I Will Bring Down The Ugly in the World

I have come to the conclusion that if I do not DESTROY the cast of Jersey Shore I have to kill myself. It's that simple.

Yes, I am fucking serious.

One of these fucking Mongoloids, Pauly D or some shti like that, was "DJ-ing" at Sutton Place. Guess who wanted to go to Sutton Place tonight and drove past the bar looking for a parking spot to see a line down the fucking block? THIS GUY! (guess who also got woken up to "lets go out" and then when a stones throw from the FDR gets told "oops, I forgot my wallet" This luckiest son of a bitch in the world typing these words.

Yea, OH! Did I mention how angry I was before I even stepped foot of the bar I ended up going to instead? Yea, I mean, besides seeing the long ass line to the bar I WANTED to go to and was told some piece of shit was using his ipod to play HORRENDOUS fucking music into a PA system? I tried getting a parking spot, but this cab kept creeping up my ass and honking at me to move up so he could squeeze through the street (cause you know, GOD FORBID someone has the paitence to let someone park their car or the know how to pass around said car). So, after I let this guy go around me, a car pulled into the spot as I was backing up towards it. Then, by some retard luck, I pulled around the corner and saw someone pulling out of their spot. As I was waiting, I saw someone start waiting behind me with some kinda intent to perform a coup attack to get the spot from me. What did this turn into? Me cursing like a sailor about how I am gonna smash their massive fucking nose into their skull by curb stomping them, all while parallel parking. They drove off and I kept cursing at them til they were far from my angry yelling range.

I showed up to Opal with Scott and Mike Dani to see Romil and Ian were hanging at the bar, since Scott told them we were coming into the city and Ian was already in th area and Romil just got back from a date. Maybe 2 seconds later, Loki and Mary showed up cause Scott told them as well to meet us up there.

We started off taking shots of Jager in honor of the bar being over flowing with the scum of the earth that couldn't get into Sutton Place to see that fucking orange skinned mongoloid ruin their ear drums with shit and cerebral paulsy bellowings into the mic. GOD! I wanted to go into that bar just to spit in his fucking face cause i was so annoyed with all these people coming into a fine establisment like Opal and sullying it with their over gelled hair and OH MY GOD, this one girl had a bleached "poof" so fucking big I kept calling her Bart Simpson. most of the night was me being a giant asshole to people I didn't know (what else is fucking new?)

I think the only time I had a good time was when the DJ at Opal put Tik Tok on by Kesha as I was walking back into the bar from having a cigarette and I just got up in everyone's face dancing like a complete asshole and I was making these 2 random hot girls fucking tear from laughing so hard at my antics. Then, Lady Gaga came on and I started up again dancing around and getting in people's faces and shaking my ass at them like I was a dumb bimbo. This lead to this almost plain girl coming up to me and talking to me.

I think the truely bad downfall of my already in the gutters evening was when I went to the back bar of Opal. First of all, I never go back there because it's like a danceateria for the mentally challenged. But yea, Romil, Mike and Scott disappeared into the back so Ian and his brother who met us up later on were like "let's go back there." First of all, the bartender took my order, walked away and started flirting with some triolobite of a human being for a while and as I started to get agitated, Neil (aka Ian's brother) went across the bar and basically said "are you gonna serve us or what?" So yea, i get my drink and head in the back to see Mike and Scott are talking to these fucking HAGS in their late 30s/early 40s and I am told not to say anything by Romil. I was told to let them do their thing. FINE, whatever. Then the blond psudo-plain girl comes up to me and grabs me by the hand and drags me off to the side. This ended quickly cause some other MONGO came up to me and I told him with the Diso light effects, he looks like R2D2 busted a nut all over his face and he was apparently trying to get with this girl too and shoved me away and I had to calm myself from throwing a left hook all up in his grill. So, I walk back to where everyone else was and the fucking piece of shit Scott was talking to gave me a dirty look, said something to me and walked away like she was better than me. I WENT OFF! Oh my God, I have never perpetuated the beating of women (ok, maybe in joking) but LORD! I wanted to grab this girl... excuse me, grandma, in the back of the head and smash her fucking botched plastic surgery face right into the fucking repeatedly wall til her teeth fell out. Romil had to grab me and drag me out of the bar. This turned into the "you have to let go of your anger, you cant keep doing this, it's gonna consume you," speech (here's a hint, I am the epitomy of every speech the Emperor gave in the original Star Wars series about hate and anger by this point in my life).

I got fed up, and wanted to leave to another bar. Ian, Neil and Mike Dani decide to go to Turtle Bay. If you know me, I am not fond of that place, but will go in as a last resort. First of all, every bouncer thought I was already dealt with by them cause you know, every fucking Italian in the tri-state area showed up to this part of town and I guess we all look alike? I dunno. I get in there and who could be DJing in there? The worlds worst DJ. If you don't know, I've been pulled away from the DJ booth at that place for telling the DJ he is ruining people's lives with his beyond reproach taste in music and the fact he will play that siren sound effect every Dj plays, but he will play it over something like "all the Small Things" by Blink-182... which who in their right mind plays at a bar? Outside the bar I talked to some girl, but as usual, some fucing piece of shit swooped in and had to cock block me which seemed to be my problem whenever I talked to a girl last night... I think my anger may be stemming from the fact girls would show interest in me and then every single one changed their minds and talked to the more in shape guy with the cleaner cut look and doesn't have the tan of someone who has been hiding in a cave their entire lives. Oh, and how can I forget the hot girl that starts talking to me, and then kinda pushes me off to her less attractive friend? Yea, that was fun. Thanks, you skanky bitch.

i was in such a bad mood at this point that, while on the line for the bathroom, i picked one guy out in the line and began just relentlessly making fun of him. I started with his hair. Then when I got to his Ed Hardy hoodie, I just let fucking loose. "Do you use your love of tigers and dragons on elaborate designs as a pick up line for other men?" "How many times a week do you fantasize about sucking off Christian Audigier?" "How does Ed Hardy water taste? Does it give you the vitamins you need to keep that look of someone having shit on your head?" (ok, I can't remember the hate I was spewing from my mouth at this time cause I was just hoping he'd swing at me so I could dessimate him, but it never happened). We ended up leaving, everyone but me getting pizza, and then I had to drive Ian and his brother back to Inwood and Mike back to Pelham, where I am amazed how I found his house on the ride there (I've only been there once before last night) and then the JOY of not finding my way back home.

So yea, I got home at like 6am to have to wake up and be at work at 9:30. What did I do? Showed up an hour late to work, cursed out co-workers. left early to go to the cafe across the street, hit on the girl with the big ass and busted face that works there, came back to the office to eat my sandwich, made fun of an employee, and have been sitting here deciding if I wanna meet up Loki after work to get drunk and watch football with the possibility of lashing out at more people I don't know to vent my anger that has carried over from last night into today.

So, you know that saying that one action can affect something on the other side of the world? Well, the action of Sutton Place hiring that mongo from Jersey Shore steam rolled, not across the Earth, but down the block, to me, wanting to perform some kinda killing spree/suicide attempt. (seriously, it disgusts me that people like that in the world get praised instead of booed until everyone's thraot is sore or stoned to death, biblical style)

... and for some reason for the past two days I've been waking up thinking of Carlos Nobrega's death. I dunno why. 2 days ago I woke up thinking of his lip tattoo he had and this morning I had a memory of getting the phone call from Al when he called to tell me that he died in a car accident and I had to pick Al up from the airport when he flew in for the funeral. Now I can't stop listening to Minutes to Midnight which I associate with this poor kid's death cause it came out the day that Carlos died and that's basically all me and Al listened to the entire time Al was back in NY for the wake, funeral and nights sitting in those Tarrytown bars just sulking that his best friend died.

Turning Lemons into Carbonium Nitrate

Yesterday went as such. Bored out of my mind all day at work. Came home, bored. Talked to Romil. He was bored all day too. We decided to head out to the bars to watch whatever games the bars had on at the time we got there. Loki texted me as I was getting ready and said he would meet us up in an hour.

Fucking traffic was disgusting. People were driving like they just got their licenses last night. 87 was nothing but pockets of traffic up til the GW Bridge. My favorite stupid situation was the one where the guy in front of me was driving like he was from Connecticut (CT drivers fucking slam on the breaks for no reason every few minutes. It is BEYOND annoying). He and I were in the center lane. I was trying to get around him when he slams the breaks and stops short, in the MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING HIGHWAY, and I was gonna swerve around him when i noticed the car to the left of him slammed on his breaks too. I had to slam hard on my breaks and pray I didn't slam into either car. Turns out, this car infront of the car to left slammed on the breaks and then began to cut across 3 lanes to try and hop on an off ramp that A) we fucking passed already and; B) was backed the fuck up for a good mile or so. I was gripping an empty Monster can I have had sitting in my cup holder for months now (why, I dunno. I figure if I ever need to throw something out of anger, it's there). Yea, I was planning on driving up next to this guy that almost caused and accident and nailing his car with the can, but he gunned it the moment he realized that there was a lot of cars behind him that he backed up with his little stunt.

Stupidity like this went on til I got to the exit I usually take to get on the service road leading to the 3rd Ave bridge. THAT was backed up. FDR wasn't too horrible, which is weird since that thing gets like a parking lot heading south on weekends. Finding parking was horrendous too. We met up in the east 50s. You got all these consulate parking only spots and their respective buildings taking up these streets. (You know, you'd think with all these bars around the United Nations, you'd see an embassador or some weird people from other contries coming into these places ONCE in a while. Then again, I imagine the consulates look nicer than any house I'm allowed to step foot in).

Anyway, I find this spot. I am SHOCKED that there's enough room for maybe 4 cars to line up at. Then I see these weird signs claiming that it's no parking from this hour to that hour and this and that. I then get to the part about saturday parking. 8am to midnight is when the meters run on that street. I had to pay something like 8 bucks to park on the fucking street so the meter wouldn't run out, and on top of that, the meter wouldn't go to midnight, it'd stop at 11:59pm. But whatever.

I met Romil up. We had a drink each, left the bar to scope out the new "pub" next to Sutton Place, realized it was rock bottom with blue neon lights, and then looked in Sutton Place and realized that was pretty weak, so we went back to Opal.

We drank for a bit, waited for Loki to park his car, which also took forever for him to find a spot, and sat around drinking and watching the Colts/Ravens game til that was done. All paid our seperate tabs (which was a shocker to us cause romil's tab and mine were the same, and he was the one ordering nothing but scotches aged 15 years or so where as I was getting well gin and tonics the entire time).

We then went to Sutton Place. I pissed and when I came back (dude, this story is all coming back to me as I type this, I had a bad case of amnesia when I woke up and typing is making it all come out. Spooky scary). Anyway, where was I? Oh yea, so I piss and come back and Loki has a giant glass of gin and tonic waiting for me. I mean like GIANT, or at least that's how my memory is perceiving it. Hell, in my mind, when I see gin and tonic, I imagine it as this bowling ball sized glowing goblet with little angels singing from the heavens. Anyway, a few sips in, and Romil and Loki saying how "it's that part of the night" cause i was saying random shit to people as they'd walk by, I hear someone come up to me and call me by my full, birth, name. I hear "MICHAEL!" I am like "who in the fuck calls me that?" (Loki even said something along the lines of; in all the years I've known you, i never heard anyone call you that so many times in one night). Yea, it was one of my cousin's. Her and her two friends were in the same bar as us. you know that was gonna be trouble. Well, ok, maybe YOU didn't, but I know her (obviously) and I knew trouble was a'brewin'.

we went upstairs to the middle floor bar (for those of you not in the know, Sutton Place is 3 levels of bars. A floor level, a mid level, and a rooftop level that is always a little more high priced than the other 2 levels). Up there... I had to piss again. When I came out, I see this mongoloid of a guy trying to hit on my cousin and her two friends. Dude was all hunched over them like his name was Igore. I went over to grab her and her friends for shots, so at least I could see what her friends were working with here, and tell my cousin "don't talk to that mongoloid." She goes "Oh my GOD, do you know him?" I go "no, I wouldn't want to know him, just fucking come here, grab your friends. We're doing shots." I asked what they wanna drink. Not one answer out of them. Me and Loki looked at each other with the look of realization we were gonna have to take control of this. All I heard was my cousin say "anything but tequila" and next thing i know me and Loki are telling the bartender to give up 5 shots of tequila and 2 of rumple minz (the 2 shots of the minz were for he and I, obviously, haa). All I heard was "blegh!" left and right from the girls as me, Romil and Loki all took our shots like they were that pink medicine we all got as a child (what the fuck was that again? tasted like bubblegum... made from fungus... dammit, what is that shit? I know I should know this simple answer but am too out of it to blurt out sciency words right now. Eh, fuck it, TJ will text me the answer after he reads up to here later, wont you TJ).

Um, yea. Where was I going with this damn thing. My side tracking is at an all time high with this blog today.

Oh yea, so that's where it all went to shit. It was soon discovered my cousin's friends were those kinda girls who don't look good but act like they should be treated as royalty and are better than you and shit. Had we not left them, we would have probably had a good time watching me belittle these skags my cousin calls her firends.

All else I remember is going to Premavera for their disgustingly over priced, nothing special, pizza. I remember Loki and I sitting there, doing the David Hasslehoff, having over our pizzas at the bench when you first walk in, grunting at each other with pizza in our mouths and pretending we're having a real conversation.

Then I wandered off and according to my texts from Romil around 2am, I went MIA.

I woke up this morning, and like I said to him and Loki in a text when I got to work (yes, after a long night of drinking, i come into the office on a sunday to open the fucking office and get shit done... FUCK, I just remembered I left a pile of crap to do in the back. Eh, it's on someone else's desk, maybe they'll think they have to do it). Oh yea, this is where I write what I texted them. I said something like I felt as if I was the dude from Momento and I was going on Reciepts and pieces of pizza scattered across my passenger seat as clues as to what the fuck happened last night. I seriously woke up with beernesia (yes, I just made that up. Definition: when you drink so much you forget who you are, what day it is, where you are and what you did last night... fuck, I'm putting that up on urban dictionary right now... fuck, it's in there already). Anyway, yea. pizza and reciepts. That's what I had to go by. And from what I can see. 40-something spent at opal, 50-something (on shots alone) at Sutton Place, 60 dollars taken from the ATM outside Premavera and what looks like cheese covered onion slices and what I imagine is oregano scattered across my passenger seat. Oh yes, I drove down my street throwing these pieces of pizza out my window into neighbors driveways and lawns.

And you think tonight is gonna be relaxed? NOPE. Apparently I'm meeting up Loki and Stathi for some football engergized boozing. If this is anything like last year when we'd go out every sunday after I got outta work, I am in for hell (and by hell, I mean just a saucy good time). We would meet up in Suffern, have a drink and watch the first quarter of a game, head out to some Jersey bar called Burbon Street where it was nothing but fat old men in football jerseys of their favorite teams yelling drunkenly at the massive amounts of tvs in that place, and then after the game head back to suffern where we'd just start off with mind erasers and I'd be seen LIT UP running around screaming drunken nonsense as we drank well into the morning (especially if Stathi was closing up the bar? FORGET IT! There's been times where he'd lock up and we wouldn't leave the place til 11am the next morning.)

So yea, although Stathi doesn't work at that bar in Suffern anymore, I am pretty sure tonight will still be ridiculous. (man, I miss those deep fried tortilla chips and home made salsa they had at that bar... I am such a fat ass).

And Monday? I dunno what the plan is monday, but I'm sure the first person to tell me they don't have work and wanna do some midday boozing, I am down for that.

The Bender to Ender December Part II

So, monday wasn't all that bad... for me at least. Kinda quiet (minus me screaming over my headphones on xbox live while I played Modern Warfare 2 with Scott earlier in the day). Basically monday was a day of lots of sleep to make up for the complete lack of sleep I got between Thursday and Sunday night.

Woke up to a bunch of texts from different people and then talked to Scott to find out he's in the dumps cause he was dumped... or something like that. I never really sat down and talked to him seriously for more than a few minutes of the subject (some friend, eh?)

So, what did I do? I was planning on going out tuesday for dollar beers or something but it turned into me taking Scott out to um... where the FUCK did we go? Oh yea, we went to Opal where Dan and Romil were hanging out having drinks together. We had a few drinks there and just shot the shit. There was some office party of some sort being held there. It was just this old dirty fucker with a bunch of young hot girls and some other old bag of a woman with them too. One girl had these RIDICULOUS boobs, and a nice ass. Jesus. This guy Dan kept refering to as "The Jersey Shore" kept hitting on her for a while net to us and we just kept making comments aomngst ourselves about how disgusted we were with this. At one point Romil accidentally spilled a beer all over Dan's coat and on Scott. This resulted in him making it up to us (even though I don't think anything really got on me) being given a round of this 15 year old scotch he just discovered recently. It was pretty good.

After a few rounds, we packed up our shit and left for across the street to this wine bar that Dan's friend was working at for the night. We just kept ordering rounds of gin and tonics til we got pretty shitted up. I think this was followed with shots of Jameson and that's around the time I was like "welp, I'm retarded right about now." Did I mention that when this girl serves us, she basically just pours an entire glass of gin and then puts like 3 droplets of tonic? All I pretty much remember in there was rounds of gin, fucking with the plug in menorah, and her being a fool for giving me and Scott quetionares to fill out. Some classic names written down were my "I. Ron Hyde" with the email "TransformersRule@gmail.com" and Scott's "Al B. Tross". Rory Calhoon got a few messages in basically saying something about wanting to motorboat "the blond with big cans". Haa. Dan kept telling us to be civil, but seriously, you put forms to fill out at a bar in front of drunk people with witty minds and what do you expect?

Around this time I was outside having a cigarette and I was informed that the girl was telling off Romil... so I of course continued to stay outside since last time I saw this girl I was informed she said I had many deep seeded issues (the time before that time I was kicked out the bar she worked at 3 times in one night... a new personal best if you ask me). Around this time Jose was texting me asking where we were so he could meet us up. He later found us across the street at this over priced pizza joint we eat at cause in that area of town, that's considered the cheaper of the pizzerias. That, and it's right next to all the bars. While ordering, Dan would ask for shit like "that 15 dollar slice over there" and "your premium 20 dollar bottled water" just being a dick to the guy cause of something that happened a while ago when he was in there once. We ate, Jose found us and we hopped in the car to give Dan a ride home.

We were all yelling shit at the window to people we were passing by. Of course, the one time I yell something out the window turns ugly. I yelled at some fat slob "Nice posture, fat ass!" This resulted in some guy, who I didn't even direct the comment to, chasing us 2 blocks down the street to a red light I was at, sticks his face in the window and goes "YEA! YOU SO TOUGH NOW?" I said "excuse me? was I talking to you?" He then kicked my car, goes "Yea, how do you like that?" and then runs off. Scott goes "did that guy just kick your car? Congratulations guy, you just kicked a car that no one cares about." We all started laughing hysterically at how retarded this guy was. Did I mention he looked like what I imagine Louis CK would look like if he just didn't shave at all?

But yea, after dropping Dan off, it was agreeded that we should all go to Down the Hatch for dollar beers. You know that feeling when you realize what was once a good place to have fun at is starting to make you feel old? Yea, it's starting to get like that when we go in there sometimes and tuesday night was one of those nights. The only fun we really had was when Scott just started bumping into some girl on purpose pushing her back and I was behind her, stomping my foot repeatedly at her like a horse in heat or something. She got so fucking freaked out and just ran off as we busted out hysterically laughing at her.

Other than that, i don't really know of what else we did that was noteworthy. OH, how can I forget. The scenes we made while sitting at the bar before we left. Singing nonsense into Scott's ear, bear hugging him and basically dry humping him and telling him to "accept it" as this couple sitting next to us looked on in shock, awe and confusion. Me repeatedly taking the tongs from the bar and snapping them at Scott and Jose and then finally me insinuating that we steal as many straws from the bar as possible. Basically just Scott shoved a shit ton of straws in his coat pocket as I kept trying to shove cocktail straws down his back pocket while running out laughing our asses off.

All else I can remember about that night was being in the hot dog joint on the corner of 4th and 6th (what the fuck is that place called? Something like Papaya Dog?) Nothing but sexual references to food were made while in there such as when the guy asked me what I wanted to order I pointed to Scott who put an order in for me with his, saying "he's gonna give me a big kenish" and "he's all the hot dog I need." The guy behind the counter was bewildered.

Wednesday night we were gonna go to the city, but I forgot Dan said he was gonna take the two of us to see the Nets lose with his dad. We picked him up from this bar/restaurant called the Bicycle Club or something and then we got lost from there. Ended up taking horrible side roads for a half an hour to an hour. Horrible. Then we get there and parking is horrible. The staff of people who work there are horrible. the way to get into the place is horrible. the team is doing beyond horrible. The seats we had on the other hand were pretty fucking good.In fact, here's the picture I took to send to Romil to show him how close to the court we were:



Like I said, they lost and I lost for paying 13 dollars for a beer and bag of nacho chips with nasty cheese and budget salsa.

Thursday wasn't too eventful. we went to 7-11, got Watermellon Four Loco and I passed out on Scott's couch watching King of the Hill with him.

Friday, Oh, friday. Friday, Scott came home from work and we headed out to Union Bar to show him what I would be doing while he's usually at Sarah's on Fridays. Drank gin and gatorade on the ride down to the city. Got to Union Bar and first thing out of my booze serving godess' mouth after she said her hellos to me was "where are your partners in crime?" We had a few drinks and I got it in my head to try and get this hot mess of a woman to hit on Scott. How hot of a mess was she? I think the first glance I got of her was her eating a chunk of cheese and kinda swaying drunkenly to the music while sitting on her bar stool, followed by her finishing the cheese, getting up and dancing like a wounded animal. Oh, and her hair looked like a beret off to it's side... but it was all hair. She was too drunk to even remember to go up to Scott, as well as was too busy grinding up on any filth bag that was horny enough to grind up on her, and all my attempts to have a good laugh to myself went out the window. Jose eventually met us up and so did Mr Dani aka Mr Nauti (haaa, I think maybe Scott is the only one that'll get that joke). Around this time Scott ordered some kinda shot called the angry nazi or the something or other. lemme tell you how it tasted. Remember Big Red chewing gum? Yea, now imagine that made out of poison. Yep. it was all cinamon tasting until the after taste kicked in, then you wonder if you just drank arsenic. Around this time is when Scott brushed past some guy and yelled something like "get out of my way, black dude!" Jose grabbed Scott, Mike tried talking to the guys that were offended by Scott. I saw nothing being resolved so I butt into the conversation, and trying to sound all professional, saying "excuse me gentlemen what seems to be the problem?" They went off repeating what Scott said and then that they think he's a racist, etc. I then respond with "no need to fear, I fight for diversity."They all looked at each other like "what the fuck?" and were so confused about the whole situation they just started laughing. Confusion and stupity saved Scott's ass from a beat down.

Eventually Loki rolled up and around this time is when Mike and Jose took Scott to McDonalds to sober him up and get some food in his belly. Me and Loki hung out at the bar drinking and doing rumple minz shots as I cursed his name for ordering them. eventually he and I closed our tabs out and met the rest of the guys up at McDonalds and basically sat tehre eating fries and watching Scott be a drunken mess. We decided on heading to Joshua Tree for a little bit, but that ended in Scott passing the fuck out in my car, Mike heading home after showing up and Loki heading home shortly after that. Me and Jose finished our drinks, went back to the car where Scott was passed out, and I took Jose home and then took Scott back home.

You ever hear the stories I am the only one to witness? The stories that involve me trying to drop a very black out drunk Scott off at his home? It usually involves him thinking I am going to kill him and throw him in the woods. Where this idea came from, no one will probably ever know. But yea. 20 minutes of me VIOLENTLY shaking him to try and wake him followed a few times by banging his head into the inside of the passenger door is about what happened. Yelling at him to wake up and get out of my car. This resulted in me opening my door, and keeping it open just in case he tries locking me out of the car with this insane fear of me killing him, going to his side of the car and ripping the door open followed by me going "get the fuck out of my car, you're home!" He looks up, sees the bushes and trees across the street from his house and goes "OH NO! NOT THE WOODS!" and fights me off and then slams the door closed on me. I then ran back around to my side of the car to make sure he didn't close it on me and I just start raining blows of open palmed slaps at him to get him out... finally he gets up and is like "jeez, ok. fine," and staggered off towards his house.

Yesterday, what happened? I wake up after a long post work nap and wake up to find out Scott's car is having trouble in the snow and he needs me to drive and John and his girlfriend are in town from New Mexico. Head to John's grandfather's where he's staying and all 4 of us meet up at this bar down the street for a few drinks with John's aunt. We left and went to a bar that actually accepted credit cards and a few drinks turned into many. Then it turned into John's girlfriend slapping me hard in the face. I felt it was undeserved, but whatever. Apparently, she doesn't like people using the term "retarded" (even after John was quoting a part from Daniel Tosh's standup where that phrase was used excessively) and the creme de la creme that resulted in me getting slapped was I called John a vagina or something and then when i said "you're girlfriend's right here" she just got up and slapped me as hard as could be. I just sat there in shock that I got slapped by this girl I just met and is dating my friend. Um, what else can I say to besmirch this girl's image? Oh, her sherlock holms style of theory that I am gay because I chew gum. Yes, apparently people think I'm gay because I chew gum and her gay friends back in New Mexico chew gum. If you think about it, the theory is irrefutable, no? Oh, did I mention she works with children who are kinda slow? So yea, the term "retarded" is a no-no, using physical force instead of talking things out is a yes!

So yea, that has been the week so far. Lord only knows what tonight has in store, if anything.

Fat guy at work is trying to convince me to go to an office mixer. I'm trying to convince Scott to come with me cause i am not going alone and obviously cannot pick up a date to save my life (especially since just about every girl I know doesn't talk to me anymore because of something or another lately). This is gonna be BAD if I do go. Ugh. Whatever. gotta actually go back to doing something productive at work since I actually came in. UGH