Oh, Yetti Feet (and Other Tales of Wonderment)

So, as of last night I no longer have upstairs neighbors with the feet of a yeti. No more waking up to loud stomping noises throughout the night (or day for that matter). No more waking up to screams of the boyfriend yelling "You wake me up to punch me in the face? Why do I deserve this?" No more little bastard child running around and screaming. No more sitting there in my room and having to listen to gratuitous sex not caused by me (my ceiling apparently doesn't muffle sounds... hence why I watch movies really loud to retaliate since I don't have hookers on hand to out match them in whore moanings)... and so forth with the no more of this or that. Apparently, from what I gather, the new upstairs neighbor is a single mid to late 20s girl who isn't into "that whole scene anymore" when it comes to raging parties (leading to believe that she's an ex-whore trying to move away from her past or is a fat ugly bitch who no one would wanna party with anyway... or the fat ugly bitch who would get trains run on at frat parties which ended in sexcipades of guys busting out of closets laughing at her while one drunk did her). I'm hoping for the first of my 3 situations it might be. Then my twitter account might turn into something more in lieu of Adam Bravin's twitter account.

This blog would be more stock full of chicanery from last night, but last night was kinda lack luster. Hell, my nights out have been kinda lack luster lately. I'm on a dry spell of assholeiness and dickery.... wait... that sounds a little fruity if taken out of context. Anyway, yea. It's way too easy to make fun of douche bags wearing affliction t-shirts and ed hardy clothing. (i mean, for starters, the fucking company is called fucking affliction and the people you see at bars wearing that shit basically are an affliction unto society). I will say however that Mike and Mel showed up to meet us up for a little bit and that they came back with a silk tie for me. BUT, not just any tie, a fucking MISFITS tie. They got it at some modern art museum out there's gift shop. I'm shocked and appalled that NYC's modern art museum doesn't have shit like this... or maybe it does. I should ask my sister since she works there... I think?

But yes, let it be known I should never think long islands are a good idea anymore. Not only did I not get a lot of sleep due to waking up every hour or so to a train passing by (I passed out on Sarah's couch last night, trains come by often), but I have been dehydrated and hung over for most of the day. All I've wanted to do all day is eat, sleep and possibly blow a load or two. I got one of those 3 down so far... unfortunately it's neither sleeping or blowing of loads. My evening is looking to be like I wont be getting any sleep and tomorrow will be a repeat of today's agonies given to me. Well, I guess I could sleep under my desk for a little bit, but everyone IS FUCKING ANNOYING today. For instance, this one woman kept calling me. Like 5 TO 6 TIMES! THEN, she comes into the office to ask me the same fucking questions she kept asking over and over on the phone. Not enough, maybe 4 minutes after she left, she comes back and asks me a million other questions while I'm sitting here wanting to kill myself. I could write a whole... I dunno, entertainment thing like a movie, standup routine, cartoon or book on how retarded some people are (read that as how ALL people are). I also love how I tell people "you can't do bla bla bla" and they're like "well, can you just let me?" Yea, ok, I forgot your name is Michael Jackson and you wrote fucking Thriller, right? WELL THEN, FUCK YEA! GO RIGHT ON FUCKING AHEAD YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD CAUSE RULES DON'T APPLY TO YOU (except for that whole child touching thing, come on man. What's wrong with you?). But yea, seriously. I need to find a new job, or some other way of income that doesn't involve me putting out to grotesque and obease women for cash. I believe that would be up there with "things my mother is ashamed of me for and lies to her friends about what I do for a living."

But yea, people are saying this week is supposed to be like a vacation for me. I don't know anyone who calls working 9 days in a row a vacation while having to go back and forth between two counties and checking up on a dog every other minute. I think I should stock up on movies or tv seasons on dvd to keep me well entertained this week so I don't fall asleep every night with a revolver in my mouth. Nevermind, I just saw a girl with a busted face and big british teeth. I think I'm gonna have to pull the trigger and shoot those nightmares out of my head now.

And yea, I dunno where I'm going with any of this. I think I came down with A.D.D. today. I keep zoning out. Well, that and being bombarded with fucking phone calls from more idiots. Seriously, these people need to be made fun of more... and those posters you see in a work environment such as equal pay, motivation and safety. Why isn't this subject matter in standups and comedic shows/movies? Have you seen these things? Have you actually stopped to read them? They were written and designed for the mentally retarded. and not just any kind of mental retardation, we're talking PROFOUND mental retardation. You know, fucking IQs of 20 or below.

But yea, lemme finish this thing up so I can go back to being a lazy bastard and hopefully not get another call from my boss asking if I will have this list of dates in time. Yea, all whopping 5 dates marked down on one list by monday. Real hard (lord I hope none of my co-workers ever read any of this shit. I'd be out on the street and penniless. That, or at the least have to sit through another scream fest aimed at my by my boss like another time I made some smart ass remark about work that got back to my boss from someone).

I'll leave you with this. My toe that I stubbed on thursday is discolored and itchy (attractive, no, ladies?), I will be in Westchester county during the day, rockland at night and Jersey when I realize I forgot to pack enough socks and/or underwear for where I'm staying for the next week. if anyone wants to meet up at the palisades mall or something in that area this week, give me a call. If you don't have my number, you suck.