So, I got some more feedback today from people taking this creative writing class with me (see the last blog if you have no clue what I'm talking about). But yea, I didn't really feel the need to be even more self centered and report back more of things written to and about me, but the first response of today's few I got today made me go "HA!"
This guy wrote: "I'm not sure if you've ever read Charles Bukowski, but you write like you could be his son." If you've read the bio I wrote for myself on this blog, you'd understand why I found humor in this statement. He even quoted a good quote from Bukowski of "The nine-to-five is one of the greatest atrocities sprung upon mankind. You give your life away to a function that doesn't interest you. This situation so repelled me that I was driven to drink, starvation, and mad females, simply as an alternative." Damn fucking straight. This kid was also the only person to say basically fuck the classic story arch and was the only person NOT to tell me my "character" didn't change which he is apparently supposed to.
Another person wrote they didn't like the title, but suggested something less up front like "Supersize... NOT me." Eh, whatever.
The other two responses I got besides the two above mentioned weren't anything too WOW inspiring for me to comment in here.
Now, if you'll excuse me. I have to go back to being cocooned in my blanket, coughing my lungs up, listening to Nofx's mystic records era crap and watching "real wolfman" on history channel... dammit. It's over. Something on the abominable snowman. Eh, still good. Gotta love cryptozoology.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Regarding the Story in my Last Blog
So, I didn't get a chance to really sit down and read the responses written to me regarding the story cause Wednesday was such a rush of a mess.
But yea, here's how the day went down regarding going over the story. I walk into the room where my creative writing class is being held and the people already in the room all look up, grinning like idiots. One guy lets out a "THERE HE IS!" and they start clapping. I look around confused and go "um, what'd I do?" Turns out they were all saying how ridiculous my stories are that I submit to the class. As I'm getting myself comfortable in my seat, someone goes "this is a true story, right? It has to be." I go "um... perhaps." Then go "why do you ask?" One of the guys replied, "there is no way a story like this is so fluid without it being a true story." Anyway, so the class finally starts and we eventually get to the class debating my story. Most, if not all, of the class pretty much knew it was about me without me saying a word about it. One girl, however, butted in at one point going "I feel the story needed more fat girls hitting on the main character." Thoughts like "what are you, a chubby chaser?" and "one fat girl is more than enough" raced by. The teacher went on at one point to say that he feels the main character is possibly a little shy or insecure about himself and that's why he lashes out. At this point, I heard someone in the back of the room yell out "he sounds like a drunk asshole to me!" But whatever. Here are some of the funnier replies I got from people.
"Your story reminds me of 'Cacher in the Rye' a bit."
After going on about how I need more dialogue and description of my friends, one person wrote, "Definitely funny as hell.'
"You have a very sick mind, which is why I like your fiction so much." (Little does he know this wasn't fiction).
The same writer responded "I don't see many invitations from any women's or gay rights groups in the immediate future for you, but your fearless approach is commendable."
I was told I have a "sardonic voice".
"the story reads like a huge rant" was one of the notes I read while on the shitter.
From the notes of the girl who kept saying she wanted fat girls in the story: "I really REALLY wanted EVERYONE, EVERY CHICK, to be a chubby dumpling. (girl really wanted it to be like a speed dating for fatties it seems).
"Even drunk 'fat girls' can respond sometimes with the funniest a purposeful lines."
And that's about it for now. I am supposed to be given a few more responses by monday. That should be for some more laughs. (did i mention I was laughing my ass off almost the entire time they were talking about my story? It was cause I just thought the responses were so ridiculous at times).
But yea, here's how the day went down regarding going over the story. I walk into the room where my creative writing class is being held and the people already in the room all look up, grinning like idiots. One guy lets out a "THERE HE IS!" and they start clapping. I look around confused and go "um, what'd I do?" Turns out they were all saying how ridiculous my stories are that I submit to the class. As I'm getting myself comfortable in my seat, someone goes "this is a true story, right? It has to be." I go "um... perhaps." Then go "why do you ask?" One of the guys replied, "there is no way a story like this is so fluid without it being a true story." Anyway, so the class finally starts and we eventually get to the class debating my story. Most, if not all, of the class pretty much knew it was about me without me saying a word about it. One girl, however, butted in at one point going "I feel the story needed more fat girls hitting on the main character." Thoughts like "what are you, a chubby chaser?" and "one fat girl is more than enough" raced by. The teacher went on at one point to say that he feels the main character is possibly a little shy or insecure about himself and that's why he lashes out. At this point, I heard someone in the back of the room yell out "he sounds like a drunk asshole to me!" But whatever. Here are some of the funnier replies I got from people.
"Your story reminds me of 'Cacher in the Rye' a bit."
After going on about how I need more dialogue and description of my friends, one person wrote, "Definitely funny as hell.'
"You have a very sick mind, which is why I like your fiction so much." (Little does he know this wasn't fiction).
The same writer responded "I don't see many invitations from any women's or gay rights groups in the immediate future for you, but your fearless approach is commendable."
I was told I have a "sardonic voice".
"the story reads like a huge rant" was one of the notes I read while on the shitter.
From the notes of the girl who kept saying she wanted fat girls in the story: "I really REALLY wanted EVERYONE, EVERY CHICK, to be a chubby dumpling. (girl really wanted it to be like a speed dating for fatties it seems).
"Even drunk 'fat girls' can respond sometimes with the funniest a purposeful lines."
And that's about it for now. I am supposed to be given a few more responses by monday. That should be for some more laughs. (did i mention I was laughing my ass off almost the entire time they were talking about my story? It was cause I just thought the responses were so ridiculous at times).
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
The Latest Thing I Submitted to my Creative Writing Class, Etc
Ok, so my creative writing class asked that I submit a story today. I, being a completely lazy fuck who had many stories he could have written about that he wanted to write about but hasn't yet, decided that it's a lot easier to copy and paste a story that needs little to no editing to submit instead.I posted the original story on my myspace blog on Saturday, April 18th of this year, meaning the story took place that friday, the 17th of April. I had to make 20 copies of the story and pass out copies of it to the class today for them to read and then critique and give me their responses to by Wednesday afternoon. Scott was glancing at a copy of my story I printed up before I made more copies and he basically said people are gonna know there's something wrong with me. But whatever, I handed em out and as I was walking around handing out copies, I heard one guy in the class read aloud the title and then just mutter "jesus..." in a sorta shock/disbelief. I am gonna post the story below and then follow that up hopefully Wednesday before I go out for a little (and by little I mean a lot of) Thanksgiving eve drinking, or as Loki calls it, "amateur night". So yea, here's the story, read up on it so you'll know what to laugh at when I post the more comical of responses to this drunken rant:
Fat Girls Need Lovin’ Too… Just Not From Me
I got on the train yesterday. First thing the conductor says to me is, "where's the other one?" I look at him in all sorts of confusion and say "the other what?" he goes "your ticket. This is for a return trip from New York." I look at him and go "huh?" He goes "you bought a round trip. This is the return ticket." Still confused, I look at him and go "what the fuck are you talking about?" He puts the ticket in my face and goes "LOOK!" I look at it and tell him I only bought a one way to the city and had no idea as to why my ticket said I paid $11.25 for a round trip. He then starts talking down to me and basically talking to me like my IQ was equal to or less than 75. What transpired after was an argument between the conductor and I with such shit as him saying, "how can you not pay attention to what you're paying for?" and me going off on him saying how I paid attention. I fucking was staring right at the button as I pressed it, and that the reason I didn't have a receipt was because that goddamn stupid fucking machine hasn't spit out a receipt in the past month and a half that I had been using it. Then I also started mentioning how half the time the machine gets jammed up and you have to basically run across the street screaming as you drop kick the damn thing to get your ticket out. This went on for the duration of one stop on the train before he got fed up trying to get me to pay for another ticket (YEA, after all that he still tried getting me to pay and I was like "fuck THAT!"). He then punched enough holes in the card to make it look like Swiss cheese (yea, quite the CHEESY comment, no?)
What happened next? Well, as the next stop rolled around, 3 guys, 2 of which were wearing devils jerseys, get on the train and sit next to me. Sure the train wasn't packed yet, but for some reason, I had to move my ass to let these ugly retards sit near me. The one that wasn't wearing a devils jersey... yea, He was the classiest one of them all. He sat there typing on his laptop with the slightest of ease using one hand as the other was in a cast. Someone must've gotten years of practice before he broke that hand, if you know what I mean. But, that wasn't the worst thing about this guy. I basically stared at him (well, not stared. I’d look away when I noticed he was about to look in my direction, but otherwise it was a full on stare) as he'd pick his nose, look around to see if anyone was looking and then EAT HIS BOOGERS. This went on for most of the train ride. After a while I gave up being Mr. look away and would just stared in shock and gave him the ewe/what the fuck are you doing look.
Getting on the transfer train at Secaucus Junction was fun. I refused to pay for another ticket and also wanted to stick it to the conductor on the train I previously was on (who I am almost positive was the same asshole who kicked me off the train in Ridgewood on Tuesday telling me the train doesn't go to my town, when I TAKE THE SAME FUCKING TRAIN ALL THE GODDAMN TIME). What happened was this. I basically was thinking of how to get about the turnstyle-like machine that you have to swipe your train ticket into to proceed further on. Thinking of how I was basically going to have to end up running and jumping it before the train came in or talking someone into letting me run in as they swipe their ticket, I see this ditzy girl say to the security guy how her ticket wasn't working. Another IDIOT a few rows down couldn't figure out how to work the machine either. The security guy went over to see what was going on and scanned his ID card to let the ditzy girl and the idiot guy in. I figured now was my time to make a run for it. Apparently, someone else had the same idea as me and took this opportunity to do about what I was planning. That old gray haired bastard shoved his way through and almost knocked the ditz over as well as almost broke the security door off the hinge (or whatever the fuck it's on) off the machine. The security guard started yelling as I ran though. I look back at him, shrug my shoulders and go "oh, i was with her," pointing at the ditz, "my card had the same problem." Thank God his response was throwing his hands in the air in a gesture of giving up instead of him chasing after me. I didn't care that much after that. I figured that was an opportune moment since the train was on its way to the station any second... but then I saw it was running 5 minutes late which made me glad that guard didn't come after me.
The train was over packed with all kinds of mongoloids in Mets and Devils jerseys. This fat smelly woman in Mets gear was standing next to me on the train. It was not fun to say the least. Penn station was no fun either. It was particularly crowded. So were the streets, and the N train was just straight up atrocious. I have never seen such a mob on a train platform. I'm surprised people weren't shoving each other onto the tracks by bumping into one another, it was THAT crowded.
But whatever, I get to Union Square and met Romil up for some drinks. I ordered 2 Stellas thinking I'd have myself a beer and one waiting for Romil by the time he got there. Turns out that out of all the beers on tap there, I chose the one beer that was empty and needed to be replaced. They tell me this a minute or so after the fact and promised it would only be a few moments. I had to sit there for 10 to 15 minutes for a drink; A few moments, my ass. Yea yea, I know, I'm not some booze-starved fiend who couldn't sit out those 10 to 15 minutes. It's just that there was nothing to do and I was by myself for a while, by myself for a while in a damn bar. Romil eventually met me up, and the beer still wasn't ready. I was not surprised at all by this fact.
Bla bla bla, drinking, bullshitting, etc ensued. We eventually got these rather good (or maybe I was too drunk to realize they were bad) seasoned fries. Yea, come to think of it, they were covered in so much fucking garlic, whatever. I went to piss and first upon walking to the stairs to where the bathroom is, this LOSER with shitty tattoos, shaved head and white trash facial hair start tugging really hard on his friend and going "come on, I gotta show you something in the bathroom," and then starts doing the coke motions on his nose. I stare at him and give him this "that's REAL classy" look. He gave me the usual "I'm tough" look some lowlife like him would give. I just shook my head and gave him this facial expression to let him know I think he's a joke and kept on walking. Then I get downstairs and this girl is basically lost trying to get to the bathroom. This is the girl I pointed out to Romil earlier, saying that the other girl she was sitting next to her was friends with her so that guys would be like "oh, well, your big ears and nose aren't so bad upon seeing how your friend looks." What happens? It started out with me making some smart ass comment to her in regards to her getting lost trying to find the bathroom as I walked right into the men's bathroom door (which is literally 2 inches from the women's bathroom door). This resulted in her coming up to me later on in the evening as Romil and I were finishing our drink. She asked me something along the lines of "aren't you the guy who made a comment about me not being able to find the bathroom?" (That was quite possibly the worst attempt at playing dumb, mind you). This turned into her not leaving me alone for quite some time. I kept looking at Romil and asking him shit like "aren't you done yet?" and "come on, aren't we gonna meet up Dan or what?" Then the girl's friend came over, and I was right, upon seeing her, her big ears and nose weren't so bad looking in comparison to this egg of a girl who walked like a duck and wouldn’t leave me alone. Apparently me shifting my attention to big ears didn't phase the egg and she kept bugging me on and on. I don't even know how I ended up drinking a car bomb with her, honestly. Somehow I ended up paying too. Oh wait; she said whoever loses the chugging contest pays. I said I hate car bombs, they're for micks and I'm not one, etc. (honestly, who drinks those things?) I even told the bar tender "2 car bombs," and then leaned over the bar and said "and by two car bombs, I mean give this thing next to me a car bomb as I get a Jager bomb." Apparently the bartender didn't understand my subtlety and said aloud asking me "so a Jager bomb for you?" Then both the egg and the ears started going "oh, you're sneaky," and bla bla bla with their moron banter. I knew I was going to lose this chugging contest, I just didn't think this girl was the queen of unhinging her epiglottis and basically inhaling booze.
Somehow, the egg, the ears and their friend, the gay Asian dude, left with us. The gay Asian dude who I didn't even realize was with them until he started leaving with us ended up wandering off to "see a friend" (read that as he probably got corn holed within seconds of turning the corner from us judging by how he was reacting to the phone call he had gotten from said “friend”). But yea, these 2 girls kept trying to talk us into ditching Dan and heading to some Irish bar 4 blocks away from where we were supposed to be. I was like "fuck that, you go." Romil kept telling me to talk to the egg cause she liked me. I responded, annunciating every word, with "I do not care." The ears, on the other hand, was all into Romil. I was not going to have a pork roast. (Get it, she's fat, pork is a term for sex... she was fat... think about that little "pork roast" comment now... ok, it wasn't that good, shut up). My complete lack of sympathy for others emotions started kicking in and started off with me flat out telling the egg to shut up at one point when she wouldn't stop talking to me. That and I shoved my hand in her face to silence her. Apparently that didn't shut her up cause she kept going on and on about how she couldn't believe I did that. I told her "believe it," but that didn't work.
We show up and Dan sees these girls. First words out of his mouth were "whose your girl?" as the two girls wandered off to the bathroom right away. Dan then goes on to tell me to fuck the fat one for a good laugh. I was like "FUCK THAT!" I was afraid they'd follow us off to Black Finn later and then it hit me to get on the horn texting Scott saying to get Sarah and/or Ali to say I was their boyfriend to get this THING of a girl off my case when we'd show up there. Yea, this is how not into her I was. I mean, for crying out loud, I kept thinking "quack, quack, quack" each time she'd take a step. Yea, she really had that duck waddle, feet all out pointing in opposite directions, thing down to a T. 2 girls Dan works with came up and said hello after this ordeal went on. I then noticed It was an all Asian bar. It was ALL ASIANS, us 5 non-Asians, the 2 girls who followed us from Union Square, and 2 guys hanging out at the bar (and come to think of it, I think one of them was at least half-Asian).
We were given something called a tornado, I think? I don’t know really. It was basically Johnny Walker black and some kind of nasty beer. The girl would spin it around and would basically make that tornado effect anyone that went to a primary school science fair can figure out how to do (but I guess cause you're drunk you're supposed to be wowed?) The whole deal was she'd put a napkin over it, do the tornado dealy, and then throw the napkin, that is now sopping wet from the booze splashing around onto it, on the ceiling. Yea, the ceiling looked like spit-wad central. Long story short, the drink tasted like a rapist special and I drank it slowly cause of how bad it was. Apparently you're supposed to chug it. Yea, that's what I need, a black out AND a headache the next day that may or may not have lead to me being man-handled by some girl shaped like a dairy product found in your refrigerator, fuck THAT!
The egg finally got the hint when I spent the entire duration of time in the bar talking to the 2 girls Dan works with and not even giving her a second glance. Her and the ears eventually left all pissed off (the ears even went as far as to say something about being upset with my actions). After the dust settled from that, we eventually left too. But, of course, nothing's simple. The Guyanese girl, of the 2 that worked with Dan, kept looking for her shit. I kept handing it to her, off the couch she was sitting on but she was too drunk to realize this the first few times. Then we're outside and she starts freaking out about her cashmere sweater she lost. On and on this went while hoards of underage Asian kids started bitching they couldn't get into the bar we were just in. Then I said "dude, just walk in," and all of a sudden their tune changed to that they could get in if they wanted but they rather go some place else. I just sat there thinking "What? Didn't you JUST say you wanted to get in there but someone wouldn't let you?" But whatever, that girl was still going off about her cashmere, so I dragged her in the bar and said to look around. We made this pack of Asians sitting at the couches we were sitting at get up. I went to the bartender and told her that this girl was drunk and going on and on about her sweater, bla bla bla. She said to write her name and number on a piece of paper. Of course I didn't know any of this, so I dragged the girl over to the pad of paper, shoved a pen in her hand and told her to write it all out for the bartender.
We left and this girl's drunken tantrum went on to wanting to go home and getting on the wrong train. Romil, Dan and the other girl went after her. I just sat there on the street. I looked at this guy sitting there smoking a cigarette that saw the scene and was like "what was that?" My reply was "alcoholic messes." I finally realized that them taking too long either meant they left me and got on a train or are still down there. I wasn't going to chance it. I went down there to see. Apparently Dan and Romil left me and walked them to the right train and told me to go to so and so of a corner near where we were and catch the train up to the bar Jeff was working at. There was no train. I took a cab by some Rasta who was blasting reggae the whole ride there.
I showed up first to the bar (obviously). I see Jeff and he looks at me and goes "Rumple Minz?" I said "sure" and next thing I know, he's handing me a whisky glass filled with Rumple Minz. Safe to say that totally decimated me later on. Justin met me up, with Dan and Romil following soon after, followed by Scott, Sarah and Ali. It was the usual Black Finn night. An over crowded bar, a fight broke out outside, etc. By the end of the night we were sitting in this booth and I was beat. I also kept staring at this girl I thought was really cute. I couldn't get her attention to save my life. Then again, what was I going to even say? Knowing me, something rude and obnoxious no doubt.
Me, Scott, Sarah and Ali ended up hitting up a cab back to Sarah's car in the Bronx. I dropped my ipod in the cab and we spent the entire ride crawling around looking for it. This was followed by me drunk and angrily saying someone's getting stabbed if I don't get my ipod back, and then finally finding it after I said "FUCK THAT" to the cabbie when he asked for my phone number to call me if he found it (yea, cause you get things back when you lose them in a cab... that's me being sarcastic). Sarah dropped me off at my mom's house and I washed my hands a few times to get all that taxi floor dirt off of me. For some reason I had mascara across my nose too. I'm sure one of the girls yelled at me earlier for doing something that smudged their mascara on me, but whatever.
Fat Girls Need Lovin’ Too… Just Not From Me
I got on the train yesterday. First thing the conductor says to me is, "where's the other one?" I look at him in all sorts of confusion and say "the other what?" he goes "your ticket. This is for a return trip from New York." I look at him and go "huh?" He goes "you bought a round trip. This is the return ticket." Still confused, I look at him and go "what the fuck are you talking about?" He puts the ticket in my face and goes "LOOK!" I look at it and tell him I only bought a one way to the city and had no idea as to why my ticket said I paid $11.25 for a round trip. He then starts talking down to me and basically talking to me like my IQ was equal to or less than 75. What transpired after was an argument between the conductor and I with such shit as him saying, "how can you not pay attention to what you're paying for?" and me going off on him saying how I paid attention. I fucking was staring right at the button as I pressed it, and that the reason I didn't have a receipt was because that goddamn stupid fucking machine hasn't spit out a receipt in the past month and a half that I had been using it. Then I also started mentioning how half the time the machine gets jammed up and you have to basically run across the street screaming as you drop kick the damn thing to get your ticket out. This went on for the duration of one stop on the train before he got fed up trying to get me to pay for another ticket (YEA, after all that he still tried getting me to pay and I was like "fuck THAT!"). He then punched enough holes in the card to make it look like Swiss cheese (yea, quite the CHEESY comment, no?)
What happened next? Well, as the next stop rolled around, 3 guys, 2 of which were wearing devils jerseys, get on the train and sit next to me. Sure the train wasn't packed yet, but for some reason, I had to move my ass to let these ugly retards sit near me. The one that wasn't wearing a devils jersey... yea, He was the classiest one of them all. He sat there typing on his laptop with the slightest of ease using one hand as the other was in a cast. Someone must've gotten years of practice before he broke that hand, if you know what I mean. But, that wasn't the worst thing about this guy. I basically stared at him (well, not stared. I’d look away when I noticed he was about to look in my direction, but otherwise it was a full on stare) as he'd pick his nose, look around to see if anyone was looking and then EAT HIS BOOGERS. This went on for most of the train ride. After a while I gave up being Mr. look away and would just stared in shock and gave him the ewe/what the fuck are you doing look.
Getting on the transfer train at Secaucus Junction was fun. I refused to pay for another ticket and also wanted to stick it to the conductor on the train I previously was on (who I am almost positive was the same asshole who kicked me off the train in Ridgewood on Tuesday telling me the train doesn't go to my town, when I TAKE THE SAME FUCKING TRAIN ALL THE GODDAMN TIME). What happened was this. I basically was thinking of how to get about the turnstyle-like machine that you have to swipe your train ticket into to proceed further on. Thinking of how I was basically going to have to end up running and jumping it before the train came in or talking someone into letting me run in as they swipe their ticket, I see this ditzy girl say to the security guy how her ticket wasn't working. Another IDIOT a few rows down couldn't figure out how to work the machine either. The security guy went over to see what was going on and scanned his ID card to let the ditzy girl and the idiot guy in. I figured now was my time to make a run for it. Apparently, someone else had the same idea as me and took this opportunity to do about what I was planning. That old gray haired bastard shoved his way through and almost knocked the ditz over as well as almost broke the security door off the hinge (or whatever the fuck it's on) off the machine. The security guard started yelling as I ran though. I look back at him, shrug my shoulders and go "oh, i was with her," pointing at the ditz, "my card had the same problem." Thank God his response was throwing his hands in the air in a gesture of giving up instead of him chasing after me. I didn't care that much after that. I figured that was an opportune moment since the train was on its way to the station any second... but then I saw it was running 5 minutes late which made me glad that guard didn't come after me.
The train was over packed with all kinds of mongoloids in Mets and Devils jerseys. This fat smelly woman in Mets gear was standing next to me on the train. It was not fun to say the least. Penn station was no fun either. It was particularly crowded. So were the streets, and the N train was just straight up atrocious. I have never seen such a mob on a train platform. I'm surprised people weren't shoving each other onto the tracks by bumping into one another, it was THAT crowded.
But whatever, I get to Union Square and met Romil up for some drinks. I ordered 2 Stellas thinking I'd have myself a beer and one waiting for Romil by the time he got there. Turns out that out of all the beers on tap there, I chose the one beer that was empty and needed to be replaced. They tell me this a minute or so after the fact and promised it would only be a few moments. I had to sit there for 10 to 15 minutes for a drink; A few moments, my ass. Yea yea, I know, I'm not some booze-starved fiend who couldn't sit out those 10 to 15 minutes. It's just that there was nothing to do and I was by myself for a while, by myself for a while in a damn bar. Romil eventually met me up, and the beer still wasn't ready. I was not surprised at all by this fact.
Bla bla bla, drinking, bullshitting, etc ensued. We eventually got these rather good (or maybe I was too drunk to realize they were bad) seasoned fries. Yea, come to think of it, they were covered in so much fucking garlic, whatever. I went to piss and first upon walking to the stairs to where the bathroom is, this LOSER with shitty tattoos, shaved head and white trash facial hair start tugging really hard on his friend and going "come on, I gotta show you something in the bathroom," and then starts doing the coke motions on his nose. I stare at him and give him this "that's REAL classy" look. He gave me the usual "I'm tough" look some lowlife like him would give. I just shook my head and gave him this facial expression to let him know I think he's a joke and kept on walking. Then I get downstairs and this girl is basically lost trying to get to the bathroom. This is the girl I pointed out to Romil earlier, saying that the other girl she was sitting next to her was friends with her so that guys would be like "oh, well, your big ears and nose aren't so bad upon seeing how your friend looks." What happens? It started out with me making some smart ass comment to her in regards to her getting lost trying to find the bathroom as I walked right into the men's bathroom door (which is literally 2 inches from the women's bathroom door). This resulted in her coming up to me later on in the evening as Romil and I were finishing our drink. She asked me something along the lines of "aren't you the guy who made a comment about me not being able to find the bathroom?" (That was quite possibly the worst attempt at playing dumb, mind you). This turned into her not leaving me alone for quite some time. I kept looking at Romil and asking him shit like "aren't you done yet?" and "come on, aren't we gonna meet up Dan or what?" Then the girl's friend came over, and I was right, upon seeing her, her big ears and nose weren't so bad looking in comparison to this egg of a girl who walked like a duck and wouldn’t leave me alone. Apparently me shifting my attention to big ears didn't phase the egg and she kept bugging me on and on. I don't even know how I ended up drinking a car bomb with her, honestly. Somehow I ended up paying too. Oh wait; she said whoever loses the chugging contest pays. I said I hate car bombs, they're for micks and I'm not one, etc. (honestly, who drinks those things?) I even told the bar tender "2 car bombs," and then leaned over the bar and said "and by two car bombs, I mean give this thing next to me a car bomb as I get a Jager bomb." Apparently the bartender didn't understand my subtlety and said aloud asking me "so a Jager bomb for you?" Then both the egg and the ears started going "oh, you're sneaky," and bla bla bla with their moron banter. I knew I was going to lose this chugging contest, I just didn't think this girl was the queen of unhinging her epiglottis and basically inhaling booze.
Somehow, the egg, the ears and their friend, the gay Asian dude, left with us. The gay Asian dude who I didn't even realize was with them until he started leaving with us ended up wandering off to "see a friend" (read that as he probably got corn holed within seconds of turning the corner from us judging by how he was reacting to the phone call he had gotten from said “friend”). But yea, these 2 girls kept trying to talk us into ditching Dan and heading to some Irish bar 4 blocks away from where we were supposed to be. I was like "fuck that, you go." Romil kept telling me to talk to the egg cause she liked me. I responded, annunciating every word, with "I do not care." The ears, on the other hand, was all into Romil. I was not going to have a pork roast. (Get it, she's fat, pork is a term for sex... she was fat... think about that little "pork roast" comment now... ok, it wasn't that good, shut up). My complete lack of sympathy for others emotions started kicking in and started off with me flat out telling the egg to shut up at one point when she wouldn't stop talking to me. That and I shoved my hand in her face to silence her. Apparently that didn't shut her up cause she kept going on and on about how she couldn't believe I did that. I told her "believe it," but that didn't work.
We show up and Dan sees these girls. First words out of his mouth were "whose your girl?" as the two girls wandered off to the bathroom right away. Dan then goes on to tell me to fuck the fat one for a good laugh. I was like "FUCK THAT!" I was afraid they'd follow us off to Black Finn later and then it hit me to get on the horn texting Scott saying to get Sarah and/or Ali to say I was their boyfriend to get this THING of a girl off my case when we'd show up there. Yea, this is how not into her I was. I mean, for crying out loud, I kept thinking "quack, quack, quack" each time she'd take a step. Yea, she really had that duck waddle, feet all out pointing in opposite directions, thing down to a T. 2 girls Dan works with came up and said hello after this ordeal went on. I then noticed It was an all Asian bar. It was ALL ASIANS, us 5 non-Asians, the 2 girls who followed us from Union Square, and 2 guys hanging out at the bar (and come to think of it, I think one of them was at least half-Asian).
We were given something called a tornado, I think? I don’t know really. It was basically Johnny Walker black and some kind of nasty beer. The girl would spin it around and would basically make that tornado effect anyone that went to a primary school science fair can figure out how to do (but I guess cause you're drunk you're supposed to be wowed?) The whole deal was she'd put a napkin over it, do the tornado dealy, and then throw the napkin, that is now sopping wet from the booze splashing around onto it, on the ceiling. Yea, the ceiling looked like spit-wad central. Long story short, the drink tasted like a rapist special and I drank it slowly cause of how bad it was. Apparently you're supposed to chug it. Yea, that's what I need, a black out AND a headache the next day that may or may not have lead to me being man-handled by some girl shaped like a dairy product found in your refrigerator, fuck THAT!
The egg finally got the hint when I spent the entire duration of time in the bar talking to the 2 girls Dan works with and not even giving her a second glance. Her and the ears eventually left all pissed off (the ears even went as far as to say something about being upset with my actions). After the dust settled from that, we eventually left too. But, of course, nothing's simple. The Guyanese girl, of the 2 that worked with Dan, kept looking for her shit. I kept handing it to her, off the couch she was sitting on but she was too drunk to realize this the first few times. Then we're outside and she starts freaking out about her cashmere sweater she lost. On and on this went while hoards of underage Asian kids started bitching they couldn't get into the bar we were just in. Then I said "dude, just walk in," and all of a sudden their tune changed to that they could get in if they wanted but they rather go some place else. I just sat there thinking "What? Didn't you JUST say you wanted to get in there but someone wouldn't let you?" But whatever, that girl was still going off about her cashmere, so I dragged her in the bar and said to look around. We made this pack of Asians sitting at the couches we were sitting at get up. I went to the bartender and told her that this girl was drunk and going on and on about her sweater, bla bla bla. She said to write her name and number on a piece of paper. Of course I didn't know any of this, so I dragged the girl over to the pad of paper, shoved a pen in her hand and told her to write it all out for the bartender.
We left and this girl's drunken tantrum went on to wanting to go home and getting on the wrong train. Romil, Dan and the other girl went after her. I just sat there on the street. I looked at this guy sitting there smoking a cigarette that saw the scene and was like "what was that?" My reply was "alcoholic messes." I finally realized that them taking too long either meant they left me and got on a train or are still down there. I wasn't going to chance it. I went down there to see. Apparently Dan and Romil left me and walked them to the right train and told me to go to so and so of a corner near where we were and catch the train up to the bar Jeff was working at. There was no train. I took a cab by some Rasta who was blasting reggae the whole ride there.
I showed up first to the bar (obviously). I see Jeff and he looks at me and goes "Rumple Minz?" I said "sure" and next thing I know, he's handing me a whisky glass filled with Rumple Minz. Safe to say that totally decimated me later on. Justin met me up, with Dan and Romil following soon after, followed by Scott, Sarah and Ali. It was the usual Black Finn night. An over crowded bar, a fight broke out outside, etc. By the end of the night we were sitting in this booth and I was beat. I also kept staring at this girl I thought was really cute. I couldn't get her attention to save my life. Then again, what was I going to even say? Knowing me, something rude and obnoxious no doubt.
Me, Scott, Sarah and Ali ended up hitting up a cab back to Sarah's car in the Bronx. I dropped my ipod in the cab and we spent the entire ride crawling around looking for it. This was followed by me drunk and angrily saying someone's getting stabbed if I don't get my ipod back, and then finally finding it after I said "FUCK THAT" to the cabbie when he asked for my phone number to call me if he found it (yea, cause you get things back when you lose them in a cab... that's me being sarcastic). Sarah dropped me off at my mom's house and I washed my hands a few times to get all that taxi floor dirt off of me. For some reason I had mascara across my nose too. I'm sure one of the girls yelled at me earlier for doing something that smudged their mascara on me, but whatever.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
The Freaks Come Out at Night
Me and Mike were walking down Rivington Street in the Lower East Side last night. A woman stops her car, gets out and asks us for help. We're like "ummm... ok? What's the matter?" in horribly broken english, she tells us she just got her drivers license and she can't parallel park. Me and Mike look at each other in a shock/awe way and I say sure. I get in the car and it is filled with 3 or 4 little kids yelling in Spanish. I turn around and see all these kids and go "what up?" and start parking the car for her. I then got out, walked back to the sidewalk across the way where Mike was standing with the woman and then we wandered off. Quite possibly the most awkward thing that's happened to me in NYC as of late.
THEN, we get to Delancy. We stop at the Burger King over there. Mike's getting ready to order his food. I'm standing to the side where there's 3 kids. This guy who looked like he was all kinds of fucked up on booze and/or drugs just barges in, and starts getting in faces asking if anyone needs to use the bathroom. Starts pounding his fists on the bathroom door and then turns around and says something like "Anyone need to use the bathroom? I'm gonna be in there a loooong time." People sitting down eating were even giving each other weird looks in response to that statement. As soon as an employee unlocked the bathroom door for the guy me, mike and the 3 kids standing around all just look at each other and go "what the fuck?" We all start laughing. As Mike was about to get his food, the guy came barging out of the bathroom with his head soaking wet and just started power walking to the front door.
I think those were the only real highlights of randomness. OH, that and when we got to the bar, Mike went to the bathroom and as I was turning around to walk back to the table where Arielle and her friends were sitting this gay pizza delivery guy came in to drop off a pizza and he and I both got ran down by some loon who just started shoving into each of us seperately as he went for the door outta the bar. I wish I could remember exactly what the gay pizza delivery guy said but I can't... but it was fucking hilarious and I started laughing my ass off as soon as he started going off on the guy.
Oh, and San Loco was had. Sweet glorious San Loco. I hadn't had any in a while and it had been mentioned several times lately. Starting with Dan ranting about it at Wiseman's birthday party (and he eventually left to go get some, which I should have joined him in doing) and then again it was brought up how I met some people up there one time cause that's where they met for the first time... I think. I dunno. Whatever, it's like a tradition this couple. Anyway, Mike asked me if it was nearby. I said I only really know where the one on 4th avenue is exactly and that all i know is there's another one in the LES but I was not sure where. He looked it up on google maps on his phone and we discovered it was literally around the corner from where we were. We got some good food, ate in the car, headed west. Pissed and had a drink at the Slaughtered Lamb (haven't been in there in ages). It was crowded and there was this not that good looking waitress with her asshole basically hanging out of her shorts that I couldn't stop staring at. There was also a bartender with her tits falling out that I could not stop staring at whenever she was in my line of vision. After that, we got fat some more on Joe's pizza. Some guy saw me dumping garlic powder all over my slices and goes "Jesus, man!" I looked at him and go "what? I fucking like garlic. At least you know I'm not a vampire," and then left to head back to the car with Mike. Speaking of garlic and being anti-vampires, there was this guy walking down Rivington St that decided to show he was anti-twilight with a garlic bandoleer:
So fucking random.
But yea, that was the gist of last night. Throw in me and Mike listening to Initium a bunch of times on ye olde cassette tape and that's basically last night in a nutshell. Well, that and Mike playing Transformers soundboards off his cell phone, him switching it up between meowing at people while wearing my "cat-head" mask and yelling GI Joe/Cobra related nonsense while wearing my Cobra Commander helmet that I had both of in my back seat as I drove to the FDR to go home.
Oh yea, and if anyone used to save my old blogs (anything written/posted before January 24th, 2009) please lemme know. I wanna compile my old ones together and go through them, but I don't have them saved anywhere. I know some of you weirdos used to save them cause some of you told me you saved them. Well, here I am calling you out for having em and me wanting em. So lemme know. I rarely if ever go on myspace anymore and wanna transfer all my old blogs elsewhere(in fact, the only reason I went on this last time was to post something similar to this request on there in a bulletin that will go unnoticed since everyone is head over heels for facebook these days).
Oh yea... and the amount of half naked vagina that was strutting around the LES last night? OH MY FREAKING GOD! So much. So hot. I think I got herpes just looking at them. At one point me and Mike saw what I refered to as the "hoochie fa hoochie parade". Christ. I gotta start hanging out down there on weekends again. I haven't really hung out a lot down there since I was like 21 or 22.
THEN, we get to Delancy. We stop at the Burger King over there. Mike's getting ready to order his food. I'm standing to the side where there's 3 kids. This guy who looked like he was all kinds of fucked up on booze and/or drugs just barges in, and starts getting in faces asking if anyone needs to use the bathroom. Starts pounding his fists on the bathroom door and then turns around and says something like "Anyone need to use the bathroom? I'm gonna be in there a loooong time." People sitting down eating were even giving each other weird looks in response to that statement. As soon as an employee unlocked the bathroom door for the guy me, mike and the 3 kids standing around all just look at each other and go "what the fuck?" We all start laughing. As Mike was about to get his food, the guy came barging out of the bathroom with his head soaking wet and just started power walking to the front door.
I think those were the only real highlights of randomness. OH, that and when we got to the bar, Mike went to the bathroom and as I was turning around to walk back to the table where Arielle and her friends were sitting this gay pizza delivery guy came in to drop off a pizza and he and I both got ran down by some loon who just started shoving into each of us seperately as he went for the door outta the bar. I wish I could remember exactly what the gay pizza delivery guy said but I can't... but it was fucking hilarious and I started laughing my ass off as soon as he started going off on the guy.
Oh, and San Loco was had. Sweet glorious San Loco. I hadn't had any in a while and it had been mentioned several times lately. Starting with Dan ranting about it at Wiseman's birthday party (and he eventually left to go get some, which I should have joined him in doing) and then again it was brought up how I met some people up there one time cause that's where they met for the first time... I think. I dunno. Whatever, it's like a tradition this couple. Anyway, Mike asked me if it was nearby. I said I only really know where the one on 4th avenue is exactly and that all i know is there's another one in the LES but I was not sure where. He looked it up on google maps on his phone and we discovered it was literally around the corner from where we were. We got some good food, ate in the car, headed west. Pissed and had a drink at the Slaughtered Lamb (haven't been in there in ages). It was crowded and there was this not that good looking waitress with her asshole basically hanging out of her shorts that I couldn't stop staring at. There was also a bartender with her tits falling out that I could not stop staring at whenever she was in my line of vision. After that, we got fat some more on Joe's pizza. Some guy saw me dumping garlic powder all over my slices and goes "Jesus, man!" I looked at him and go "what? I fucking like garlic. At least you know I'm not a vampire," and then left to head back to the car with Mike. Speaking of garlic and being anti-vampires, there was this guy walking down Rivington St that decided to show he was anti-twilight with a garlic bandoleer:
So fucking random.
But yea, that was the gist of last night. Throw in me and Mike listening to Initium a bunch of times on ye olde cassette tape and that's basically last night in a nutshell. Well, that and Mike playing Transformers soundboards off his cell phone, him switching it up between meowing at people while wearing my "cat-head" mask and yelling GI Joe/Cobra related nonsense while wearing my Cobra Commander helmet that I had both of in my back seat as I drove to the FDR to go home.
Oh yea, and if anyone used to save my old blogs (anything written/posted before January 24th, 2009) please lemme know. I wanna compile my old ones together and go through them, but I don't have them saved anywhere. I know some of you weirdos used to save them cause some of you told me you saved them. Well, here I am calling you out for having em and me wanting em. So lemme know. I rarely if ever go on myspace anymore and wanna transfer all my old blogs elsewhere(in fact, the only reason I went on this last time was to post something similar to this request on there in a bulletin that will go unnoticed since everyone is head over heels for facebook these days).
Oh yea... and the amount of half naked vagina that was strutting around the LES last night? OH MY FREAKING GOD! So much. So hot. I think I got herpes just looking at them. At one point me and Mike saw what I refered to as the "hoochie fa hoochie parade". Christ. I gotta start hanging out down there on weekends again. I haven't really hung out a lot down there since I was like 21 or 22.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
This is No Way to Live
Ugh. Nothing like starting off your day vomiting into the shower. Why it tasted like warm peanut butter is beyond me, but there are now chunks of pizza in the shower that I am not looking forward to cleaning up when I get home from work.
My phone died really early last night, so on my drive to work after I turned my phone back on after charging it as I slept, my phone just went ape shit with like 10+ text messages. If you're reading this and wondering what I did yesterday and why I didn't respond back, there you go.
Last night's highlights include going to the city in the afternoon to meet up romil for some drinks. The hot bartender at Union bar giving us basically everything for free as I did not restrain from my tongue hanging from my mouth the entire time, and being the biggest wing man by having to talk to this girl's gay friend (which included me mentioning several times my love for the ladies just to make it clear to this guy that I was not at all interested in him or his nasties. Eventually Ronak met us up after me and Romil left union bar (basically to hide from the gay and his friend Romil later on told me he was not interested in).We ended going back to union for a bit after we realized the other bar was over packed and our waitress was a moody pregger bitch. I ended up leaving maybe after 1 more drink and heading to Mike's and I suppose i let his dog molly climb on my lap a lot because there is dog hair all over my jacket now. We watched maybe 3 or 4 episodes he dvr'd and then I headed home to pass the fuck out.
God, I need to throw up again. this is not going to be pretty. This damn office bathroom is awful. The walls are paper thin and everything echos inside it. I'm gonna try and be discrete about it, but I know it's gonna end up sounding like the Ramy vomit experience in surround sound. Ugh
My phone died really early last night, so on my drive to work after I turned my phone back on after charging it as I slept, my phone just went ape shit with like 10+ text messages. If you're reading this and wondering what I did yesterday and why I didn't respond back, there you go.
Last night's highlights include going to the city in the afternoon to meet up romil for some drinks. The hot bartender at Union bar giving us basically everything for free as I did not restrain from my tongue hanging from my mouth the entire time, and being the biggest wing man by having to talk to this girl's gay friend (which included me mentioning several times my love for the ladies just to make it clear to this guy that I was not at all interested in him or his nasties. Eventually Ronak met us up after me and Romil left union bar (basically to hide from the gay and his friend Romil later on told me he was not interested in).We ended going back to union for a bit after we realized the other bar was over packed and our waitress was a moody pregger bitch. I ended up leaving maybe after 1 more drink and heading to Mike's and I suppose i let his dog molly climb on my lap a lot because there is dog hair all over my jacket now. We watched maybe 3 or 4 episodes he dvr'd and then I headed home to pass the fuck out.
God, I need to throw up again. this is not going to be pretty. This damn office bathroom is awful. The walls are paper thin and everything echos inside it. I'm gonna try and be discrete about it, but I know it's gonna end up sounding like the Ramy vomit experience in surround sound. Ugh
Monday, November 16, 2009
Reminders of Jersey
This past weekend has been quite a fucking intense and insane weekend.
Friday night, drove down to Roseland to meet my sister up since she got 2 tickets to catch AFI. Thanks to traffic and not being able to find a parking spot for an hour, I missed the Gallows' set. Show up and AFI was about to go one. Highlights of the show was they broke out Triple Zero really early on into their set (maybe it was the 4th or 5th song in the set). I fucking love how no one knows anything before their Sing the Sorrow album. A few years back I remember they played A Single Second and I was going ape shit in the pit like it was one of their early days hardcore shows, doing shit you'd always see at CB's or something back in the day. All I remember was some kid in pants so tight that his balls must've not had any circulation calling me an asshole... and then me roundhouse kicking that fucker to the floor. Anyway, yea. My sister was laughing at me when I let out a big "FUCK YES!" when they started playing Love is a Many Splendored Thing too. I fucking love that song and it's so old. But yea, only complaints I had about the show was the fact I hate seeing shows at Roseland now. I think the last time I enjoyed myself at a show there was the Misfits 25th Anniversary tour kick off show, and that was cause fucking Googy gave me and TJ vip passed and we hung out with J~Sin and JV upstairs in the VIP balcony til the Misfits went on. Also, you know what I loved? This DRUNK SLOB screaming her fucking lungs out every five seconds "DAVEY! I LOVE YOU!!! DAAAAVY!!!!" I started sarcastically yelling every time she would until her friend finally shut her up. I really had a good laugh to myself when I was walking back to my car to drive across town after the show was over. Why? About 2 blocks away from Roseland, I found that drunk slob passed out in a door way, huddled on the floor, doing that post-puke spitting up disgustingness. I looked at her and said "Yea, that's attractive," and kept on walking.
When I got to my car, I discovered Romil, Dennis, Dan, Ken and Lucas were at this place called Vero. Dennis gave me the wrong address and I walked around for a bit til I realized he told me a street above the street it was on. I show up and Dennis is hitting on two girls. I butted in and one of these girls kept reaching for my hat which was in my hand at the time. i was like "excuse me, what in the fuck are you doing?" She told me she wanted to know if it was a Yankees hat and I asked her if she was gonna not talk to me if it wasnt. My time at Vero was spent watching Dennis go girl to girl and not get anywhere as well as wait up for Jeff to meet me up. Jeff finally met us up and we left to go to Turtle Bay for a hot second to see if we could get a free beer or two since he used to work there. I REALLY hate that place now after that night. At first it was that I was annoyed, then bothered by the place, but now i just fucking hate it and everyone inside it. The bouncers giving me a hard time for NO reason. the bartenders just being so full of themselves (yea dude with the frosted tips, you're so fucking cool. I wanna be on your team you fucking waste of life). Oh, and the MONGOLOID GAVONE PIECE OF SHIT bouncer who gave me a hard time about wearing my hat. Yea, fuck you. I was told at the door to take my hat off when I go inside. I walk in and 3 people are standing right in front of me wearing their hats. I went into the bathroom right before I left and I put my hat on so I wouldn't have to hold it as I piss. As soon as I put it on, I hear this voice, a voice that could only have came out of some neanderthal, telling me to take my hat off when inside the bar. I turned around and was like "are you fucking kidding me? I'm taking a goddamn piss." The guy was like "I don't care." I look at him and go "I am not holding my hat in my dick hand and getting piss all over it in the process." He was like "I don't care, put it in your back pocket." I told him I am not bending the brim just so I could take a fucking piss and stood there watching him stare at me, and waiting for me to take my hat off. Eventually, I muttered "scumbag" and took my hat off when I realized he was just gonna stand there and probably drag me out as soon as I finished pissing. I put the hat under my arm and pissed .While doing this, this fucking ape-man starts gargling listerine all obnoxious-like, dousing himself in cologne and then taking cigarettes from the bathroom attendant and then having the nerve to give the attendant shit like "what the fuck are you looking at me like that for?" AS I left the bar this Cro-Magnon kept giving me this "i'm a tough guy" stare down at me as I just light my cigarette, staring at him and giving him a dirty look back, as I waited for Jeff and Romil to figure out what they wanted to do.
Romil went home and Jeff asked me to drop him off at his apartment. I then drove my ass downtown to meet up JV and Loki and whoever else they were with at Down the Hatch. I show up and it's drunken 21 year old after drunken 21 year old all over the place. Apparently it was Sam's friend's 21st b-day and she was SLOPPY by the time I showed up. Me and Loki just kept taking shot after shot of rumple minz as we bullshitted about this and that drinking our drinks. right before we all left, sam's friend went head firsst through the front door. Being outside smoking a cigarette, I hear this comotion and look down the stairs to the see this mess at the front door going on. She's on the floor and her friends are trying to help her up. All I could hear was "Nooooo. Dooooon't. Leave me, I'm happy." I couldn't stop laughing as her friends had to basically carry her out and down the street back to where ever she lives.
I somehow made it back home and fell asleep to try and get some sleep before work. I woke up and got to work Saturday morning. work was boring as shit. After work, I rushed home, took a shower, got changed and headed to Loki's to watch the fight. I showed up and no one was home. I woke up Chris who was pissed off cause he just got home from work and fell asleep and my dumb ass opens the front door, yelling "HELLLOOOOO!" and then going back outside and repeatedly ringing the front doorbell. Thinking back, I shoulda taken a picture of his face when he came down the stairs to ask me "what in the HELL are you doing?" I sat on the couch, nodding off to these 2 assholes on fox reviewing movies til Loki got home. He came back with a SHIT-TON of liquor (as seen below):
OK, so a few of those bottles were from prior to his booze run, but still, that's what a 300+ dollar shopping spree at the liquor store looks like. Loki ate his dinner he picked up and we all started drinking as people showed up like stragglers throughout the night. We got SHITTY! All I remember is we kept laughing at how drunk we all were. Unfortunately, I eventually passed the fuck out from only getting 3 hours sleep the night before and drinking myself stupid. I mean, it was a good idea anyway since I had to wake up early if I was gonna drive back to New York for work, and then BACK to Jersey after work on Sunday. Sadly, my sleep was short. Why? Loki decided around 2am to wake me up and force shots down my throat telling me "We're not going to sleep yet. We're still drinking. WAke up." I just kept kicking and screaming like a little child until they dragged me back to the table and I was propped up in a seat with drinks being thrown at me. Around 5am me and Bob both claimed the downstairs couches to sleep on. I fell asleep rambling God knows what as Loki and JV argued over whatever it was they were talking about that me and Bob kept butting into the convo of every now and then til we fell asleep. According to Bob, I fell asleep hugging some big framed photo of Loki as a child til Loki took it out of my hands. Why? I have no idea other than the fact it was on the couch I was sleeping on.
I woke up around 8am Sunday morning. staggered around the house looking for my shit, chasing the cat off my jacket and staggered out the door for a nice fun drive home filled with swerving and trying not to fall asleep behind the wheel. I got home, changed my clothes, dumped some cologne on me so I didn't smell like a bottle of rumple minz and then took off for work. I basically spent the entire day at work trying not to pass out. At one point I just locked myself in the bathroom. Put the lid down n the toilet, sat on it as a chair and used the handicapped handrail as a pillow and tried getting some sleep. I figured if anyone wondered, they'd think I was just backed up and dropping off some major Cosby kids off at the pool. This went on just about all day at work. By the time it was closing time I just bee-lined it outta there and back to the house for a shower and change. Right before I left for Jersey I stopped off at the Sunoco right next to the on ramp to I-87 in Ardsley to get some Monster energy drinks and sun chips to try and revive me. While wandering around the shop, Loki calls me, laughing as I answered cause he had to tell me Bob was complaining about how I woke him up cause of all the grunting I was doing earlier in the morning as I walked around the house. Loki told me they were headed to the club after we were going to hang up our phones and I decided to go straight to the club. I showed up, BSed with the guys outside, basically telling Loki, JV and Bob to all go to hell for how shitty I felt and then we headed inside.
When we walked in, the Bad Whoremoans were playing and maybe a song or two in after I walked in, this little kid sporting a devilock came up on stage with them to sing Where Eagles Dare (photo, by Loki, below):
After their set was done I started heading towards outside to have a cigarette until Shannyn, who I haven't seen in ages, grabs me and says hello. We talked for a bit. Then Jaymz who I haven't seen in even longer walks in and we shoot the shit until I finally say I wanna cigarette. went outside and BSed with even more people I hadn't seen in a while, filled with me and Ciccone yelling nonsense every now and then and laughing about stupid shit.
Eventually Darrow Chemical Company set was about ready so everyone headed back inside. Having been sitting there for most if not all of the process of that band, it was a nice to see JV finally got the lineup solidified and the songs all finished up and completed for the most part. They did a really good job and I think JV's goal of bringing good music back to the horror punk scene did it's job. Good shit.
Afterwards, Blitzkid came on and rocked the house too. I haven't seen them in a while and they played just as good as they ever did. Their new drummer is a fucking animal too. My only complaints about that part of the night was A) there was quite a few kids standing near me who needed to learn how to wash their asses. It smelt so bad like the swamp ass of someone who didn't wipe properly. Sooo gross. I seriously thought I was gonna pass out from the vile smell at points of their set. Another thing was the 3 skanky girls who basically spent the whole night trying to suck blitzkid's collective cocks.
After the show was over I went outside to smoke a cigarette which turned into just hanging out on the street with everyone til the club closed and we all ended up crossing the street to hang out at Dingo's for a few drinks. Ox bought a tray of jello shots for all of us. I didn't really drink cause I figured i'd pass the fuck out behind the wheel on my way home. Ox kept pumping the jukebox full of Misfits/Samhain/Danzig and then some other metal bands here and there like Pantera and Lamb of God. Despite the fact I was beyond delirious, exhausted and fighting gravity from making me collapse to the floor, I had a really good time and it made me realize how much I miss living in Jersey and hanging out with all these people at random house parties we all used to throw every once in a while.
After a while, we all headed our separate ways with some of us eventually heading back to Loki's as planned hours before when we left Dingbatz. I decided to follow JV and Sam back to Loki's since my navigation system has been on the fritz. Of course a giant truck cuts me off and when I finally get a change to go around it I start following the wrong car for a while til I finally catch up to it and realize it wasn't Sam's car but some random moron's. I then tried turning my navigation system on. After freezing up and keep fucking up it finally tells me how to get to Loki's from whatever God awful part of whatever God awful town I was in at that point. It ended up taking me on what I'd like to refer to as the scared straight version of a detour back to Loki's. It kept telling me to go down these random streets in Patterson that i was pretty sure would lead to me getting shot at or car jacked. Even better, my fucking navigation system kept telling me to fucking go the wrong way down one way streets. I had to basically sit tehre and try and figure out what street it was trying to get me to and find my own way to these streets. I eventually got a call from JV asking me where the hell I went and I told him where i was. Turns out I was apparently 10 miles from Loki's house if I took this long as fuck, dark as shit, road down passed fields and woods.
I showed up to Loki's as Germs was rolling up and we headed inside BSing with one another while Matt Johnson kept turning the volume on the tv louder and louder as JV and Germs argued over nonsense that I would butt in and instigate once in a while. We watched the video of the Darrow Chemical Company set that Keith video taped and then Loki kicked us out of his room to go to sleep. We went back downstairs, smoked a little and then eventually I decided to go home cause I knew I was not gonna get any sleep sleeping on that damn couch again and was gonna get woken up early by either Loki or Chris. Driving home really late at night, it sucked. From the Garden State exit to halfway across the Tappan Zee Bridge on 287 was a thick as shit fog filled with nothing but state trooper after state trooper just sitting along side the road. Then a few miles after the bridge was more fog. I evntually got home and PASSED THE FUCK OUT. I woke up to a plethora of texts that I didn't even see I got throughout the night and into this morning, and even afternoon. Tried replying back to some (ok, only the last 3 I got), tried to drag myself to the bathroom and realize I slept through the entire morning and didn't wake up to my alarm I set to wake me up and get me doing the shit I had to do today. And uh... yea. That sums up my day. Now, I gotta go write up a letter I have to fax out that I completely forgot to do earlier this week that's gotta be sent no later than midnight tonight.
Friday night, drove down to Roseland to meet my sister up since she got 2 tickets to catch AFI. Thanks to traffic and not being able to find a parking spot for an hour, I missed the Gallows' set. Show up and AFI was about to go one. Highlights of the show was they broke out Triple Zero really early on into their set (maybe it was the 4th or 5th song in the set). I fucking love how no one knows anything before their Sing the Sorrow album. A few years back I remember they played A Single Second and I was going ape shit in the pit like it was one of their early days hardcore shows, doing shit you'd always see at CB's or something back in the day. All I remember was some kid in pants so tight that his balls must've not had any circulation calling me an asshole... and then me roundhouse kicking that fucker to the floor. Anyway, yea. My sister was laughing at me when I let out a big "FUCK YES!" when they started playing Love is a Many Splendored Thing too. I fucking love that song and it's so old. But yea, only complaints I had about the show was the fact I hate seeing shows at Roseland now. I think the last time I enjoyed myself at a show there was the Misfits 25th Anniversary tour kick off show, and that was cause fucking Googy gave me and TJ vip passed and we hung out with J~Sin and JV upstairs in the VIP balcony til the Misfits went on. Also, you know what I loved? This DRUNK SLOB screaming her fucking lungs out every five seconds "DAVEY! I LOVE YOU!!! DAAAAVY!!!!" I started sarcastically yelling every time she would until her friend finally shut her up. I really had a good laugh to myself when I was walking back to my car to drive across town after the show was over. Why? About 2 blocks away from Roseland, I found that drunk slob passed out in a door way, huddled on the floor, doing that post-puke spitting up disgustingness. I looked at her and said "Yea, that's attractive," and kept on walking.
When I got to my car, I discovered Romil, Dennis, Dan, Ken and Lucas were at this place called Vero. Dennis gave me the wrong address and I walked around for a bit til I realized he told me a street above the street it was on. I show up and Dennis is hitting on two girls. I butted in and one of these girls kept reaching for my hat which was in my hand at the time. i was like "excuse me, what in the fuck are you doing?" She told me she wanted to know if it was a Yankees hat and I asked her if she was gonna not talk to me if it wasnt. My time at Vero was spent watching Dennis go girl to girl and not get anywhere as well as wait up for Jeff to meet me up. Jeff finally met us up and we left to go to Turtle Bay for a hot second to see if we could get a free beer or two since he used to work there. I REALLY hate that place now after that night. At first it was that I was annoyed, then bothered by the place, but now i just fucking hate it and everyone inside it. The bouncers giving me a hard time for NO reason. the bartenders just being so full of themselves (yea dude with the frosted tips, you're so fucking cool. I wanna be on your team you fucking waste of life). Oh, and the MONGOLOID GAVONE PIECE OF SHIT bouncer who gave me a hard time about wearing my hat. Yea, fuck you. I was told at the door to take my hat off when I go inside. I walk in and 3 people are standing right in front of me wearing their hats. I went into the bathroom right before I left and I put my hat on so I wouldn't have to hold it as I piss. As soon as I put it on, I hear this voice, a voice that could only have came out of some neanderthal, telling me to take my hat off when inside the bar. I turned around and was like "are you fucking kidding me? I'm taking a goddamn piss." The guy was like "I don't care." I look at him and go "I am not holding my hat in my dick hand and getting piss all over it in the process." He was like "I don't care, put it in your back pocket." I told him I am not bending the brim just so I could take a fucking piss and stood there watching him stare at me, and waiting for me to take my hat off. Eventually, I muttered "scumbag" and took my hat off when I realized he was just gonna stand there and probably drag me out as soon as I finished pissing. I put the hat under my arm and pissed .While doing this, this fucking ape-man starts gargling listerine all obnoxious-like, dousing himself in cologne and then taking cigarettes from the bathroom attendant and then having the nerve to give the attendant shit like "what the fuck are you looking at me like that for?" AS I left the bar this Cro-Magnon kept giving me this "i'm a tough guy" stare down at me as I just light my cigarette, staring at him and giving him a dirty look back, as I waited for Jeff and Romil to figure out what they wanted to do.
Romil went home and Jeff asked me to drop him off at his apartment. I then drove my ass downtown to meet up JV and Loki and whoever else they were with at Down the Hatch. I show up and it's drunken 21 year old after drunken 21 year old all over the place. Apparently it was Sam's friend's 21st b-day and she was SLOPPY by the time I showed up. Me and Loki just kept taking shot after shot of rumple minz as we bullshitted about this and that drinking our drinks. right before we all left, sam's friend went head firsst through the front door. Being outside smoking a cigarette, I hear this comotion and look down the stairs to the see this mess at the front door going on. She's on the floor and her friends are trying to help her up. All I could hear was "Nooooo. Dooooon't. Leave me, I'm happy." I couldn't stop laughing as her friends had to basically carry her out and down the street back to where ever she lives.
I somehow made it back home and fell asleep to try and get some sleep before work. I woke up and got to work Saturday morning. work was boring as shit. After work, I rushed home, took a shower, got changed and headed to Loki's to watch the fight. I showed up and no one was home. I woke up Chris who was pissed off cause he just got home from work and fell asleep and my dumb ass opens the front door, yelling "HELLLOOOOO!" and then going back outside and repeatedly ringing the front doorbell. Thinking back, I shoulda taken a picture of his face when he came down the stairs to ask me "what in the HELL are you doing?" I sat on the couch, nodding off to these 2 assholes on fox reviewing movies til Loki got home. He came back with a SHIT-TON of liquor (as seen below):
OK, so a few of those bottles were from prior to his booze run, but still, that's what a 300+ dollar shopping spree at the liquor store looks like. Loki ate his dinner he picked up and we all started drinking as people showed up like stragglers throughout the night. We got SHITTY! All I remember is we kept laughing at how drunk we all were. Unfortunately, I eventually passed the fuck out from only getting 3 hours sleep the night before and drinking myself stupid. I mean, it was a good idea anyway since I had to wake up early if I was gonna drive back to New York for work, and then BACK to Jersey after work on Sunday. Sadly, my sleep was short. Why? Loki decided around 2am to wake me up and force shots down my throat telling me "We're not going to sleep yet. We're still drinking. WAke up." I just kept kicking and screaming like a little child until they dragged me back to the table and I was propped up in a seat with drinks being thrown at me. Around 5am me and Bob both claimed the downstairs couches to sleep on. I fell asleep rambling God knows what as Loki and JV argued over whatever it was they were talking about that me and Bob kept butting into the convo of every now and then til we fell asleep. According to Bob, I fell asleep hugging some big framed photo of Loki as a child til Loki took it out of my hands. Why? I have no idea other than the fact it was on the couch I was sleeping on.
I woke up around 8am Sunday morning. staggered around the house looking for my shit, chasing the cat off my jacket and staggered out the door for a nice fun drive home filled with swerving and trying not to fall asleep behind the wheel. I got home, changed my clothes, dumped some cologne on me so I didn't smell like a bottle of rumple minz and then took off for work. I basically spent the entire day at work trying not to pass out. At one point I just locked myself in the bathroom. Put the lid down n the toilet, sat on it as a chair and used the handicapped handrail as a pillow and tried getting some sleep. I figured if anyone wondered, they'd think I was just backed up and dropping off some major Cosby kids off at the pool. This went on just about all day at work. By the time it was closing time I just bee-lined it outta there and back to the house for a shower and change. Right before I left for Jersey I stopped off at the Sunoco right next to the on ramp to I-87 in Ardsley to get some Monster energy drinks and sun chips to try and revive me. While wandering around the shop, Loki calls me, laughing as I answered cause he had to tell me Bob was complaining about how I woke him up cause of all the grunting I was doing earlier in the morning as I walked around the house. Loki told me they were headed to the club after we were going to hang up our phones and I decided to go straight to the club. I showed up, BSed with the guys outside, basically telling Loki, JV and Bob to all go to hell for how shitty I felt and then we headed inside.
When we walked in, the Bad Whoremoans were playing and maybe a song or two in after I walked in, this little kid sporting a devilock came up on stage with them to sing Where Eagles Dare (photo, by Loki, below):
After their set was done I started heading towards outside to have a cigarette until Shannyn, who I haven't seen in ages, grabs me and says hello. We talked for a bit. Then Jaymz who I haven't seen in even longer walks in and we shoot the shit until I finally say I wanna cigarette. went outside and BSed with even more people I hadn't seen in a while, filled with me and Ciccone yelling nonsense every now and then and laughing about stupid shit.
Eventually Darrow Chemical Company set was about ready so everyone headed back inside. Having been sitting there for most if not all of the process of that band, it was a nice to see JV finally got the lineup solidified and the songs all finished up and completed for the most part. They did a really good job and I think JV's goal of bringing good music back to the horror punk scene did it's job. Good shit.
Afterwards, Blitzkid came on and rocked the house too. I haven't seen them in a while and they played just as good as they ever did. Their new drummer is a fucking animal too. My only complaints about that part of the night was A) there was quite a few kids standing near me who needed to learn how to wash their asses. It smelt so bad like the swamp ass of someone who didn't wipe properly. Sooo gross. I seriously thought I was gonna pass out from the vile smell at points of their set. Another thing was the 3 skanky girls who basically spent the whole night trying to suck blitzkid's collective cocks.
After the show was over I went outside to smoke a cigarette which turned into just hanging out on the street with everyone til the club closed and we all ended up crossing the street to hang out at Dingo's for a few drinks. Ox bought a tray of jello shots for all of us. I didn't really drink cause I figured i'd pass the fuck out behind the wheel on my way home. Ox kept pumping the jukebox full of Misfits/Samhain/Danzig and then some other metal bands here and there like Pantera and Lamb of God. Despite the fact I was beyond delirious, exhausted and fighting gravity from making me collapse to the floor, I had a really good time and it made me realize how much I miss living in Jersey and hanging out with all these people at random house parties we all used to throw every once in a while.
After a while, we all headed our separate ways with some of us eventually heading back to Loki's as planned hours before when we left Dingbatz. I decided to follow JV and Sam back to Loki's since my navigation system has been on the fritz. Of course a giant truck cuts me off and when I finally get a change to go around it I start following the wrong car for a while til I finally catch up to it and realize it wasn't Sam's car but some random moron's. I then tried turning my navigation system on. After freezing up and keep fucking up it finally tells me how to get to Loki's from whatever God awful part of whatever God awful town I was in at that point. It ended up taking me on what I'd like to refer to as the scared straight version of a detour back to Loki's. It kept telling me to go down these random streets in Patterson that i was pretty sure would lead to me getting shot at or car jacked. Even better, my fucking navigation system kept telling me to fucking go the wrong way down one way streets. I had to basically sit tehre and try and figure out what street it was trying to get me to and find my own way to these streets. I eventually got a call from JV asking me where the hell I went and I told him where i was. Turns out I was apparently 10 miles from Loki's house if I took this long as fuck, dark as shit, road down passed fields and woods.
I showed up to Loki's as Germs was rolling up and we headed inside BSing with one another while Matt Johnson kept turning the volume on the tv louder and louder as JV and Germs argued over nonsense that I would butt in and instigate once in a while. We watched the video of the Darrow Chemical Company set that Keith video taped and then Loki kicked us out of his room to go to sleep. We went back downstairs, smoked a little and then eventually I decided to go home cause I knew I was not gonna get any sleep sleeping on that damn couch again and was gonna get woken up early by either Loki or Chris. Driving home really late at night, it sucked. From the Garden State exit to halfway across the Tappan Zee Bridge on 287 was a thick as shit fog filled with nothing but state trooper after state trooper just sitting along side the road. Then a few miles after the bridge was more fog. I evntually got home and PASSED THE FUCK OUT. I woke up to a plethora of texts that I didn't even see I got throughout the night and into this morning, and even afternoon. Tried replying back to some (ok, only the last 3 I got), tried to drag myself to the bathroom and realize I slept through the entire morning and didn't wake up to my alarm I set to wake me up and get me doing the shit I had to do today. And uh... yea. That sums up my day. Now, I gotta go write up a letter I have to fax out that I completely forgot to do earlier this week that's gotta be sent no later than midnight tonight.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
The 2009 Halloween Story
I left work an hour early so I could get down to the city to register for the night's barcrawl. I finally got a spot and ran to the place. I got there at 6:01 and the guy told me "registrations closed." I said "Really, you're really gonna push this registration ends at 6 on the dot bullshit? are you fucking kidding me?" He did the whole "i'm bigger and blacker than you approach to me. I told him to go fuck himself and walked away. My friend gave me one of his childhood friends' bracelet cause he was gonna meet up later and he'd tell him he couldnt get him one. (I guess this is why I'm gonna be this kid's best man? who knows).
Most bars sucked. Well, the first one wasn't bad. Kept getting the eye from this girl whenever her boyfriend wasn't looking. Another girl fell flat on her face right in front of me and I laughed and laughed.
Another bar, the bartender was some dirty whore. She refused to give me any of the specials because I didn't bring my cup with me. They give you a plastic cup that is the size of a child's fist and THAT is what they expect you to use for 2 dollar beers and mixed drinks. No other bars enforce this but this girl had to be a giant cunt about it and basically said to take my business elsewhere if I didn't like it. I harassed her til she said she'd give me a beer for 4 dollars... and it had to be bud light. I told her to go to holy hell and flipped her off.
The next bar we walked into was dead, minus some guys dressed as 90s wrestlers. I thought I was gonna fight Brett The Hitman Heart cause he didn't like me talking to who I guess was his woman. He kept saying "No, seriously. Have a good night" to get me to go away. I would say shit like "no, seriously. Night pink spandex" back to him. I eventually left that situation when the girl said "I shoulda been that girl from Always Sunny." I asked Her "Sweet Dee? Why? Cause you're trash?" She didn't like that all too much.
The last and final bar we went to was a mess. This hispanic couple as two clowns kept asking to take pictures with me. I also found the love of my life there. She was the most horrible person imaginable. Just my type. She also makes me want to walk into traffic now. Why? She kinda was on the fence about me being 5 years younger than her. What really did it in was when she said "so, how close to here do you live?" I said in Westchester. She asked how I could afford that. I said I just moved back into my mother's til I find a new place. BAM. Make fun of Ramy city was in full effect. She basically told her friend I live with my mother and dress as Cobra Commander, and her friend must've gave her the "That's a deal breaker" face cause not much of the conversation happened after that. She gave me my gum back (yea, she took the piece of gum I had in my mouth out and put it in her mouth to chew and then gave it back after she found out I live with mama... God, I think I'm gonna run out into the street right now). She said "don't look so sad, I'm gonna go home now... alone." I must've had the biggest pout face known to man at that point. (Wouldn't even take my number. Talk about heart break. This girl basically encouraged my deviant behavors of fucking with people that walked by us).
Anyway, the night turned into a bigger and bigger mess. At one point this girl outside was bearing witness to me just lashing out at people by fucking with them mentally and a little physically. She tried giving me pointers and setting me up with some girl outside having a cigarette. This was all fine and well til I basically just tore off the girl's wig and called her "baldly." I had to do it though. This girl trying to set me up made me feel like an idiot or incapable of getting women on my own (which may or may not be true regardless).
The remainder of the night was me stealing drinks left and right (I still don't know who the fuck orders a glass of tequila and cranberry juice. Yuck.... I still drank it anyway and was probably why I should not have been behind the wheel on my ride home).
One of Eddie or Janell's friends was just a giant bitch the entire night. I purposely would agitate her more and more to the point I took my gum out and threatened to put the gum in her hair. That's when she flipped out and said "why do I deserve that? Why would you do that to me?" I said "A) I wasn't going to really do it. B) You've been a giant cunt to me all night." I think that was the last interaction we had last night... and probably ever again.
I wandered off eventually and got to the car... only to find a sopping wet parking ticket for 65 dollars on my windshield. Gotta love it.
I also forgot it was daylight savings today, or last night. Way to lose an hour.
Now, if you'll excuse me. I have to go tie a noose to hang myself from out of sheer depression. If not, I'll just sit here til work is over, then head over to jersey for this "Day of the Dead" thingamabob that Myke Hideous and this Paul guy are throwing that the Doomsday Prophecy are playing at.
Most bars sucked. Well, the first one wasn't bad. Kept getting the eye from this girl whenever her boyfriend wasn't looking. Another girl fell flat on her face right in front of me and I laughed and laughed.
Another bar, the bartender was some dirty whore. She refused to give me any of the specials because I didn't bring my cup with me. They give you a plastic cup that is the size of a child's fist and THAT is what they expect you to use for 2 dollar beers and mixed drinks. No other bars enforce this but this girl had to be a giant cunt about it and basically said to take my business elsewhere if I didn't like it. I harassed her til she said she'd give me a beer for 4 dollars... and it had to be bud light. I told her to go to holy hell and flipped her off.
The next bar we walked into was dead, minus some guys dressed as 90s wrestlers. I thought I was gonna fight Brett The Hitman Heart cause he didn't like me talking to who I guess was his woman. He kept saying "No, seriously. Have a good night" to get me to go away. I would say shit like "no, seriously. Night pink spandex" back to him. I eventually left that situation when the girl said "I shoulda been that girl from Always Sunny." I asked Her "Sweet Dee? Why? Cause you're trash?" She didn't like that all too much.
The last and final bar we went to was a mess. This hispanic couple as two clowns kept asking to take pictures with me. I also found the love of my life there. She was the most horrible person imaginable. Just my type. She also makes me want to walk into traffic now. Why? She kinda was on the fence about me being 5 years younger than her. What really did it in was when she said "so, how close to here do you live?" I said in Westchester. She asked how I could afford that. I said I just moved back into my mother's til I find a new place. BAM. Make fun of Ramy city was in full effect. She basically told her friend I live with my mother and dress as Cobra Commander, and her friend must've gave her the "That's a deal breaker" face cause not much of the conversation happened after that. She gave me my gum back (yea, she took the piece of gum I had in my mouth out and put it in her mouth to chew and then gave it back after she found out I live with mama... God, I think I'm gonna run out into the street right now). She said "don't look so sad, I'm gonna go home now... alone." I must've had the biggest pout face known to man at that point. (Wouldn't even take my number. Talk about heart break. This girl basically encouraged my deviant behavors of fucking with people that walked by us).
Anyway, the night turned into a bigger and bigger mess. At one point this girl outside was bearing witness to me just lashing out at people by fucking with them mentally and a little physically. She tried giving me pointers and setting me up with some girl outside having a cigarette. This was all fine and well til I basically just tore off the girl's wig and called her "baldly." I had to do it though. This girl trying to set me up made me feel like an idiot or incapable of getting women on my own (which may or may not be true regardless).
The remainder of the night was me stealing drinks left and right (I still don't know who the fuck orders a glass of tequila and cranberry juice. Yuck.... I still drank it anyway and was probably why I should not have been behind the wheel on my ride home).
One of Eddie or Janell's friends was just a giant bitch the entire night. I purposely would agitate her more and more to the point I took my gum out and threatened to put the gum in her hair. That's when she flipped out and said "why do I deserve that? Why would you do that to me?" I said "A) I wasn't going to really do it. B) You've been a giant cunt to me all night." I think that was the last interaction we had last night... and probably ever again.
I wandered off eventually and got to the car... only to find a sopping wet parking ticket for 65 dollars on my windshield. Gotta love it.
I also forgot it was daylight savings today, or last night. Way to lose an hour.
Now, if you'll excuse me. I have to go tie a noose to hang myself from out of sheer depression. If not, I'll just sit here til work is over, then head over to jersey for this "Day of the Dead" thingamabob that Myke Hideous and this Paul guy are throwing that the Doomsday Prophecy are playing at.
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