Turning Lemons into Carbonium Nitrate

Yesterday went as such. Bored out of my mind all day at work. Came home, bored. Talked to Romil. He was bored all day too. We decided to head out to the bars to watch whatever games the bars had on at the time we got there. Loki texted me as I was getting ready and said he would meet us up in an hour.

Fucking traffic was disgusting. People were driving like they just got their licenses last night. 87 was nothing but pockets of traffic up til the GW Bridge. My favorite stupid situation was the one where the guy in front of me was driving like he was from Connecticut (CT drivers fucking slam on the breaks for no reason every few minutes. It is BEYOND annoying). He and I were in the center lane. I was trying to get around him when he slams the breaks and stops short, in the MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING HIGHWAY, and I was gonna swerve around him when i noticed the car to the left of him slammed on his breaks too. I had to slam hard on my breaks and pray I didn't slam into either car. Turns out, this car infront of the car to left slammed on the breaks and then began to cut across 3 lanes to try and hop on an off ramp that A) we fucking passed already and; B) was backed the fuck up for a good mile or so. I was gripping an empty Monster can I have had sitting in my cup holder for months now (why, I dunno. I figure if I ever need to throw something out of anger, it's there). Yea, I was planning on driving up next to this guy that almost caused and accident and nailing his car with the can, but he gunned it the moment he realized that there was a lot of cars behind him that he backed up with his little stunt.

Stupidity like this went on til I got to the exit I usually take to get on the service road leading to the 3rd Ave bridge. THAT was backed up. FDR wasn't too horrible, which is weird since that thing gets like a parking lot heading south on weekends. Finding parking was horrendous too. We met up in the east 50s. You got all these consulate parking only spots and their respective buildings taking up these streets. (You know, you'd think with all these bars around the United Nations, you'd see an embassador or some weird people from other contries coming into these places ONCE in a while. Then again, I imagine the consulates look nicer than any house I'm allowed to step foot in).

Anyway, I find this spot. I am SHOCKED that there's enough room for maybe 4 cars to line up at. Then I see these weird signs claiming that it's no parking from this hour to that hour and this and that. I then get to the part about saturday parking. 8am to midnight is when the meters run on that street. I had to pay something like 8 bucks to park on the fucking street so the meter wouldn't run out, and on top of that, the meter wouldn't go to midnight, it'd stop at 11:59pm. But whatever.

I met Romil up. We had a drink each, left the bar to scope out the new "pub" next to Sutton Place, realized it was rock bottom with blue neon lights, and then looked in Sutton Place and realized that was pretty weak, so we went back to Opal.

We drank for a bit, waited for Loki to park his car, which also took forever for him to find a spot, and sat around drinking and watching the Colts/Ravens game til that was done. All paid our seperate tabs (which was a shocker to us cause romil's tab and mine were the same, and he was the one ordering nothing but scotches aged 15 years or so where as I was getting well gin and tonics the entire time).

We then went to Sutton Place. I pissed and when I came back (dude, this story is all coming back to me as I type this, I had a bad case of amnesia when I woke up and typing is making it all come out. Spooky scary). Anyway, where was I? Oh yea, so I piss and come back and Loki has a giant glass of gin and tonic waiting for me. I mean like GIANT, or at least that's how my memory is perceiving it. Hell, in my mind, when I see gin and tonic, I imagine it as this bowling ball sized glowing goblet with little angels singing from the heavens. Anyway, a few sips in, and Romil and Loki saying how "it's that part of the night" cause i was saying random shit to people as they'd walk by, I hear someone come up to me and call me by my full, birth, name. I hear "MICHAEL!" I am like "who in the fuck calls me that?" (Loki even said something along the lines of; in all the years I've known you, i never heard anyone call you that so many times in one night). Yea, it was one of my cousin's. Her and her two friends were in the same bar as us. you know that was gonna be trouble. Well, ok, maybe YOU didn't, but I know her (obviously) and I knew trouble was a'brewin'.

we went upstairs to the middle floor bar (for those of you not in the know, Sutton Place is 3 levels of bars. A floor level, a mid level, and a rooftop level that is always a little more high priced than the other 2 levels). Up there... I had to piss again. When I came out, I see this mongoloid of a guy trying to hit on my cousin and her two friends. Dude was all hunched over them like his name was Igore. I went over to grab her and her friends for shots, so at least I could see what her friends were working with here, and tell my cousin "don't talk to that mongoloid." She goes "Oh my GOD, do you know him?" I go "no, I wouldn't want to know him, just fucking come here, grab your friends. We're doing shots." I asked what they wanna drink. Not one answer out of them. Me and Loki looked at each other with the look of realization we were gonna have to take control of this. All I heard was my cousin say "anything but tequila" and next thing i know me and Loki are telling the bartender to give up 5 shots of tequila and 2 of rumple minz (the 2 shots of the minz were for he and I, obviously, haa). All I heard was "blegh!" left and right from the girls as me, Romil and Loki all took our shots like they were that pink medicine we all got as a child (what the fuck was that again? tasted like bubblegum... made from fungus... dammit, what is that shit? I know I should know this simple answer but am too out of it to blurt out sciency words right now. Eh, fuck it, TJ will text me the answer after he reads up to here later, wont you TJ).

Um, yea. Where was I going with this damn thing. My side tracking is at an all time high with this blog today.

Oh yea, so that's where it all went to shit. It was soon discovered my cousin's friends were those kinda girls who don't look good but act like they should be treated as royalty and are better than you and shit. Had we not left them, we would have probably had a good time watching me belittle these skags my cousin calls her firends.

All else I remember is going to Premavera for their disgustingly over priced, nothing special, pizza. I remember Loki and I sitting there, doing the David Hasslehoff, having over our pizzas at the bench when you first walk in, grunting at each other with pizza in our mouths and pretending we're having a real conversation.

Then I wandered off and according to my texts from Romil around 2am, I went MIA.

I woke up this morning, and like I said to him and Loki in a text when I got to work (yes, after a long night of drinking, i come into the office on a sunday to open the fucking office and get shit done... FUCK, I just remembered I left a pile of crap to do in the back. Eh, it's on someone else's desk, maybe they'll think they have to do it). Oh yea, this is where I write what I texted them. I said something like I felt as if I was the dude from Momento and I was going on Reciepts and pieces of pizza scattered across my passenger seat as clues as to what the fuck happened last night. I seriously woke up with beernesia (yes, I just made that up. Definition: when you drink so much you forget who you are, what day it is, where you are and what you did last night... fuck, I'm putting that up on urban dictionary right now... fuck, it's in there already). Anyway, yea. pizza and reciepts. That's what I had to go by. And from what I can see. 40-something spent at opal, 50-something (on shots alone) at Sutton Place, 60 dollars taken from the ATM outside Premavera and what looks like cheese covered onion slices and what I imagine is oregano scattered across my passenger seat. Oh yes, I drove down my street throwing these pieces of pizza out my window into neighbors driveways and lawns.

And you think tonight is gonna be relaxed? NOPE. Apparently I'm meeting up Loki and Stathi for some football engergized boozing. If this is anything like last year when we'd go out every sunday after I got outta work, I am in for hell (and by hell, I mean just a saucy good time). We would meet up in Suffern, have a drink and watch the first quarter of a game, head out to some Jersey bar called Burbon Street where it was nothing but fat old men in football jerseys of their favorite teams yelling drunkenly at the massive amounts of tvs in that place, and then after the game head back to suffern where we'd just start off with mind erasers and I'd be seen LIT UP running around screaming drunken nonsense as we drank well into the morning (especially if Stathi was closing up the bar? FORGET IT! There's been times where he'd lock up and we wouldn't leave the place til 11am the next morning.)

So yea, although Stathi doesn't work at that bar in Suffern anymore, I am pretty sure tonight will still be ridiculous. (man, I miss those deep fried tortilla chips and home made salsa they had at that bar... I am such a fat ass).

And Monday? I dunno what the plan is monday, but I'm sure the first person to tell me they don't have work and wanna do some midday boozing, I am down for that.