showed up cause Scott told them as well to meet us up there.

We started off taking shots of Jager in honor of the bar being over flowing with the scum of the earth that couldn't get into Sutton Place to see that fucking orange skinned mongoloid ruin their ear drums with shit and cerebral paulsy bellowings into the mic. GOD! I wanted to go into that bar just to spit in his fucking face cause i was so annoyed with all these people coming into a fine establisment like Opal and sullying it with their over gelled hair and OH MY GOD, this one girl had a bleached "poof" so fucking big I kept calling her Bart Simpson. most of the night was me being a giant asshole to people I didn't know (what else is fucking new?)

I think the only time I had a good time was when the DJ at Opal put Tik Tok on by Kesha as I was walking back into the bar from having a cigarette and I just got up in everyone's face dancing like a complete asshole and I was making these 2 random hot girls fucking tear from laughing so hard at my antics. Then, Lady Gaga came on and I started up again dancing around and getting in people's faces and shaking my ass at them like I was a dumb bimbo. This lead to this almost plain girl coming up to me and talking to me.

I think the truely bad downfall of my already in the gutters evening was when I went to the back bar of Opal. First of all, I never go back there because it's like a danceateria for the mentally challenged. But yea, Romil, Mike and Scott disappeared into the back so Ian and his brother who met us up later on were like "let's go back there." First of all, the bartender took my order, walked away and started flirting with some triolobite of a human being for a while and as I started to get agitated, Neil (aka Ian's brother) went across the bar and basically said "are you gonna serve us or what?" So yea, i get my drink and head in the back to see Mike and Scott are talking to these fucking HAGS in their late 30s/early 40s and I am told not to say anything by Romil. I was told to let them do their thing. FINE, whatever. Then the blond psudo-plain girl comes up to me and grabs me by the hand and drags me off to the side. This ended quickly cause some other MONGO came up to me and I told him with the Diso light effects, he looks like R2D2 busted a nut all over his face and he was apparently trying to get with this girl too and shoved me away and I had to calm myself from throwing a left hook all up in his grill. So, I walk back to where everyone else was and the fucking piece of shit Scott was talking to gave me a dirty look, said something to me and walked away like she was better than me. I WENT OFF! Oh my God, I have never perpetuated the beating of women (ok, maybe in joking) but LORD! I wanted to grab this girl... excuse me, grandma, in the back of the head and smash her fucking botched plastic surgery face right into the fucking repeatedly wall til her teeth fell out. Romil had to grab me and drag me out of the bar. This turned into the "you have to let go of your anger, you cant keep doing this, it's gonna consume you," speech (here's a hint, I am the epitomy of every speech the Emperor gave in the original Star Wars series about hate and anger by this point in my life).

I got fed up, and wanted to leave to another bar. Ian, Neil and Mike Dani decide to go to Turtle Bay. If you know me, I am not fond of that place, but will go in as a last resort. First of all, every bouncer thought I was already dealt with by them cause you know, every fucking Italian in the tri-state area showed up to this part of town and I guess we all look alike? I dunno. I get in there and who could be DJing in there? The worlds worst DJ. If you don't know, I've been pulled away from the DJ booth at that place for telling the DJ he is ruining people's lives with his beyond reproach taste in music and the fact he will play that siren sound effect every Dj plays, but he will play it over something like "all the Small Things" by Blink-182... which who in their right mind plays at a bar? Outside the bar I talked to some girl, but as usual, some fucing piece of shit swooped in and had to cock block me which seemed to be my problem whenever I talked to a girl last night... I think my anger may be stemming from the fact girls would show interest in me and then every single one changed their minds and talked to the more in shape guy with the cleaner cut look and doesn't have the tan of someone who has been hiding in a cave their entire lives. Oh, and how can I forget the hot girl that starts talking to me, and then kinda pushes me off to her less attractive friend? Yea, that was fun. Thanks, you skanky bitch.

i was in such a bad mood at this point that, while on the line for the bathroom, i picked one guy out in the line and began just relentlessly making fun of him. I started with his hair. Then when I got to his Ed Hardy hoodie, I just let fucking loose. "Do you use your love of tigers and dragons on elaborate designs as a pick up line for other men?" "How many times a week do you fantasize about sucking off Christian Audigier?" "How does Ed Hardy water taste? Does it give you the vitamins you need to keep that look of someone having shit on your head?" (ok, I can't remember the hate I was spewing from my mouth at this time cause I was just hoping he'd swing at me so I could dessimate him, but it never happened). We ended up leaving, everyone but me getting pizza, and then I had to drive Ian and his brother back to Inwood and Mike back to Pelham, where I am amazed how I found his house on the ride there (I've only been there once before last night) and then the JOY of not finding my way back home.

So yea, I got home at like 6am to have to wake up and be at work at 9:30. What did I do? Showed up an hour late to work, cursed out co-workers. left early to go to the cafe across the street, hit on the girl with the big ass and busted face that works there, came back to the office to eat my sandwich, made fun of an employee, and have been sitting here deciding if I wanna meet up Loki after work to get drunk and watch football with the possibility of lashing out at more people I don't know to vent my anger that has carried over from last night into today.

So, you know that saying that one action can affect something on the other side of the world? Well, the action of Sutton Place hiring that mongo from Jersey Shore steam rolled, not across the Earth, but down the block, to me, wanting to perform some kinda killing spree/suicide attempt. (seriously, it disgusts me that people like that in the world get praised instead of booed until everyone's thraot is sore or stoned to death, biblical style)

... and for some reason for the past two days I've been waking up thinking of Carlos Nobrega's death. I dunno why. 2 days ago I woke up thinking of his lip tattoo he had and this morning I had a memory of getting the phone call from Al when he called to tell me that he died in a car accident and I had to pick Al up from the airport when he flew in for the funeral. Now I can't stop listening to Minutes to Midnight which I associate with this poor kid's death cause it came out the day that Carlos died and that's basically all me and Al listened to the entire time Al was back in NY for the wake, funeral and nights sitting in those Tarrytown bars just sulking that his best friend died.

Reminders of Jersey

This past weekend has been quite a fucking intense and insane weekend.

Friday night, drove down to Roseland to meet my sister up since she got 2 tickets to catch AFI. Thanks to traffic and not being able to find a parking spot for an hour, I missed the Gallows' set. Show up and AFI was about to go one. Highlights of the show was they broke out Triple Zero really early on into their set (maybe it was the 4th or 5th song in the set). I fucking love how no one knows anything before their Sing the Sorrow album. A few years back I remember they played A Single Second and I was going ape shit in the pit like it was one of their early days hardcore shows, doing shit you'd always see at CB's or something back in the day. All I remember was some kid in pants so tight that his balls must've not had any circulation calling me an asshole... and then me roundhouse kicking that fucker to the floor. Anyway, yea. My sister was laughing at me when I let out a big "FUCK YES!" when they started playing Love is a Many Splendored Thing too. I fucking love that song and it's so old. But yea, only complaints I had about the show was the fact I hate seeing shows at Roseland now. I think the last time I enjoyed myself at a show there was the Misfits 25th Anniversary tour kick off show, and that was cause fucking Googy gave me and TJ vip passed and we hung out with J~Sin and JV upstairs in the VIP balcony til the Misfits went on. Also, you know what I loved? This DRUNK SLOB screaming her fucking lungs out every five seconds "DAVEY! I LOVE YOU!!! DAAAAVY!!!!" I started sarcastically yelling every time she would until her friend finally shut her up. I really had a good laugh to myself when I was walking back to my car to drive across town after the show was over. Why? About 2 blocks away from Roseland, I found that drunk slob passed out in a door way, huddled on the floor, doing that post-puke spitting up disgustingness. I looked at her and said "Yea, that's attractive," and kept on walking.

When I got to my car, I discovered Romil, Dennis, Dan, Ken and Lucas were at this place called Vero. Dennis gave me the wrong address and I walked around for a bit til I realized he told me a street above the street it was on. I show up and Dennis is hitting on two girls. I butted in and one of these girls kept reaching for my hat which was in my hand at the time. i was like "excuse me, what in the fuck are you doing?" She told me she wanted to know if it was a Yankees hat and I asked her if she was gonna not talk to me if it wasnt. My time at Vero was spent watching Dennis go girl to girl and not get anywhere as well as wait up for Jeff to meet me up. Jeff finally met us up and we left to go to Turtle Bay for a hot second to see if we could get a free beer or two since he used to work there. I REALLY hate that place now after that night. At first it was that I was annoyed, then bothered by the place, but now i just fucking hate it and everyone inside it. The bouncers giving me a hard time for NO reason. the bartenders just being so full of themselves (yea dude with the frosted tips, you're so fucking cool. I wanna be on your team you fucking waste of life). Oh, and the MONGOLOID GAVONE PIECE OF SHIT bouncer who gave me a hard time about wearing my hat. Yea, fuck you. I was told at the door to take my hat off when I go inside. I walk in and 3 people are standing right in front of me wearing their hats. I went into the bathroom right before I left and I put my hat on so I wouldn't have to hold it as I piss. As soon as I put it on, I hear this voice, a voice that could only have came out of some neanderthal, telling me to take my hat off when inside the bar. I turned around and was like "are you fucking kidding me? I'm taking a goddamn piss." The guy was like "I don't care." I look at him and go "I am not holding my hat in my dick hand and getting piss all over it in the process." He was like "I don't care, put it in your back pocket." I told him I am not bending the brim just so I could take a fucking piss and stood there watching him stare at me, and waiting for me to take my hat off. Eventually, I muttered "scumbag" and took my hat off when I realized he was just gonna stand there and probably drag me out as soon as I finished pissing. I put the hat under my arm and pissed .While doing this, this fucking ape-man starts gargling listerine all obnoxious-like, dousing himself in cologne and then taking cigarettes from the bathroom attendant and then having the nerve to give the attendant shit like "what the fuck are you looking at me like that for?" AS I left the bar this Cro-Magnon kept giving me this "i'm a tough guy" stare down at me as I just light my cigarette, staring at him and giving him a dirty look back, as I waited for Jeff and Romil to figure out what they wanted to do.

Romil went home and Jeff asked me to drop him off at his apartment. I then drove my ass downtown to meet up JV and Loki and whoever else they were with at Down the Hatch. I show up and it's drunken 21 year old after drunken 21 year old all over the place. Apparently it was Sam's friend's 21st b-day and she was SLOPPY by the time I showed up. Me and Loki just kept taking shot after shot of rumple minz as we bullshitted about this and that drinking our drinks. right before we all left, sam's friend went head firsst through the front door. Being outside smoking a cigarette, I hear this comotion and look down the stairs to the see this mess at the front door going on. She's on the floor and her friends are trying to help her up. All I could hear was "Nooooo. Dooooon't. Leave me, I'm happy." I couldn't stop laughing as her friends had to basically carry her out and down the street back to where ever she lives.

I somehow made it back home and fell asleep to try and get some sleep before work. I woke up and got to work Saturday morning. work was boring as shit. After work, I rushed home, took a shower, got changed and headed to Loki's to watch the fight. I showed up and no one was home. I woke up Chris who was pissed off cause he just got home from work and fell asleep and my dumb ass opens the front door, yelling "HELLLOOOOO!" and then going back outside and repeatedly ringing the front doorbell. Thinking back, I shoulda taken a picture of his face when he came down the stairs to ask me "what in the HELL are you doing?" I sat on the couch, nodding off to these 2 assholes on fox reviewing movies til Loki got home. He came back with a SHIT-TON of liquor (as seen below):



OK, so a few of those bottles were from prior to his booze run, but still, that's what a 300+ dollar shopping spree at the liquor store looks like. Loki ate his dinner he picked up and we all started drinking as people showed up like stragglers throughout the night. We got SHITTY! All I remember is we kept laughing at how drunk we all were. Unfortunately, I eventually passed the fuck out from only getting 3 hours sleep the night before and drinking myself stupid. I mean, it was a good idea anyway since I had to wake up early if I was gonna drive back to New York for work, and then BACK to Jersey after work on Sunday. Sadly, my sleep was short. Why? Loki decided around 2am to wake me up and force shots down my throat telling me "We're not going to sleep yet. We're still drinking. WAke up." I just kept kicking and screaming like a little child until they dragged me back to the table and I was propped up in a seat with drinks being thrown at me. Around 5am me and Bob both claimed the downstairs couches to sleep on. I fell asleep rambling God knows what as Loki and JV argued over whatever it was they were talking about that me and Bob kept butting into the convo of every now and then til we fell asleep. According to Bob, I fell asleep hugging some big framed photo of Loki as a child til Loki took it out of my hands. Why? I have no idea other than the fact it was on the couch I was sleeping on.

I woke up around 8am Sunday morning. staggered around the house looking for my shit, chasing the cat off my jacket and staggered out the door for a nice fun drive home filled with swerving and trying not to fall asleep behind the wheel. I got home, changed my clothes, dumped some cologne on me so I didn't smell like a bottle of rumple minz and then took off for work. I basically spent the entire day at work trying not to pass out. At one point I just locked myself in the bathroom. Put the lid down n the toilet, sat on it as a chair and used the handicapped handrail as a pillow and tried getting some sleep. I figured if anyone wondered, they'd think I was just backed up and dropping off some major Cosby kids off at the pool. This went on just about all day at work. By the time it was closing time I just bee-lined it outta there and back to the house for a shower and change. Right before I left for Jersey I stopped off at the Sunoco right next to the on ramp to I-87 in Ardsley to get some Monster energy drinks and sun chips to try and revive me. While wandering around the shop, Loki calls me, laughing as I answered cause he had to tell me Bob was complaining about how I woke him up cause of all the grunting I was doing earlier in the morning as I walked around the house. Loki told me they were headed to the club after we were going to hang up our phones and I decided to go straight to the club. I showed up, BSed with the guys outside, basically telling Loki, JV and Bob to all go to hell for how shitty I felt and then we headed inside.

When we walked in, the Bad Whoremoans were playing and maybe a song or two in after I walked in, this little kid sporting a devilock came up on stage with them to sing Where Eagles Dare (photo, by Loki, below):



After their set was done I started heading towards outside to have a cigarette until Shannyn, who I haven't seen in ages, grabs me and says hello. We talked for a bit. Then Jaymz who I haven't seen in even longer walks in and we shoot the shit until I finally say I wanna cigarette. went outside and BSed with even more people I hadn't seen in a while, filled with me and Ciccone yelling nonsense every now and then and laughing about stupid shit.

Eventually Darrow Chemical Company set was about ready so everyone headed back inside. Having been sitting there for most if not all of the process of that band, it was a nice to see JV finally got the lineup solidified and the songs all finished up and completed for the most part. They did a really good job and I think JV's goal of bringing good music back to the horror punk scene did it's job. Good shit.

Afterwards, Blitzkid came on and rocked the house too. I haven't seen them in a while and they played just as good as they ever did. Their new drummer is a fucking animal too. My only complaints about that part of the night was A) there was quite a few kids standing near me who needed to learn how to wash their asses. It smelt so bad like the swamp ass of someone who didn't wipe properly. Sooo gross. I seriously thought I was gonna pass out from the vile smell at points of their set. Another thing was the 3 skanky girls who basically spent the whole night trying to suck blitzkid's collective cocks.

After the show was over I went outside to smoke a cigarette which turned into just hanging out on the street with everyone til the club closed and we all ended up crossing the street to hang out at Dingo's for a few drinks. Ox bought a tray of jello shots for all of us. I didn't really drink cause I figured i'd pass the fuck out behind the wheel on my way home. Ox kept pumping the jukebox full of Misfits/Samhain/Danzig and then some other metal bands here and there like Pantera and Lamb of God. Despite the fact I was beyond delirious, exhausted and fighting gravity from making me collapse to the floor, I had a really good time and it made me realize how much I miss living in Jersey and hanging out with all these people at random house parties we all used to throw every once in a while.

After a while, we all headed our separate ways with some of us eventually heading back to Loki's as planned hours before when we left Dingbatz. I decided to follow JV and Sam back to Loki's since my navigation system has been on the fritz. Of course a giant truck cuts me off and when I finally get a change to go around it I start following the wrong car for a while til I finally catch up to it and realize it wasn't Sam's car but some random moron's. I then tried turning my navigation system on. After freezing up and keep fucking up it finally tells me how to get to Loki's from whatever God awful part of whatever God awful town I was in at that point. It ended up taking me on what I'd like to refer to as the scared straight version of a detour back to Loki's. It kept telling me to go down these random streets in Patterson that i was pretty sure would lead to me getting shot at or car jacked. Even better, my fucking navigation system kept telling me to fucking go the wrong way down one way streets. I had to basically sit tehre and try and figure out what street it was trying to get me to and find my own way to these streets. I eventually got a call from JV asking me where the hell I went and I told him where i was. Turns out I was apparently 10 miles from Loki's house if I took this long as fuck, dark as shit, road down passed fields and woods.

I showed up to Loki's as Germs was rolling up and we headed inside BSing with one another while Matt Johnson kept turning the volume on the tv louder and louder as JV and Germs argued over nonsense that I would butt in and instigate once in a while. We watched the video of the Darrow Chemical Company set that Keith video taped and then Loki kicked us out of his room to go to sleep. We went back downstairs, smoked a little and then eventually I decided to go home cause I knew I was not gonna get any sleep sleeping on that damn couch again and was gonna get woken up early by either Loki or Chris. Driving home really late at night, it sucked. From the Garden State exit to halfway across the Tappan Zee Bridge on 287 was a thick as shit fog filled with nothing but state trooper after state trooper just sitting along side the road. Then a few miles after the bridge was more fog. I evntually got home and PASSED THE FUCK OUT. I woke up to a plethora of texts that I didn't even see I got throughout the night and into this morning, and even afternoon. Tried replying back to some (ok, only the last 3 I got), tried to drag myself to the bathroom and realize I slept through the entire morning and didn't wake up to my alarm I set to wake me up and get me doing the shit I had to do today. And uh... yea. That sums up my day. Now, I gotta go write up a letter I have to fax out that I completely forgot to do earlier this week that's gotta be sent no later than midnight tonight.