Monday Dollar Beers

I haven't gotten that hungover as I was this morning in YEARS. It was one of those ones where you lay there in pain, you want nothing more than the cool side of the pillow and bed, but you can't find it, you want some kind of cold drink but the cup that's usually filled with water sitting next to your bed for just such occasions is beyond dry. You want nothing more than for this hangover to go away. Yea. I wished nothing but death's sweet embrace to make this thing go away.

Close to 9 o'clock last night, Scott came by and picked me up to go to the city for Janell's birthday. the entire ride down to the city, Eddie kept texting me to hurry my ass and get the going to meet em up. Scott and I agreed we'd see how bad we were feeling (both of us were pretty fucked up from Sunday night and were not feeling too hot) and then take it from there. Our plan was to leave and go home... then I mentioned we'd obviously need to make a stop off at Down the Hatch and see if the bartender with the enormous rack was working, THEN we'd see if we wanted to go home or not.

But yea, last night was quite the fucking cluster fuck of What the Fucks and how the's?

I dunno where to even start. I guess I'll start with the night beginning with Scott, Dave and I telling each other funny stories while trying to see if there was any hot girls in the bar (which there really wasn't ANYONE in the bar at that point, yet). Scott and Dave played a game of beer pong against Eddie and some other friend of his I never remember the name of (mainly cause the only interaction I've had with this kid is him laughing at my stupid antics). Anyway, around a few shots in of the game, this gestapo of a woman comes marching over with this shirt that looked like it was straight out of women's fashion circa 1980. You know, those blazers women would wear that were like a man's suit jacket, but spiffyfied to look feminine? Yea, THAT is basically what she had on. Kinda fit in with her giant, man-ish, attitude and look. Anyway, she comes over asking who is playing the next game. No one was really answering her. She was talking some pretty big game and it was fucking pathetic. Dave kept saying some shit to her and she was like "what's his name?" I go "who, Dave?" She goes "you're lying." I go, sure, ask him his name. So, she does. He replied back with saying his name was something like "Gerald" or something and we laughed at her as she goes to Scott and asks him the same question. He goes "Al, Al Dente." Oh my God, we laughed and laughed and she was like "Yea? well, we're gonna kick your fucking asses." Dave sinks a cup and goes "like that?" and then Scott followed up and sunk a cup and Dave goes "or, like that?" She said something like "yea... well, you suck and we're gonna win," and walked the fuck off cause she obviously got shut the fuck up, big time. And, I was just informed via text message from Scott that this girl was our age and was acting like she was some dumb 18 year old. Fucking wonderful.

This is the text I just got from Scott regarding his match against the man-girl and one of her blonde friends:

"Yea, we were playing them. I was cursing them out and making fun of them cause the blonde was being annoying and refusing to believe that we weren't playing the bounce rule. Then she wouldn't shut up about us being sore losers because of it and I started throwing the ball at her chest at 30mph."

After a while of this tall big bird looking blond girl hovering over me as I watched the game go down, I walked over to Janell and Lauren who were sitting at the bar and just chit-chatting. Around this time, I kept pounding down vodka-code blues that the bar has. Code Blue is like this "all natural" replenishment drink that is basically nothing but electrolytes and tastes like blue Powerade, which as you know, is nothing but food dye and shitty tasting Gatorade. i drank about 4 or 5 of them and that shit didn't help me this morning AT ALL, but, whatever. After a while I go outside and have a smoke and I see this blond girl and said something to her thinking she was this other blonde girl inside that was friends with the immature man-girl. Then I realized that it wasn't and we started talking outside, til her tall friend and the tall friend's boyfriend came and dragged her away from me.

I went back inside to order a drink and the girl came up behind me and kept poking me in the back with her elbow to get me to turn around. She ordered drinks like a fucking champ too. Not only that, but later on when Scott saw her, he goes "that is like the hottest girl I've seen in a while." Why in the fuck she was talking to me? I have no clue, but we'd have conversations throughout the night, and I'd think I kept blowing it, but she'd come back. Damn I was smooth last night. I also remember the semi-hot waitress talking with me a few times last night. I was on some kinda streak of awesomeness with the ladies and I don't even know how. It must've been they all heard me telling hilarious stories of buying toys and other childish shit in this day and age.

Another time I went outside this old thugish looking guy comes up to me and asks for a cigarette. Now, when I say thugish, I mean like he looks like he has a bunch of old prison tattoos and belongs/belonged to a biker gang. Voice like a ash tray. He and I were talking about bullshit with this girl outside and I was like "i'm gonna go off and leave you two alone. Then the guy asks me if I could buy him a beer. Guy had NO money. I'd keep walking away and he'd go and find me and ask for money. I was like "DUDE, it's DOLLAR beer night." At one point, he grabbed me out of my seat and dragged me into the bathroom. Eddie, Scott, Janell and Lauren all had this look on their faces of fear. I go "Yea, what the hell do you want?" He goes "dude, ya gotta lend me 5 bucks so I can close this deal with this girl." I throw 3 bucks at him and go "dude, this is all I have left. Take it and go." He didn't bug me the rest of the night but everyone else I was with was afraid this guy was gonna shank me or something in the bathroom. You gotta know though, when someone has a shitty tattoo on their face of a faded outline of a tear drop, they more than likely did get that for killing someone in prison, or at least fucked someone up big time, and I didn't wanna deal with that shit.

We stayed at the bar getting all kinds of retarded til it closed at 4am. After that, we all left together but Scott and I split from Eddie, Janell and Lauren when we decided to branch off and get pizza at Ben's on the corner of the block. First of all, this fucking disgusting flock of people swarmed in the place, being all loud and obnoxious. They took ALL the condiments and just brought it over to their table. This guy and I both went up to the table and were like "hey, um.. yea. How about you don't take all the condiments so other people can use em too?" Scott and I then sat in the corner of this place, eating and just muttering how disgusting these people were and that they were fucking animals, and how they should be taken out by a gun shot to the back of their heads.

We then took turns pissing all over this gate to an alleyway on the street Scott parked on, cursing out some bum to get away from us, and then driving home blasting some of the most flamboyant music ever, singing like jackasses the entire ride home.