Well, last night turned from not having any plans earlier in the day to going out to hang out with yet another friend whose girlfriend just left them. HORRAY! God, I love those situations. Seems everyone is getting broken up lately. The fuck is with this year so far? Anywho, Scott and I went to White Plains to meet up Justin. We went to this new place on Mamaroneck Ave called Ron Blacks. It's actually not bad. It's got that ski lodge bar feel to it. there's a fucking fire place burning in the middle of the bar too (I imagine come summer time that they don't have that fucker going, but still, it's a nice place for the winter so far). We only had one drink cause Justin didn't like that it wasn't too lively in there (i mean, we got there at like 9:45.. not everyone is out by that time) and also complained he didn't like some people in there as well as the fact the DJ was playing the Venga Boys for some fucking reason as I danced around like an asshole very briefly going "WOO! 1991! WOOO!" (and I just googled their single and found out that didn't come out til 1998... oh well, whatever, fucking Dutch).
We left and went across the street to discover that James Joyce is no more. That sucks. It was probably the only place I liked to go on that street when we'd go out to White Plains bars. Ok, well, Lazy Boy isn't that bad if you wanna sit down and eat (especially outside during the day in the summer) and that's where we ended up going. Maybe a drink in and Justin's now ex walks in with a bunch of people. He wanted to leave and I said we should stay and they can leave if they want (which they ended up doing shortly after).
Loki and Mary ended up meeting us up at Lazy Boy. Around this time I went outside for a smoke. This turned into me getting man handled by a very drunk black dude for an cigarette. His friend told him to go inside and he wanted to stay outside and keep smoking. The friend told me not to give him a cigarette and that's when it turned into one of those clouds of dust you see in cartoons when people fight. No, we didn't fight but yea, it was a drunken scuffle between the drunk guy basically reaching all around me for a smoke as his friend kept grabbing at him. Fucking random. This ended in his friend calling him a fag and the drunk ripping the filter off the cigarette and saying he was gonna smoke like "tonto" or some shit like that. As if that wasn't enough, I came back in to find Justin holding my glass of vodka soda and me going "what the hell are you doing?" He said he just wanted to taste it and that was all. That's when I started to notice a little color in a drink that should be clear. I took a sip and it too me a moment to figure out what these assholes put in my drink. At first I thought it was Justin's scotch. But no, that wouldn't be so spicy. Then I realized it was hot sauce and Scott said something about how since I love hot sauce so much I shouldn't have a problem. Then said it tastes like a spicey bloody mary which I followed up with saying I do not like bloody marys, so I ordered another one.
After maybe that last drink, we got the tab, fucking over 125 bucks including the tip, damn that bar. We then left and as Scott and Justin went to put money in their meters, Loki, Mary and I went into Black Bear. It, as usual, was a gauntlet of douche bags. I turned around to Loki as we made way to the back and told him that I instantly regretted my decision to go into that bar. I don't know why I go in there... oh yea, the tail. I decided we should go upstairs cause it's more relaxed. Granted, it's a hell of a lot smaller and the bar is just some dude with a few bottles of booze and 3 or 4 pitchers of "mixers" but whatever. My Vodka Soda tasted like Water Water the first round. Sir, that was NOT grey goose you poured for us (not that I would even go out of my way to order that shit). Anyway, Scott and Justin met us up eventually and it started getting a little more crowded. It turned into, what I said was, a speak easy for the mentally challenged. This gaggle of busted bitches came upstairs and that's when I noticed one girl in particular looked a little re-re-ish. it started with me saying she has a little paulsy in her face (paulsy as in cerebreal paulsy). Then it went around back and forth between, me, Loki, Scott and Mary making fun of her dumb face. Til Mary hit the nail on the head and said she looks like the Frankenstein monster. Around this same time she came over to the section of the bar we were sitting at (which was basically the entire bar since, like I said, it's so small upstairs). I don't remember how it started but we started talking, or more like, me just mocking up close and in person. She got a little mad and then gave me attitude to get out of her way when she was done ordering. She walked away and Mary started mockingly quoting what the girl just said to me which was followed by "can you move again?" and me turning around and seeing that sloped forehead just shinging in my face. I think this was around the time her and the mongo squad she walked in with tried playing beer pong on a broken table that collapsed, causing beer and water to go EVERY WHERE! Wait, yea, it was after cause as it happened, I left to go out back and smoke where these two lesbian girls were all over each other as they talked to some guy friend of theirs. I am pretty sure I have met one of these girls before too but didn't get the chance to talk to her and further prove her point that men are not her bag. Of course I'd go for the lesbian. I go for all the wrong choices. the crazy, the lesbian, the bartender that wants nothing to do with her customers, the good looking girl who wants a guy with a good job and nice car, the girl with two kids and a vast array of sniper rifles... I can go on forever.
But yea, bla bla bla. The kicker was that Scott was kinda just keeping to himself, drinking water at the end of the extremely small bar, since he wanted to make sure he was sober enough to drive our asses home (which if I recall correctly, entailed us laughing like idiots blasting Lady Gaga or something equally effeminate). Anyway, one of the goon-girls comes up to Scott as they're all gearing up to leave and tells him something along the lines of "you're too cute to be so quite" and his response was a sarcastic, psudo-disguested, "who is saying this, you, or HER?" and when he said "HER" pointed to Frankenstein. We laughed, she stormed off. Good times were had by all (read that as just us).
Eventually we all left and I sat up watching the last Tonight Show episode with Conan as the host eating peanuts til I passed the fuck out, then woke up this morning realizing I had work today. Ugh. I hate work so much. People need to pay me to entertain them or something. This is awful.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment