Anyway, to quote Aker once again, "Ramy + Tequila = Ratings." I'm also learning that equation also equals foggy memory of what I even did as I wake up. I had to jog my memory for about an hour to try and remember what I did... Twitter helps too.
My day started out with me taking the train as usual into Manhattan to meet up for what Dan said was going to be epic (or something along those lines). I took the train in an hour earlier than usual because I figured I better get my drink on a bit earlier if I was gonna try and catch the last train back to my neck of the woods. I refereed to this as day light savings for alcoholism.
On the train, I sat down and notice the 2 guys across from me were looking out of place. One, a mid to late 60's, white hair, thick glasses with matching mustache. The other, a buzzed haired overweight son-like figure to the older guy. Both were drinking a 6 pack of Sam Adams Summer ale. Besides the out of place look of the two of them, they were wearing green. The son was wearing one of those ugly green Yankees shirts with a shamrock on it, it said Jeter on the back to make it even more fruity and weird. This felt like a fucking flashback of me and Scott getting on the train back 2 months for St Patrick's day.
I know words couldn't do justice, so I snapped a quick photo of the son while they weren't paying attention to my direction for a second:
After waiting at Secaucus for the damn transfer train to take me to Penn Station and begin my slaying of drunken crowds, the train FINALLY came, I criss crossed with subways and walked a few blocks. Ended up meeting Romil up at Calico Jack's for lack of a better idea. (bad idea to go to a mexican themed bar on a day of a mexican themed drinking excuse). Well, being that we got there so early, it wasn't so bad in the beginning. 3 dollar margaritas sound like a good, cheap, idea, but in hindsight, not so much. After 2 I started getting a stomach ache and had a strong feeling that if I kept it up with them I'd end up getting into a fight (possibly with myself). This is where we met Dina. The shot girl. Generic, decent looking skank who is trying to push her shots on you. I see right through that shit. I told Romil she's a snake and not to get a drink from her. 3 times in less than 2 minutes she must've came up to us and bugged the shit out of us to get drinks. I basically told her repeatedly to fuck off and bother someone else who is too drunk to know any better. Around this time is when it became so over crowded that you couldn't even move. After realizing, this is what the bar looked liked:
We had to get a table. Apparently getting a table meant you had to order food, which we didn't really have any qualms with until we got the check. We ordered jalapeno poppers and vegetable nachos. after we finished the first beers we had while eating, and wondering where our waitress was to order more, Romil called over that annoying shot girl and ordered 2 shots of tequila to pass the time while we wait for the waitress. First of all, she told us shots were like 2 dollars. Then she convinced Romil to buy her a shot. Mistakes 1 and 2 were made right there, especially with the way the shot girls are whore pieces of shit there that'll do anything to swindle you out of more money. OH, but here's the kicker of swindling us. So, after we realize she gave us fucking sugary peach schnapps and NOT tequila like we asked, she goes "no, it's tequila. it's flavored." I said that we weren't retarded and knew what tequila and peach schnapps taste like, and that was definitely peach schnapps. She apologized... THEN, Romil paid, she said to us "um, I need 6 more dollars." Romil, confused, asked, "um, why?" She then went on to go "oh, I made a mistake, the jello shots are 2 dollars, these are 4." I go "excuse me?" Romil looked at me cause he was out of singles, so I paid her and didn't even look at her, like a whore who just got finished doing her job. I could tell she sat there for a second waiting for a tip but I just went right back to eating and ignored her til she finally left us alone.
We ordered drinks, but it went from fun playful drinking to angry, I wanna strangle that thieving whore kinda drinking. Romil ordered two large shots of tequila, a corona for him and a stella for me (cause I fucking loath corona, and basically any mexican beer except for modelo).
Things that went on while we were finishing our beers. The Corona Girls showed up. They weren't that good looking, but this one that gave Romil a little mexican poncho to put on his bottle. Did I mention the one who did this had tit's the size of Romil's head. I was trying not to laugh/stare, but i couldn't help. She leaned forward and they each sized up to his head. Here's the only shot i could snap of her, cause Scott demanded a picture when I told him:
Other than that, there was some really ugly kid working there walking around with a sombrero and poncho. I couldn't get a good shot of him, cause he obviously was trying to avoid me taking a picture of him... the photo doesn't do justice cause you can't see these nasty boil-like zits he had:
Anyway, we finished our food, our table was cleaned up by this Aussie that I kept calling Steve Irwin and I didn't even know he was an aussie until he opened his mouth and we heard his retarded aussie accent (sorry, I didn't take a picture of him). But yea, we left to meet up Dan where he told us to meet him originally. As we were forging our way through the brush of alcoholics, the shot girl smiled at Romil and said thanks. I on the other hand was fighting the blind and drunken rage to shove her and make her spill all her drinks. I was going to shove her or elbow her. Instead, I did a win-win shove of me thrusting my crotch into her ass as I left (both wins were obviously for me). On the walk out we were bullshitting about how I was right to not deal with the shot girls in that bar (last time we were in there i basically shot down the shot girl so bad that the bartender enjoyed watching and bought us free drinks, which turned into us getting so drunk we got kicked out). Just for laughs, here's a picture of a building being built that Romil pointed out. If you don't think this looks like a fucking set of cock and balls, your mind isn't as dirty as mine:
(and thus concludes the photo portion of this blog, mainly because I was too drunk and busy being a fool... and it was fucking crowded everywhere).
When we finally made it to the place we were to meet Dan, we realized there wasn't even a line forming down the street like the last bar, but that the patrons were just pouring out into the street cause it was so over crowded. We said fuck it and decided to meet up Dan elsewhere. We decided on TJ Whitney's, basically because they usually have 2 for one deals during happy hour. Only deals they seemed to have were over crowded walk room and 4 dollars for mexican beers. Another lesson was that all you need to crowd your bar on that day is either be a mexican themed bar, OR in TJ Whitney's case, just drape a corona banner across your marque and drunks will flourish. I took some girl's drink that was undrank and left unattended. She said it was ok, I wasn't a complete scumbag as usual this time.
Dan finally met us up. we Drank another round, and wandered off to Sutton Place. Sutton Place sucked, and the roof was overpriced as always so we didn't even order a drink and left. We went to Opal. It smelled in there. The main part smelt, like i said in a twitter update, redbull, mexican farts and depression. The back room smelt like sweaty arabs, BAD. The bar was full of drunk messes. For a while, I couldn't turn my eyes away from the train wreck which was these two drunk, girls with guts, dancing. But anyway, we finally found some open seats at the bar, so me and Dan sat down, and then began quoting lines from Glengarry Glen Ross because he made reference to the seats being "prime real estate" (I guess you had to see the movie to know what the fuck I'm talking about right here, I guess you can see the main scene we kept quoting right here). While sitting there, we watched the Yankees suck it up and kept talking with these two crazy black guys. One was hilarious saying how he liked one player because he seemed like the kinda guy who would do blow with you or even join in on a gang bang and not tell your wife the next day. Haaa. Besides sitting around to listen to these two loons rant about insane shit, the fact that it was buy one get one free on drinks was good. I had no one to share my drinks with, so while dan and Romil went back and forth buying a round for the two of them, I was double fisting gin and tonics.
After the deal on bogo drinks (ugh, I hate that term "bogo" but am too lazy) we left, to walk in the rain back to sutton place to clear our minds and set a new goal on what to do/where to go. Dan and Romil got beers and I got another gin and tonic... a gin and tonic I had to chug as fast as possible cause as soon as we ordered them Dan was like "ok, lets leave here and go elsewhere."
I am pretty sure the taxi driver dealing with us was not pleased. The fact he was wearing a turban and kept correcting Dan's pronunciation of Indian words/names are what I'm going on here. Why? Because Dan kept yelling Slumdog Millionaire references the whole time in the car. That and he was laughing his ass off so hard and basically banging his fists against the protective window between the driver and passengers whenever Romil would make Bill Duke references repeatedly throughout the car ride to our final destination.
What was our final destination? This all asian bar Romil and I met Dan and some of his co-workers at a few weeks back (I probably mentioned it a while ago in one of my older blogs). I think it was called Tornado Bar, or at least that's what we call it. We walk in apparently one of us ordered a round of skittle shots. It was basically a shot of flavored vodka depending on what color skittle your got dropped into the bottom of your shot glass, which you then had to drop into a glass of red bull. The girl asked "doesn't it taste like a skittle?" My response, "Yea, cause a fucking skittle just dropped into my mouth that I'm chewing on now." She kinda had this look of being upset. Odd thing though about that bar last night was that instead of the usual all asian clientele and patrons, it was us 3, some white guy from minesota trying to find a job in NY (yea, drinking by yourself in a bar in a highly asian demographic area is how you find a job). The bartenders were some white girl from wisconsin and some russian girl straight from siberia. The minesota guy kept trying to bond with both girls using his 'we come from cold climate areas' as a hit off point. This is where the evening is blur-tastic. I recall the guy trying to tell me he went to high school with some of the guys from Atmosphere (I guess he meant when they were Urban Atmosphere cause there was more than 2 guys back then... like 3 guys). I was way to out of it to pick his brain and call him out on that though.I recall talking with some girl about God knows what. Come to think of it, I can't recall what any girl looked like that I talked to last night. I think one of them had blond hair, but that's all I remember, that and I think she said I was funny. Eh, whatever.
I recall being dragged by Dan out of the subway to take a cab, which didn't make sense cause I needed to walk a few blocks to Penn from where we were. Then I recall it REALLY POURING HARDCORE as I ran down the streets of manhattan to get into Penn Station. I missed one train and ran from one side to the other to catch the last train to Secaucus Junction before the last train home headed outta there. Weird was, I walk in and the dad and son from earlier in the day were sitting there. I shake my head and go "i can't fucking believe this." I kept getting stares as I was out of breath and sopping wet with rain water. I recall kinda nodding off on the train listening to my ipod.
I staggered off the the train, walked home in the rain and immediately stripped down to my boxers to throw my jacket and clothes in the dryer before I passed out in my bed, only to wake up this morning and ask myself "why did I drink so much?"
All in all, it was kinda lackluster and I apologize that this first real blog on this website sucks... and it's fucking long, Jesus.
EDIT: How the fuck could I forget about what happened on the last part of the night before I got off the train? Ok, so, I sit down, minding my own business. I accidentally spit on this guy sitting across from me. I just shrugged and said "i seriously did not to mean spit on you." For some reason he then goes off about how he is related to this guy and that guy on some reality television shows. I mentioned to him that I don't watch reality tv but that didn't stop him from telling me his life story of how his friends think he could be on a reality tv show and bla bla bla, then he goes on telling me how he's french and a cook. Once again, i don't care. Telling me his stories of this and that, this and that. He finally gets off the car and says good bye. Then some guy Kurt ("K-U-R-T, like Kurt Cobain," is how he told me his name) comes and gives me his number. Why is it I men give me their numbers more often than women? The hell? I cannot stress this enough that I am not gay. Sorry, NO.
And without further adieu, I say good day sirs and madams, til next drunken escapade.
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