And, enough booze to kill a room full of livers:
Shit like "DAS BOOT" drinking competitions happened:
Chris took it like a champ (then again, it is his boot, so i'm sure he knows how to chug from it like a champ).
The day went on like this. I didn't eat all day. Just drank. Well, I had some potato chips and around 2am when everyone but Brian and Dimitri were gone, I had a vegan corn dog. I passed out on Loki's couch. was awoken at 10am to Loki telling me to wake up and that he'd take me home. I fucking forgot my veggie burgers and corn dogs there. This is the second time I left all my food at his house. But, whatever. I came home and slept til close to 2pm, or whenever Scott rolled up to my apartment. We watched stupid shit on newgrounds.com til we had to leave for the train. We got down to the city and kept seeing WEIRD SHIT/PEOPLE. This ghetto ass couple was arguing over lord knows what and we kept laughing at them. The dude's reply to the woman was repeatedly singing "the freaks come out at niiiight."Then leaving that scenario, two older women just kept hysterically laughing their asses off. This went on for almost 2 blocks before we got onto the N train to Union Square. While waiting to meet up Kyle outside that zoo of a McDonalds, there we found the unibomber. Unfortunately, I think he realized me and Scott were laughing our asses off at his ridiculous getup (look at those haggard pants) and he wouldn't turn back around to face us, so this is all I could come up with of a picture of him:
We ended up eating at Heartland Brewery. I had this crazy good salad/veggie thingie. It was like 2 patties of falafel with a salad, beans, peas, and this kicking hot sauce dressing. We eventually left and went straight to down the hatch because the band Kyle wanted to see playing a free show in Union Square never happened and Dan kept texting calling us assholes for making him sit there by himself for like an hour or two to drink by himself and be bitter.
The night got interesting. The two females that worked the bar last night had tits the size of ethiopia. beer flowed like wine. I ended up staggering around the bar wearing a tiara that read "bitch" across the top (which I snagged from Arielle's friend who was also celebrating her birthday last night), picture below:
Yea, that was quite the conversation piece. Well, the more sane one. I don't think people would've liked it if I just whipped out big ol' Mr Knish and started waving it at people. These 3 girls sat down next to us at one point. Dan decided to ask all of us which of the 3 we'd fuck, and to point em out. One of the 3 girls came over finally and asked "may I ask why you are all pointing at us?" Dan goes "well, we're deciding on which of the 3 of you we'd fuck if we had to." I never seen a girl more disgusted in such a short period of time as this girl. Her face went sour, and she scooted far away from us quickly. This turned into her telling her other 2 friends getting up and leaving, or at least moving farther away from us. Another 3 girls sat down in their place. These 3 seemed cooler. What's funny is some guy who looked like Will.I.Am and his marine friend came up to the girls and something happened or was said, cause next thing I know, the small asian one is getting up, standing on the bench at the table, screaming and trying to throw fists at the guy. It kept getting more and more heated to the point where her friends were dragging her back down to stop. This went on for a while. When it was over, Me, Dan, Kyle, Scott and Jose all raised our beer mugs in the air at the girl and cheered her. The remainder of the time we shared a table with them was spent saying how the small asian girl's craziness was a turn on and how we wanted to motor boat the hot one in the white shirt with the tits.
Eventually, I ran into Arielle and her friend. The two of them and the rest of their party all huddled around the table we were at. Debauchery was in full swing at this point. (that's how I got the "bitch" tiara). The rest of the night was just heavy drinking. We left for Off the Wagon, thinking we were gonna meet up Arielle and her friends there after we all left Down the Hatch. They ended up going to Karaoke and we just got drunk and eventually left. But, not before Kyle threw shot glasses, Scott kept cursing at some girl calling her fat and calling some navy dude a douche bag repeatedly, while I kept screaming "ELLEN DEGENERES" at some other girl. We left. Dan was MIA (all I have as an idea of where he went off to was a text proclaiming "YATAGAN!!!" and the fact he kept saying how he wanted a gyro from there throughout the entire night). Me, Scott, Jose and Kyle went to Joe's pizza. This turned into a psudo battle royal. Kyle throwing garbage bags, Scott tackling us into the street, all of us kicking shit... etc.
We got to Joe's pizza and ordered a pie for me and Scott and a sausage slice for Kyle. This turned into a big messy ordeal cause Scott was too drunk to get money out of the ATM and I had to pay for everything. odd looks were given as Scott and I wolfed down an entire pie on the A train to Penn station.
When we got to Penn we first were harassed by a bum who kept following us around as we looked for a train to Secaucus. Scott kept cursing her out and telling her "STOP FOLLOWING US! WE DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING MONEY FOR US!" She ended up finding us again after I deliberately walked around to ignore her and kept telling us how mean we were. My response "yea, that's fucking great, go away." Eventually we found a train to Secaucus... that would be the last train we took til 9:05 the next morning. Why? We missed the transfer in Secaucus to my house. First, we walked around while I smoked a Dominican cigar Scott bought for Romil when he was on his cruise last week with Sarah. Photo below:
Next, we sat there for God knows how long running through the scenarios we could have went through to in order to get back to my house. Eventually, we opted the best idea would be to try and catch the first train out of that hell hole and just sleep til then. Well, a bathroom break was involved around this time too where Scott drunkenly drop kicked the stall door open as I was doing my business and I just sat there laughing my ass off at the fact he seriously just kicked the door to the point where the lock busted open and he ran out laughing his ass off. We then gathered our thoughts and figured that since we thought the first train in our direction would be ending in Suffern (a town not too far away from my house) that a train to my house would follow suit shortly after. This is what happened. We both rolled up into balls and slept on this bench:
This went on until Scott and I kept having kicking matches in our sleep for dominance over the bench. Apparently sometime shortly after being stared at by janitors and what have you, and I'm sure me kicking repeatedly for more space on the bench, Scott got up, went across the train station and slept on the floor across the room from me. This was short lived because a cop and the guy running the floor at that time hovered over Scott until he woke up. Apparently the cop asked him "what the hell are you doing?" and Scott replied with something like "waiting." The cop asked back "waiting for what?" He said "my friend," and the cop then pointed me out on the bench and asked if I was his friend, the one passed out face first on the bench. He then waved me over and I got over, excuse me, STAGGERED over, and then talked to the cop about our situation and how we missed the last train. he then asked where we were headed and I was then informed that the next train out wouldn't be til 9:05am and that we couldn't sleep in the train station, but would have to go outside to the platform and wait, but couldn't sleep. What did we do? We found a room with benches on the platform, rolled up into balls, and continued to try and sleep til 9am... waking up every few minutes cursing our horrible luck and lack of sleep we were having:
The weird stares I kept waking up to. People going "are they homeless?" We sure came off as such with pizza sauce stains all over our shirts and the fact we smelt like rot and disease. Eventually, we woke up 20 minutes before the train came, went to the bathroom, and cursed everyone as they were going to work and we were still just trying to find a way home from the bars the night prior. In the bathroom, waiting for Scott to finish taking the worlds longest piss, I realized what the no smoking laws actually read:
legally, you are considered a "petty disorderly person." Haa.
Anyway, back to the bullshit which is Scott and I's life. We got on the train. The conductor just stared at our tickets. I figured he was gonna tell us we needed to pay more for a on-peak ticket (we had off peak tickets that we planned on using at the last train home).. But yea, the dude tells us "you do realize that this train is an express train, right?" I asked "does that mean I'll get home faster? He told me the train skips my stop, as well as a few other ones near my stop. They told us to get off the train in River Edge and bus it back home. Easy enough, no? The first bus we tried to catch waited there til we got to the door after running after it and the fucking cunt shut the door in my face as I got to it. I then began to just curse as we sat there feeling like shit at the bus stop waiting for another one. I kept cursing how I didn't wanna be on a bus full of nothing but schnooks and degenerates. Oh lord were they the worst kind of people. Nasty, falling all on themselves, just horrible. We got off at the train station in town and walked til we got to my house. Then we just died a little more inside sitting in my kitchen trying to recuperate and try to remember where the night went wrong.
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