"Summarize"

Since Thursday afternoon, up until maybe yesterday, my life was a whirlwind of stupidity and indulgences.

Lets see. Highlights of Thursday include meeting up Kyle, heading to the east village with him and my sister, wandering for a bit til I decided to take the 2 of them to Blue and Gold. We hung out there for a bit and sucked it up with dealing with the bitter, stuck up, a-hole bartender (which is basically anyone that place employs if you ask me). My sister eventually left around the same time Kyle's friend met us up for drinks. Around this time, we also decided to trek across the LES. Noting much went down. We went to one bar with a cute bartender (which is around the same time I started getting these chalices of gin and soda), and um... what else? Oh, I not only convinced these 3 homeless guys that I didn't have any money, but that I too was homeless. Bad idea, since after the convincing was done, I was bombarded with helpful hints on how to stay warm in the cold months and where to look for free to substantially low priced residency. Then they asked me why I was hanging out with two kids who obviously had money to buy pizza and not get me pizza. This is around the time I kinda just scampered off after saying something that was just me verbally trailing off, followed by me trailing off physically.

The night was pretty mundane for the most part after that, except for when we me and Kyle were going back to my sister's. For some reason we got on the wrong side of the tracks. We were on the west bound side when we needed to be on the east bound, headed to Brooklyn. What did we do? Well, first I calmed Kyle down and told him we could just walk up the stairs and go around to the other side... of course I lead us to the wrong set of stairs, and lead to Kyle freaking out and jumping on the tracks and running across them to the other platform. Of course, I being a drunk idiot followed as everyone had this mortified look on their faces and stared us down afraid we'd do something else equally crazy.

Closest thing to crazy done after that was me stare at this subway poster for that movie Date Night. Stare at it good til I noticed a slight tear in Tina Fey's face and then well... this:

Friday, we laid there on the couches in my sister's apartment for a good chunk of the day. I eventually left, went back home, showered, changed, packed a bag, and then was back out the door to go back to my sister's to meet up Kyle. Ended up having a burrito the length of my forearm waiting for Kyle to get back from McSorely's. After arguing that i refused to drive to Philly, we got on one of those Chinaman express busses to Philly. Within 5 minutes of the bus leaving the "station", the emergency escape window busted open. I couldn't help but laugh for some reason as the Asian kid sitting in one of the seats next to the window just up and yells "HOLY DOG SHIT!" and started freaking out a little.

Then there's the fight between these two FILTH bags in a Acura TL decked out in racing stickers and those obnoxious mufflers that look like they are coffee bean cans got out of their car and started yelling at the woman in the BMW behind them in traffic (I guess the woman tapped their bumper? Who knows... those people were FILTH).

Eventually, Kyle and I got to Philly, met up his friend Alexis, and her friends at some bar in South Philly. We dropped our shit off at Alexis' place, met her roommate and some dude she was hanging out with in a tweed jacket.

From there, we went to some punk house to see a buncha "thrash" bands surrounded by people drinking and/or letting loose to the bands playing. This was followed by kids skating and riding bikes around the house and then followed by us, once again stopping off at Alexis' to drop our shit off, convince Lauren (Alexis' roommate) to come out with us, and then head to some bar that had karaoke done by people who could not hit a single note when doing Weezer songs. Highlight of that bar was this girl singing some Blondie song and basically getting all hot and bothered while bombed out of her mouth til the Karaoke host got mad and yelled at her to not molest his equipment (talking about the karaoke equipment, not his penis).

After this, we headed back to the apartment or whatever you call the place they were living in. Drinking like retards. getting high left and right. Being brash to 2 of Alexis' friends that came over. Etc, etc. This went on til about 6:30am when I passed the fuck out on the futon and woke up to everyone being loud a few hours later.

Highlights before we left back for NY were me stumbling upon an original pressing of the Reagan Youth album, an original Black Flag "Louie, Louie" 7" and um... I think that was about it. Oh and sushi right before we had to run to the bus before it left back for NY.

Rest of Saturday consisted of ANOTHER punk house show, this time in a loft in some run down building located in some bad part of town, that was all industrial. This was then followed by showing up to Lucy's to meet up a very inebriated Jared on his birthday followed by me and my sister losing Kyle. Did I mention that it was the most packed I've ever seen Lucy's in all the years I've been going there ever since Jared and I discovered that bar about 5 or 6 years ago?

My sister and I left early to look for Kyle (who was sitting on my sister's couch when we walked into her apartment).

Sunday was nothing but my sister driving me out to Loki's. We hung out there, watched Wrestlemania and all I really recall about that besides having a really good time, was Shammy telling me that if I want to get back in shape, maybe I should consider not drinking gin straight from the bottle as I talked to him about getting back into shape. Oh, and apparently when my sister dropped me back off at the house my mom was still up and somehow ended up going from conversations about ragging on people I used to know and then got into me demanding to her that I marry Lady Gaga over and over. This was followed by my mother repeatedly telling me I was drunk and to go to sleep. This went on til about 4am.

Monday is where I took a break... kinda. Yea, I guess. I was supposed to get a lot of shit done Monday. All that ended up happening was me going all the way out to Jersey with a tow truck to tow my Cobra outta there to take to a shop to have a new motor dropped in it, but this never happened cause some girl parked her car right in front of the garage door and I couldn't get the car out. I came back home, FURIOUS and then all else I did was order a pizza, lay in bed the remainder of the day, and then pick Scott up from the subway in Yonkers where he repaid me with Taco Bell. Pretty mundane night.

Last night I planned on sleeping all day. I did a good amount of that, which I guess was good since I feel like utter shit (may have something to do with Kyle and my sister repeatedly coughing on me from Thursday until Sunday). I was awoken later in the night by Dennis calling me and showing up to my house to take me off to Romil's for his b-day which consisted of me sitting there looking sickly til the movie started (we went to see hot tub time machine). I kept nodding off in the back seat the entire ride home, came home, yelled at my mom for trying to be funny and me telling her I was going to throw something at her if she thought she was gonna come in my room and annoy me any more than she already had done when I walked in the door.

And then there's today. We finally got some people to come cut down the neighbor's tree on our house/property. Did I mention the neighbors ran out of their house once and told this one guy we had come over to look at the tree that we weren't home and to not talk to us about prices for cutting it down, ALL just cause he was too cheap to have to pay anything? talk about scum bag. My mom told this guy working on the tree not to talk to anyone but her or me about this tree.

Between this tree nonsense (they've been here since 6am cutting this fucker to pieces and I am losing my mind) and my mother just really being on my nerves the past 2 days (I really don't think she pays attention to a word I ever say cause she spends an entire day asking me the same thing over and over until I flip a shit at her to shut up and that my answer is not going to change after the first 20 times of it being the same question), not to mention I apparently need to get my Cobra out of the garage by tomorrow and haven't heard shit about when that car is gonna be moved away from the entrance so I can get mine out... I'm gonna lose my mind or have a conniption or something.

And, if there's parts of this that don't make sense, it's probably cause I'm losing my mind from stress and the fact chainsaws and wood chippers are just going off all day, leading me to be distracted.

The Freaks Come Out at Night

Me and Mike were walking down Rivington Street in the Lower East Side last night. A woman stops her car, gets out and asks us for help. We're like "ummm... ok? What's the matter?" in horribly broken english, she tells us she just got her drivers license and she can't parallel park. Me and Mike look at each other in a shock/awe way and I say sure. I get in the car and it is filled with 3 or 4 little kids yelling in Spanish. I turn around and see all these kids and go "what up?" and start parking the car for her. I then got out, walked back to the sidewalk across the way where Mike was standing with the woman and then we wandered off. Quite possibly the most awkward thing that's happened to me in NYC as of late.

THEN, we get to Delancy. We stop at the Burger King over there. Mike's getting ready to order his food. I'm standing to the side where there's 3 kids. This guy who looked like he was all kinds of fucked up on booze and/or drugs just barges in, and starts getting in faces asking if anyone needs to use the bathroom. Starts pounding his fists on the bathroom door and then turns around and says something like "Anyone need to use the bathroom? I'm gonna be in there a loooong time." People sitting down eating were even giving each other weird looks in response to that statement. As soon as an employee unlocked the bathroom door for the guy me, mike and the 3 kids standing around all just look at each other and go "what the fuck?" We all start laughing. As Mike was about to get his food, the guy came barging out of the bathroom with his head soaking wet and just started power walking to the front door.

I think those were the only real highlights of randomness. OH, that and when we got to the bar, Mike went to the bathroom and as I was turning around to walk back to the table where Arielle and her friends were sitting this gay pizza delivery guy came in to drop off a pizza and he and I both got ran down by some loon who just started shoving into each of us seperately as he went for the door outta the bar. I wish I could remember exactly what the gay pizza delivery guy said but I can't... but it was fucking hilarious and I started laughing my ass off as soon as he started going off on the guy.

Oh, and San Loco was had. Sweet glorious San Loco. I hadn't had any in a while and it had been mentioned several times lately. Starting with Dan ranting about it at Wiseman's birthday party (and he eventually left to go get some, which I should have joined him in doing) and then again it was brought up how I met some people up there one time cause that's where they met for the first time... I think. I dunno. Whatever, it's like a tradition this couple. Anyway, Mike asked me if it was nearby. I said I only really know where the one on 4th avenue is exactly and that all i know is there's another one in the LES but I was not sure where. He looked it up on google maps on his phone and we discovered it was literally around the corner from where we were. We got some good food, ate in the car, headed west. Pissed and had a drink at the Slaughtered Lamb (haven't been in there in ages). It was crowded and there was this not that good looking waitress with her asshole basically hanging out of her shorts that I couldn't stop staring at. There was also a bartender with her tits falling out that I could not stop staring at whenever she was in my line of vision. After that, we got fat some more on Joe's pizza. Some guy saw me dumping garlic powder all over my slices and goes "Jesus, man!" I looked at him and go "what? I fucking like garlic. At least you know I'm not a vampire," and then left to head back to the car with Mike. Speaking of garlic and being anti-vampires, there was this guy walking down Rivington St that decided to show he was anti-twilight with a garlic bandoleer:



So fucking random.

But yea, that was the gist of last night. Throw in me and Mike listening to Initium a bunch of times on ye olde cassette tape and that's basically last night in a nutshell. Well, that and Mike playing Transformers soundboards off his cell phone, him switching it up between meowing at people while wearing my "cat-head" mask and yelling GI Joe/Cobra related nonsense while wearing my Cobra Commander helmet that I had both of in my back seat as I drove to the FDR to go home.

Oh yea, and if anyone used to save my old blogs (anything written/posted before January 24th, 2009) please lemme know. I wanna compile my old ones together and go through them, but I don't have them saved anywhere. I know some of you weirdos used to save them cause some of you told me you saved them. Well, here I am calling you out for having em and me wanting em. So lemme know. I rarely if ever go on myspace anymore and wanna transfer all my old blogs elsewhere(in fact, the only reason I went on this last time was to post something similar to this request on there in a bulletin that will go unnoticed since everyone is head over heels for facebook these days).

Oh yea... and the amount of half naked vagina that was strutting around the LES last night? OH MY FREAKING GOD! So much. So hot. I think I got herpes just looking at them. At one point me and Mike saw what I refered to as the "hoochie fa hoochie parade". Christ. I gotta start hanging out down there on weekends again. I haven't really hung out a lot down there since I was like 21 or 22.