As you can see, he's a giant mongo. I came home from work yesterday to let him out so he could piss and shit. I didn't know his regiment, nor did I know any magic words to whisper sweet nothings of to get him to do #2. (I was then informed he only does it once or twice a day... he didn't do any this morning, so I better not come home to a nice monument waiting for me when I go to take him out after work today). But yea, yesterday turned into he and I just blankly staring at each other after i gave up trying to get him to do anything. Then I went inside with him. This turned into a royal rumble of the ages. See, Sarah doesn't like him sitting on the furniture. What does he automatically do? Test to see if I'll let him lay on things. This turned into a half an hour brawl of me fighting to drag him off the bed. Then when I thought I could lay down and watch tv, I figured he was up to no good. He found a spot on a couch not covered in any form of spikey mat (yea, I dont know what the technical term is for one of those things, but it's a spiked plastic mat of sorts that you put on things so animals don't want to go on them because they'd then get spiked.... I on the other hand have once gotten so drunk I fell asleep on the couch while it was still covered in one of these things and didn't mind or care).
Anyway, so after a while of laying there after work, in a half dead state, i decided to go meet up Kyle for dinner and drinks. I walked pete (read that as I had him run around the yard and piss a lot) then caged him for the night in his "house" or whatever it is Sarah calls it.
I got down to Brooklyn eventually and met Kyle up for some pretty damn fine sushi. I can't remember where, but it was on or right off of Nassau Ave. I ordered the vegitable sushi special. There was like 6 regular sushi rolls of avecado or cucumber (or maybe both) and then there was this shit that was like cubes of rice with rather large slices of vegitables placed atop the rice and then wrapped together with seaweed. The tofu ones were fucking great... and I'm making myself hungrier than I already am (I didn't eat lunch and have been sitting here debating on weather to just go across the street and order a veggie burger or sit here and rot and eventually try and make something out of the disgusting shit in the office kitchen. Or, then there's option 3 which is grab something small to hold me over when I go to my mother's to pick up some clothes and then go to the mall after I walk pete and FUCKING DESTROY (and by that, I mean just order ridiculous amounts of food and get fat).
But, I digressed somewhere in that rant, while walking back to Kyle's apartment, we noticed puddle after puddle of puke. If you follow me on twitter (God, I feel like a hump for saying that), you'd realize I also mentioned that this was discovered well before the clock even struck 10pm.
Fast forward to us going out. We hit this one bar right around the corner from him. We drank tecate and shots of jameson. I think it was 12 bucks each for the beer and the shot. Not bad. Then after 2 rounds and realizing it was kinda difficult to hit on any of the girls in there due to them being alone and us knowing we'd come off as creeps if we were to just walk over and, well, look creepy no matter what trying to hit on them.
We then left for this place called Pool or something like that. This is the bar, where last Saturday I mentioned I saw a gay Irish pirate, Hunter S Thompson and a caveman. Last night was more of that bizarre wackiness. Last night, I saw a girl dressed as the Hamburgler (ok, she wasn't in costume. It was just that her clothes were so hideous and the pattern of her dress/shirt/whatever the hell you call that shit she was wearing matched that of an old prison inmate's and her hat was just big and obnoxious like the Hamburgler's). The other bizarre getup was the guy I refered to as a walking cut open watermelon. I say this because he was wearing this fucking pinkish red tanktop with black poka dots about it. Yea... looked kinda like a watermelon slice. His pants and jacket were redic too. I recall his jacket that he tied around his waist resembling a light blue version of the jacket Mickey Rourke as the Ram picks out for his daughter in that thrift store scene. You know, the hideous one that he realizes was not a good choice and tells the daughter it wasn't her real gift? Eh, you didn't see that movie? You suck.
Anyway, we somehow hit it off with 2 girls cause while they were near us, they asked some guy to take a picture of the two of them together at the bar. The guy then apparently said no and that he'd do it if he could take a picture with one of the girls. The one he asked said no, and he stormed off like a baby. Kyle kinda butted in asking what that was all about and then it took off from there for a short while. I really can't recall any of the conversation held between any of us other than a snide remark here or there from yours truely.
Eventually, I had to piss, BAD. Of course, this is me we're talking about so with my luck, it goes without saying that I imagine there's been shorter lines during the great depression than there was for the line to the bathroom last night. By the time I was on deck to piss, I was sure I was just gonna pee my pants. As a girl is leaving one of the bathroom, mini rooms, I just bust in seconds after she opens the door. As I'm grabbing my belt and fly to rip off and open, I look down and see the toilet seat is down.. and covered in piss. I turn around and look at the girl as I'm closing the door behind me with a face of confusion and disgust. I then slam the door shut as I'm beginning to piss. Ecstacy to say the least. To paraphrase Justin from Most Precious Blood, taking a piss that you held in too long is apparently like taking a really good shot of herion. I was heroin chic in that fucking stall. While pissing I found some interesting writings on the wall (ok, only one was interesting, the rest were just stupid tags and "pissed here" scribbled under it, and so forth). But yea, I started laughing as I was pissing at this one:
I dunno why, but the term "transexual dinosaurs" really gets me to laugh.
Anyway, I came back and Kyle went off to get some beers and so did the girls I suppose, or maybe they went to piss? Who knows. All I know is as Kyle went inside to the bar as it began to drizzle. Ironically, I said something to the extent of "i've made girls cry more than this rain." I light a cigarette and then it started raining heavier (my luck). A lot of people ran inside and I just sat there with my hoodie up. Kyle came back, but the girls never did. Figures. We drank a little more. Kyle bumped into the big baby who stormed off earlier about not being able to take a picture with one of the girls. He kept bumping into Kyle like an asshole and Kyle just kept shoving him til he went away. Eventually we left and went to this place called Matchless.
Matchless was pretty cool place. We ate amazing onion rings that tasted like french fries as we sat there drinking beer and listening to late 80s metal songs. Good times. Nothing like getting your drink on to Slayer and Pantera. I would have prefered for some girl to get up on the bar and be a slut as Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" came on, but that isn't gonna happen any more ever since Tiffany stopped working at Hudson's (and Hudson's being closed down doesn't help much in that effect either).
Eventually Kyle and I left to head home. We split when we got to his street. Me going to Sarah's car I have been using since she's not home (don't worry, she knows I am using it while she's gone) and Kyle went off in the opposite direction to his place. As I was walking back to the car I noticed this jacked up Ford F-150 had its motor running. As I was walking up on it I didn't see anyone in it. I dunno why, maybe my devient behavior tempting myself to jack the truck or something, but I looked in and see a half naked q-ball headed not so built dude ontop of some girl getting all hot and heavy. I can't even describe the girl to you because the guy's mass was covering her to my angle of vision. That and I didn't look for more than a few seconds out of disgust.
I jumped into the car and headed back to Sarah's. When I finally got there I went to take Mr. Pete out for one last run and piss. He didn't wanna go outside cause of the drizzle and I had to drag him outside cause I was not gonna let him stay in the whole night and wake up to the smell of urine. After dragging him outside and getting him to piss, I let him back inside. I went to change into something to sleep and brush my teeth. As I go back into the room, I hopped into bed to lay down and see what was on tv (apparently nothing is on when you only have basic channels like 2, 4, 5, 7, 11, etc). I figured I'd watch a movie and let the dog have some free time out of his cage before I put him back into his cage to sleep. I was about to go pop a dvd in that I brought with me when Pete comes charging me and belly flops onto me on the bed. Round 2 of wrestling him off furniture commenced. It was a lot harder with booze and exhaustion in my system. Ok, mainly the exhaustion part made it difficult. I basically had to pick him up and carry him to his cage and shut him in. I then watched the end half of role models (basically cause every time I try watching that movie, I never get to catch the end... and I fucking bought it on dvd because of this problem).
I ended up passing out eventually and waking up to my alarms I forgot I set for the crack of dawn to walk the dog, feed him and then another to get ready for work today. Tonight is just gonna be LA-ZY. I intend on getting clothes from my mom's for work, going to walk Pete, putting this frontline medicine on him that Sarah wanted me to put on him today, maybe laying there for a moment hating how I tortue myself with no sleep, and then go out to the Palisades to get dinner and see if Best Buy has the re-release of Type O Negative's Bloody Kisses album with all that bonus material and see if there's dvds or blu ray disk on that I might want. Then probably wandering off to FYE when I dont find anything and realize FYE is the biggest rip off, storm off, and realize there's nothing else really I want in that mall. Maybe I'll go to the Taget there to laugh at white trash and buy toys cause I am an over grown child.
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