Gone With the Sanity

Well, last night I narrowly escaped death... again.

What happened? About 2 or so hours into us sitting around waiting for a tow truck, Scott put it best. "This is like Pee-Wee's Big Adventure where he wakes up and the fortune for the day says "do not go outside," and he just shrugs it off and goes out anyway. Yea. What happened? Well, let's see. The whole day consisted of me taking full advantage of my day off. In reality, all I did was lay there like an animal you find dying on the side of the road and switching it up between watching horrible television and playing Call of Duty.

Eventually, Scott got back to me about wanting to go out cause he got tired of waiting for a response to his plans. Ian also called and said he wanted to hang out. Among trying to figure a plan out with Scott, we came up with "THE WHEEL OF ALCOHOLISM!" Basially it's a like the wheel from the wheel of fortune, but instead of money, it's gonna be bars we always go to. It's gonna be for those nights, like last night, where we can't decide where to go. We ended up deciding to go to the Stumble Inn cause we never been in there since they changed Moe's Carribian into that place and wanted to check it out (also since we haven't been in that neck of the woods in a whiles). But yea, NONE of our plans went into action last night. We got to Ian's, picked him up, hopped on the West Side highway and I passed the exit for 79th street. Scott pointed it out to me, and I said to shut up. I turned around at 56th street and got back on the Westside highway. As I'm coming up to pass the onramp right before the offramp for 79th street, I notice this car is NOT stopping at the stop sign before getting on the highway. No, he did not have any sense of caring that a car going 60+ miles per hour (knowing me, probably closer to mid to high 70s) was barreling down at him. I slammed on the breaks and started honking as my ABS kicked in. Well, it had to work over time cause while skidding to avoid hitting the guy who cut me off, I hit a patch of black ice and KEPT skidding even farther. To add insult to what I thought was inevitable injury was that this MORON started slowing down, meaning I was still flying into him and instead of speeding up like he should have done in the first place if he was gonna jump out in front of me, he slowed down to make it more probable that I'd hit him.

Eventually, I got around this guy and veered off onto the off ramp for 79th street. As I hit the breaks to slow down around the bend, I realized a lack of break pressure and that we were NOT slowing down AT ALL. I calmly say to Scott and Ian, "I have no breaks... I. Have. NO. Breaks. Dude... the breaks aren't working." Scott and Ian kinda look at each othere not thinking it was too serious until I slammed on the parking break and it was not slowing us down in time to not go through the stop sign into traffic. Even worse, the after barreling through that stop sign with Scott, Ian and I now freaking out bad, we realized we were propper fucked when we had to blow through a light where a busy Riverside drive was the cross street, us 3 embracing for impact into a car from one of the 3 directions ahead of us. We ended up going up the hill on 79th street and I pulled the car over after some car almost hit us, honking wildly at us, and threw the car into park as we slowed down going up the hill. The 3 of us just looked at each other, said, "what the fuck?" and then tried to figure out what the hell had happened and how we did not get hit by one oncoming car that entire run the highway to the part of the hill that stopped us (mind you, Manhattan is almost COMPELTELY flat land and the odds of there being a hill are slim to none. I can only imagine how bad of an accident we'd have gotten into had it been a flat straight away after getting off the highway.

Ok, so this is 11pm that this all happened. We all got out of the car and decided to pop the hood to see if there was any break fluid since there was no pressure on the break. There was NONE. I made Scott ask the doorman at the building we were parked in front of if he knew where to get break fluid as I had Ian looking up places on his cell phone to call and see if they had any either. After Scott wandering the local streets and Ian failing at finding a place near by, the two of them hopped a cab to some mechanic up in the high 90s on broadway. Apparently they dealt with the worst salesman ever. They asked the guy for 2 bottles of break fluid just to make sure in case there was a leak we'd have a spare bottle to have. The guy goes "nah... I think you just need one." The two of them replied back with something like "we'd feel safer with two. Just give us two bottles, ok?"

They showed up back at the car, I popped the hood, we poured an entire bottle of break fluid into the car. Noticed it was going down a little. Then, we crawled under the car to see a gyser of break fluid streaming like water from a faucet out of the break line. Around this time, I threw my arms in the air and started yelling anger.

I called my mom for the second time. The first time, I tried explaining to her the whole situation to let her know I may need the roadside assistance info. What that turned into was me yelling at her for not listening to me and hanging the phone up on her (yes ladies, and I'm single too). She called the roadside assistance for me, and then called me back complaining how she can't stand dealing with outsourced companies with people who can barely speak English. What happened next? I get a phone call from the roadside company with the same lady saying she got a call saying that I needed a tow. I swear to God, I wanted to murder this woman for not understanding a word I was saying. I'd talk slow, I'd talk loud... I would be punching the roof of my car followed by thrashing in agony at how ridiculous it was that this woman could not get simple instructions down right. I kept telling her I wanted the car towed to this town outside of manhattan in Westchester County. She thought the town's name was the name of the street and I would go "no, it's in New York, the state." She goes "new york city?" Shit like that, over and over as Ian and Scot laughed at me flipping the fuck out.

What happened next was the most mind numbing waiting game ever. Basically the woman with the horrible accent said the tow truck would be there by 2am. From 12 to Well after 3 when the guy finally rolled up was the 3 of us sitting in the car losing our minds. Eventually, we all lost it and were just laughing at the stupidest things. We had all finally snapped. I wish I recorded some of our antics and nonsense conversations, but whatever.

When the guy showed up, Ian hopped in a cab back to his apartment, and Scott and I had the pleasure of riding with this guy, couldn't be that much older than us, blasting whatever was on the radio, as we shook violently whenever the damn thing would go faster than 50 miles per hour (the dude obviously had a fucked tire or a bent axle and would just ignore it as Scott and I felt like our brains were being violently shooken from our skulls). The best part of the guy taking the car back off the flatbed he had? He forgot there was no breaks and almost plowed into some car he tried parking my car behind. I got out of the truck after filling out all this info for him, and see the car is in the middle of the road, sideways. He goes "oops. Forgot about the breaks til the last minute, had to swerve the car.

The fucking towing fee was over 200 bucks, fuck me.

Ontop of that, Scott and I started walking through two til my mom got the two of us. I didn't get home til around 4:30am and usually when that happens, it means it was a long night out drinking. Not last night obviously.

INTERMISSION
(Feel free to grab some snacks and drinks)

Thursday night. Oh Thursday night. Scott and I were bored, but didn't know what to do. It turned into deciding to go to Down the Hatch. Reasoning? We wanted to see if the girl with giant cans was working. If not, at least there'd be some loose NYU girls probably slutting it up in there. Scott called Mike Dani, Jose and then texted TJ since him and Dennis were in the city already. Mike and Jose declined. and TJ and Dennis said they'd meet us up later.

We showed up and realized all drinks were 3 dollars all night. Looked at each other and Scott said "guess we're not gonna have to worry about spending too much money anyway." LIE! WE both blew about 60 to 80 bucks each (fucking shot after shot is what got us). Highlights. Two of us are sitting at the bar, drinking and talking. This MESS of a girl just shoves herself right between us and shoves us apart. First she starts talking to Scott. Then to me. I really wish I bashed her even more than I started to. Eh, whatever. While she was talking to Scott, I spit my gum out onto the bar table top. I then placed it on a beer coaster and kept trying to slide it under her arm or hand while Scott kept her distracted by keeping the inane convo going. Eventually, I started taking lemon and lime slices and placing them about her. The bartender saw this and took everything off the table when I left for the bathroom at one point. The best was, I guess around the time I was in the bathroom, one of the bartenders asked Scott if he knew this girl. Scott's reply was a very violent headshaking to imply his answer was a "no". The girl would not go away til I started saying something along the lines of her being a rude disgusting person and between that and Scott's ignoring her, she realized she was not welcome near us.

Oh, lets see what else there was. Two SLUTS at the opposite end of the bar. One kept making eye contact with me. Everytime we'd both go outside for a cigarette, I'd try and stike up a convo with her but someone WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE! First time it was a bum. I started telling him I'm broke and started walking away and he asked me for money. I turn to him, put my hood up on my head, and go "it's fucking cold and I don't have health insurance, so this is what I do to avoid getting sick and paying doctors bills." he goes "... so can I have a dollar?" I go "NO!" Another time, this guy starts going off on Italians and I get heated into the convo. One guy was half Italian and half Chinese. Once I was informed of this, I kept calling him Chi-talian. Around this time, TJ and Dennis showed up too, so I kinda veered off to say what's up to them. TJ had a stuffed dog that he won at this new Carnival bar somewhere near Union Square. We ended up talking to two girls outside the bar before even entering. I don't remember how the convo started but I do recall telling the story about how I made a college review guy think I was half black/hispanic to get into the college and it totally worked somehow.

Later on we went inside and TJ handed off the stuffed dog to me. That is when I put it up on my shoulder like a shoulder wrap and evntually put it atop my head and walked around the bar wearing this stuffed dog like a hat. People kept coming up to me and asking what the hell I had on my head, girls were cheersing me their drinks, etc. Eventually TJ grabbed the dog before going over to a table of girls to talk to them as Scott and I sat there laughing at this woman I kept screaming "BIG BIRD!" at. Sweet anola gay! She had this giant, over permed, over bleached buffont. Way too tight jeans that were going up her anus. Oh, and her face? Imagine taking a beat face, putting saran wrap over it, and then blow drying it to ceal it to ones face. Yea, that kinda ugly.

Eventually, TJ and Dennis headed for home and Mike Dani showed up after he changed his mind about meeting us up. The 3 of us just drank and drank and finally I got to talking to one of the sluts from across the bar. First convo didn't go off as planned and blew up in my face. Second one, I learn she was older than me by 3 years and looked hot as shit and not showing any signs of withering away anytime soon. Of course, as soon as I get in good with her, some douchebag she knows comes out and cock blocks me to no end til I get fed up with being a douche right back to him.

Eventually we left and had the fat feast. Me, Scott and Mike went to Papaya Dog. Scott got what I'm gonna have to start refering to as "the usual feast", then he said he was still hungry, and Mike said he refused to let me go anywhere near my car til I ate a little more to sober up. So, Scott threw me a 20 and told me to go grab a pie from Joe's. Scott waited around the corner while I ordered the pie. Right before I left, I shoved a glass salt shaker onto the floor, causing glass shards and salt to go everywhere. The entire staff looked at me, one started yelling. I grinned like an idiot and ran out, box of pizza in hand laughing like an idiot.

The reason Scott does this now when we get Joe's pizza dates back to about 2 years ago around October/November when John came from New Mexico to visit. We went to Joe's to get pizza. The guy serving us was a total dick to Scott and John. John asked for meatballs on his pizza. Scott asked for a plain. John got a plain slice and Scott got a Mozzerella slice. When they asked what the fuck was up, the guy shrugged his shoulders and was like "no special orders." Scott, in a rage, storms out of Joe's, goes to the curb, grabbed a big wet smelly full garbage bag, walks back to the entrance of the store, opens the door, and then proceeded to launch the garbage bag at the employees. I was not aware of the whole situation or how bad it was until Scott, John, Jose and whoever else was out with us all booked it down the street and I sat there, lighting up a cigarette, clueless, until I heard John go "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING STANDING THERE? RUN!"

So yea, that's about it. The ride home consisted of us 2 stuffing pizza in our mouths as we drove down the FDR and 87 to get back home, blasting Lady Gaga and screaming like assholes the entire ride home.

To sum it up nicely, Merideth questioned one of Scott's post on twitter regarding that night that said: "I've had enough pizza and lady gaga to shake a stick at... "

When questioned about this by her, his response was: "It was a regular maelstrom of dude dancing in the car on the ride home." I think it can go without saying she did not reply back to him up until this afternoon once she recieved THAT text.

So yea, Lord only knows what insanity await tonight for Mr Mike DeLisi's birthday party tonight. We're supposed to go bar hopping all the dive bars up and down St Marks street. Knowing me, I'll end up wandering down to Crif Dogs and/or Nino's Pizza... possibly end up storming Jared and Desiree's apartment the block over like I'm the Spanish Inquisition. Who knows.

Oh, and how can I forget, after a sure to be long painful day at work Sunday morning, I am going to catch H2O for their 15th Anniversary show at the Knitting Factory (which apparently moved out to Brooklyn now) for this 250 only admittance, no barricades, show. Shit is gonna be OFF-THE-FUCKING-WALL!

Great Moments in Ramy History

Once in a while, I come up with some great lies to tell people. Last night's was one of them. How awesome was it? I basically ruined some date going on that consisted of a couple who met on Match.com. Haaaaa!

We were at that fucking hotel in Union Square, um... I forget the name of the hotel, but the bar in it is called "Under Bar" and the hotel is located on the corner of 17th and Park Ave South. Not my cup of tea for drinking there, but we went there cause the bar Dennis wanted to go to had a 10 minute wait and I am not one to wait on lines. I think the funniest part was, Romil gave me his nice gloves and I kept yelling how I am not wearing dead animals on my hands to get into a club, to make a scene. Ontop of that, it was fucking hilarious that Dennis and Romil were so drunk that they thought putting nice gloves on me was gonna negate the fact I was wearing my dirty old jacket, combat pants, and a Samhain hoodie under the jacket. Oh, and I was wearing my dirty-ass Vans (which reminds me, time to buy some new every day sneakers).

ANYWAY, I digressed the fuck out of this story already.

So, we get to Under Bar, i am yelling that I don't wanna be there and just wanna go back to Union Bar (seriously, over crowded hotel bar vs bar with hot bartenders who give us discounted to free drinks? There should be no question as to who wins that fight. It's like tying a child to a pole and pummeling him with blunt objects and calling it fair fight). But yea, Dennis and Romil were not giving in to my arguments (more like whiney bitching) that we should go back to Union Bar and that it was stupid to have left that bar. After the first bout of yells, I tell Dennis to get me a drink. Around this time, one couple sees me and the girl is like "what are you yelling about? How can you yell at your friend like that?" I go him... he's um... my publicist... and a bad one at that!" I then go off on how my imaginary book has been delayed repeatedly, my advertising deals with companies falted, etc etc. Suddenly, the girl seemed more interested in me than her date it seemed. The guy, at one point, tried calling my bluff by asking if I'm a writer, what books have I had published. Quick thinking lead to me saying something like "Oh, well, I have published many short pieces in various publications across Manhattan, but this book is to be my first full-on book." I just know he was saying touché in his head. At one point, I grabbed Dennis to the side, and said "you're my fucking publicist. I have a book coming out. If you talk to them, tell them some cockamaimy story about how this fake book is being postponed over and over again and I'm gonna say it's all your falt and so on and so forth." He's like "I like where this is going, this is a good one. Why haven't we used this yet to pick up women?" I'm like "we're doing it now, you're on. It's publicist mode now for you."

Later on, the girl stepped away from the guy she was with, grabbed me to come closer to her, asked me if I smoked, and then when I said yes, dragged me outside and starts telling me about how she's on a second date with this guy. She can't stand him. How he is beyond lame, and all he has going for him is he dresses well (earlier in the conversation with the couple I said something about how I prefer to dress like a vagabond than dress nice and my "publicist" was complaining about the way I dressed).

After making a scene in the bathroom and running out before staff and hotel guests alike came after me with pitchfork and torch, I ran to Romil who told me we were gonna leave and try to get back into this other bar Dennis wanted to go to. The girl asked me who Romil was. I told her "uh, my lawyer. We need to talk over business so I invited him out." AS I was leaving, and saying goodbye, I told them I was scheduled to make another appearance at a bar down the street.

Getting into THAT bar included Dennis and Romil trying to convince me wearing Romil's gloves is what was going to get me into the bar. Yes, giant padded leather gloves are like the golden ticket to Willy Wonka's Factory. You know what got me in? Me being a wiseass and saying some stupid shit that I was already in the bar and came out for a smoke.

Thinking back, while I was on this roll of rolls, I should have came up with a good name. Scott and I are good at coming up with stupid names (if you haven't been able to tell by the past blogs with fake names we give to girls or for sign up sheets and such at bars, we also like to list fake, funny names when really bored, to remember for later).

Now, if you'll excuse me. I have been feeling nauseous all morning and am waiting for everyone to leave the office so I can puke my brains out in peace. With all this nausea lately, I'm starting to think I'm pregnant. ugh, and I already puked in my mouth once today. It's not gonna be pretty once these people get out of here finally.

Monday Dollar Beers

I haven't gotten that hungover as I was this morning in YEARS. It was one of those ones where you lay there in pain, you want nothing more than the cool side of the pillow and bed, but you can't find it, you want some kind of cold drink but the cup that's usually filled with water sitting next to your bed for just such occasions is beyond dry. You want nothing more than for this hangover to go away. Yea. I wished nothing but death's sweet embrace to make this thing go away.

Close to 9 o'clock last night, Scott came by and picked me up to go to the city for Janell's birthday. the entire ride down to the city, Eddie kept texting me to hurry my ass and get the going to meet em up. Scott and I agreed we'd see how bad we were feeling (both of us were pretty fucked up from Sunday night and were not feeling too hot) and then take it from there. Our plan was to leave and go home... then I mentioned we'd obviously need to make a stop off at Down the Hatch and see if the bartender with the enormous rack was working, THEN we'd see if we wanted to go home or not.

But yea, last night was quite the fucking cluster fuck of What the Fucks and how the's?

I dunno where to even start. I guess I'll start with the night beginning with Scott, Dave and I telling each other funny stories while trying to see if there was any hot girls in the bar (which there really wasn't ANYONE in the bar at that point, yet). Scott and Dave played a game of beer pong against Eddie and some other friend of his I never remember the name of (mainly cause the only interaction I've had with this kid is him laughing at my stupid antics). Anyway, around a few shots in of the game, this gestapo of a woman comes marching over with this shirt that looked like it was straight out of women's fashion circa 1980. You know, those blazers women would wear that were like a man's suit jacket, but spiffyfied to look feminine? Yea, THAT is basically what she had on. Kinda fit in with her giant, man-ish, attitude and look. Anyway, she comes over asking who is playing the next game. No one was really answering her. She was talking some pretty big game and it was fucking pathetic. Dave kept saying some shit to her and she was like "what's his name?" I go "who, Dave?" She goes "you're lying." I go, sure, ask him his name. So, she does. He replied back with saying his name was something like "Gerald" or something and we laughed at her as she goes to Scott and asks him the same question. He goes "Al, Al Dente." Oh my God, we laughed and laughed and she was like "Yea? well, we're gonna kick your fucking asses." Dave sinks a cup and goes "like that?" and then Scott followed up and sunk a cup and Dave goes "or, like that?" She said something like "yea... well, you suck and we're gonna win," and walked the fuck off cause she obviously got shut the fuck up, big time. And, I was just informed via text message from Scott that this girl was our age and was acting like she was some dumb 18 year old. Fucking wonderful.

This is the text I just got from Scott regarding his match against the man-girl and one of her blonde friends:

"Yea, we were playing them. I was cursing them out and making fun of them cause the blonde was being annoying and refusing to believe that we weren't playing the bounce rule. Then she wouldn't shut up about us being sore losers because of it and I started throwing the ball at her chest at 30mph."

After a while of this tall big bird looking blond girl hovering over me as I watched the game go down, I walked over to Janell and Lauren who were sitting at the bar and just chit-chatting. Around this time, I kept pounding down vodka-code blues that the bar has. Code Blue is like this "all natural" replenishment drink that is basically nothing but electrolytes and tastes like blue Powerade, which as you know, is nothing but food dye and shitty tasting Gatorade. i drank about 4 or 5 of them and that shit didn't help me this morning AT ALL, but, whatever. After a while I go outside and have a smoke and I see this blond girl and said something to her thinking she was this other blonde girl inside that was friends with the immature man-girl. Then I realized that it wasn't and we started talking outside, til her tall friend and the tall friend's boyfriend came and dragged her away from me.

I went back inside to order a drink and the girl came up behind me and kept poking me in the back with her elbow to get me to turn around. She ordered drinks like a fucking champ too. Not only that, but later on when Scott saw her, he goes "that is like the hottest girl I've seen in a while." Why in the fuck she was talking to me? I have no clue, but we'd have conversations throughout the night, and I'd think I kept blowing it, but she'd come back. Damn I was smooth last night. I also remember the semi-hot waitress talking with me a few times last night. I was on some kinda streak of awesomeness with the ladies and I don't even know how. It must've been they all heard me telling hilarious stories of buying toys and other childish shit in this day and age.

Another time I went outside this old thugish looking guy comes up to me and asks for a cigarette. Now, when I say thugish, I mean like he looks like he has a bunch of old prison tattoos and belongs/belonged to a biker gang. Voice like a ash tray. He and I were talking about bullshit with this girl outside and I was like "i'm gonna go off and leave you two alone. Then the guy asks me if I could buy him a beer. Guy had NO money. I'd keep walking away and he'd go and find me and ask for money. I was like "DUDE, it's DOLLAR beer night." At one point, he grabbed me out of my seat and dragged me into the bathroom. Eddie, Scott, Janell and Lauren all had this look on their faces of fear. I go "Yea, what the hell do you want?" He goes "dude, ya gotta lend me 5 bucks so I can close this deal with this girl." I throw 3 bucks at him and go "dude, this is all I have left. Take it and go." He didn't bug me the rest of the night but everyone else I was with was afraid this guy was gonna shank me or something in the bathroom. You gotta know though, when someone has a shitty tattoo on their face of a faded outline of a tear drop, they more than likely did get that for killing someone in prison, or at least fucked someone up big time, and I didn't wanna deal with that shit.

We stayed at the bar getting all kinds of retarded til it closed at 4am. After that, we all left together but Scott and I split from Eddie, Janell and Lauren when we decided to branch off and get pizza at Ben's on the corner of the block. First of all, this fucking disgusting flock of people swarmed in the place, being all loud and obnoxious. They took ALL the condiments and just brought it over to their table. This guy and I both went up to the table and were like "hey, um.. yea. How about you don't take all the condiments so other people can use em too?" Scott and I then sat in the corner of this place, eating and just muttering how disgusting these people were and that they were fucking animals, and how they should be taken out by a gun shot to the back of their heads.

We then took turns pissing all over this gate to an alleyway on the street Scott parked on, cursing out some bum to get away from us, and then driving home blasting some of the most flamboyant music ever, singing like jackasses the entire ride home.

Pooper Bowl

Jesus. Things not to do. Drink about 5+ shots of Jager after taking a bottle of vodka down like a champ. Oh, and Cash and JV introduced me to something that I imagine would've gotten me pant-shitting drunk if I had more than the few sips I took of it. What is it? a little something called Patron and Mountain Dew. It is surprisingly not bad, and this is coming from someone who treats tequila like it's the holy water to my vampire.

I was supposed to wake up at 6:30 this morning... obviously that did not happen. 2 alarms and a slew of texts going off and I did NOT wake up. I went to my advertising class I'm taking. Showed up right on time... and that was because the one parking spot left in all of Harlem was a no parking on Mondays between the hours the class was. Fucking 45 dollar ticket receiving joy!

Do you know an hour of advertising class was for me today? Trying not to puke and repeatedly just turning it into the Ramy comedy hour special/the how long can I try and not puke marathon. I am starting to think the teacher doesn't like my adverse advertising approach to the class. Things like "hey fucker, lets get fucking drunk" as a Budwiser commercial idea.

The night before was horrendous. It started with me, Mike and Scott headed to the city in my mom's car that I borrowed.As we're about to go past the Yonkers toll, I get a call from TJ. I told Mike to answer it. Apparently I as supposed to pick him up and I was too tired to realize this. The drive there was bad. I was just zoning out and not paying any attention. We almost crashed cutting around some guy cause instead of slowing down, I decided to gun it and take the off ramp extremely hard and fast. All you heard was tires screeching almost the entire bend of the off-ramp.

Then, I don't listen to where we're going. First, if I wasn't told right before the exit on the FDR, we would've missed it. Then, I park on 52nd and 2nd. Where did we have to go? 56th between 5th and 6th. We walked that in the freezing cold. We met up Dan, Romil and Mike Dani (fuck, I guess I'll just refer to the 2 Mikes by their last names, since unlike me, they don't have awesome nicknames to be called by... yes, my real name is Mike, deal with it).

Anyway, so we went to this place and kept ordering rounds. I was doing shots of Jager and chasing em with vodka sodas. (now that I think of it, doing that shit for 2 nights in a row is probably why my kidney is killing me). Anyway, we hung out there for a while then, when Meredith met us up, we split up into 2 cabs to head to another bar. I don't have any recollection of where this bar was or what it's name was. Oh wait, I'm a fucking idiot. It was in Murray Hill, right next to 515 I think?

I dunno. We got pretty blitzed. We stayed there til closing time. I left and got pizza with TJ. Mike went off somewhere, and so did Dan. Apparently I was supposed to drive Dan home? I didn't know he called me til I got home and saw I had all these missed calls and texts from him. I fucking hate not having my phone on a clip. I never feel it vibrating in my pocket. Then again, not like I ever answer my phone unless I'm home and bored outta my mind... and not sleeping.

But yea, I left Scott and Meredith in the city cause I was tired of waiting for them as me and TJ just sat next to my mom's car chain smoking and complaining about how bitterly cold it was.

And, what am I doing today? It's Janell's birthday, so in true Eddie and Janell fashion, they wanna go to Off the Wagon for their dollar beer special. Scott and I are gonna go and it's gonna be redonky (that's ridiculous for those of you that don't speak Ramy Retard). I basically I say this cause Scott is driving and I'm just gonna get extra sloppy.

Ugh, I've got to shave today... maybe. Ok, yea. My face is fucking itchy as fuck right now.

Also, as a PSA, I must say that everyone has got to listen to more Gorilla Biscuits. One of THE best New York hardcore bands.I've been listening to nothing but Start Today and this bootleg called "Walter Sings the Hits" which is basically the band, sans Civ, playing Start Today, live in a rehearsal room and with Walter singing instead of Civ (ok, so the title track "Start Today" is an instrumental on this bootleg and they didn't do First Failure or Sitting Around At Home). BUT, there's more on it too. It also has the Moondog 7". Who is Moondog, you ask? It's the band Walter Schreifels was in after Gorilla Biscuits which basically went no where but Walter basically turned it into a band you may know, Quicksand. One of the best post-hardcore bands in my opinion. Then, on top of THAT there's 2 live 7" bootlegs on there and it ends with some demos from 86 and 87, but they suck cause it sounds like a skipping cd or more likely, was a cassette tape getting stuck in the tape deck as it was being transferred to CD. I don't really care cause those demos had no life to them like the official albums have. That, and I have the 86 demos already, so I don't care.

So yea, if you're a GB fan, you should MOST DEFINITELY download it... if you're too lazy, just ask me and I'll email it to you or something.

What is This Cock Block You Speak Of?

Last night started out bland. Scott and I tried to figure who were were gonna hang out with. TJ was in PA. Mike was only staying in town. Loki, obviously didn't meet us up. Dan was staying in..... Then there's the fact I fell the fuck asleep and missed a bunch of Scott's phone calls as predicted when he got home from work and wanted to go out.

Woke up, showered, got dressed, picked up Scott and headed to the East Village. Half hour of looking for a parking spot later... the two of us went to Ace Bar to meet up Jose.

In there, it was kinda lame. Well, there were decent to hot looking girls, but they ALL had a boyfriend or some form of guy friend with them. Reasons we left after 2 drinks included, but were not limited to:

- a kid that looked like Lyle Lovett:



- a gay dude dancing up a storm around us:



- a crazy guy talking to himself loudly that I thought was talking to someone but Scott says was just a complete nut:



So yea, as for these 3 aforementioned, there was also only attention given to me, besides from Scott, by the racoon eyed bitch with some jerk-wad boyfriend she was with giving me the racoon eye every now and then. Oh, and there was a buncha guys that you could tell smelled of fat sweat that reeked of pot and one of them looked at me when I said it stunk in the bar.

We decided to go to Down the Hatch cause we figured the girl with the gigantic tits was working last night. Jose got there before us and texted Scott that she wasn't there, and that a buncha dudes were just hanging out. We went anyway cause Scott had intentions of blowing 180 dollars at the bar on shots. We walked in and first thing Scott does when we find Jose is order a round for the 3 of us. It included a shot of jager, a shot of american honey (honey flavored wild turkey), and a glass of gin and soda. We cheers'd the shot of jager to... I don't remember... sluts? We cheers'd the shot of american honey to... I don't remmeber that either, but then I cheers'd the last drink to "bar pigs".

First cigarette of the night for me was rock bottom. It was rock bottom cause this group of hot girls come walking up to the bounder, looking all hot, and this fat moron with a stupid face goes up to me and says "watch this." What does he do? Says "sup ladies?" gets horribly shot down by all 5 of them, and then as they're walking in the door, he mutters "stupid sluts," and they all turn around and one of them looks at me and goes "we're not sluts just cause you can't get any from us." I go "I DIDN'T FUCKING SAY ANYTHING! IT WAS THIS MORON NEXT TO ME THAT WAS HITTING ON YOU AND FAILING!" They all then turn to him and give him a dirty, dirty look and walk away. He was like "gee, thanks for taking that bullet." I go "thanks for ruining my chances later on in the night." I then go to put my hand out and shake his hand and go "my name's Ramy." He goes "Opie, O-P-I-E." I respond "I know how to fucking spell that name. Are you fucking kidding me? What horrible person burdened you with that name?" paused for a moment, and then go, "nevermind, i don't wanna fucking know," and walked back into the bar.

After a bit, these 2 nasty girls start eying us like we're a all you can eat Arby's buffet and to liven up the mood and also possibly scare them away, I started dancing around, bumping my ass into Scott and Jose as they yell at me "what in the FUCK are you doing?"

Around this time, I went to take a piss break. Scott, I and this other guy were all pissing in the bathroom at the same time and just yelling unintelligable death cries like assholes at each other, laughing in between grunts and yells. People started walking in and were scared as to what the fuck was going on.

Also around this time, well, after the bathroom incident obviously, I see this drunk pig at the end of the bar, eyeing me, and eventually pointing me out to her friend. I told Scott the situation going down and then he looked over and the friend was waving us over. Scott went and I let him see what was going down as Jose and I sat there drinking and nodding our heads.

Then, I don't remember how it happened but me and Jose ended up over there and I started talking to the girl who was waving us over, Scott was talking to her friend and I am pretty sure Jose was talking to another friend... or some other drunk skag that was in the general area.

Around my first cigarette break from talking to this one girl I go up behind this Asian dude in a leather jacket and tell myself (or more like one of those little fucker voices in the back of my head told me) to fuck with this kid. Why? I dunno. I think cause I find Asians in leather jackets to be most amusing. I kinda make sure the 3 of his friends make eye contact with me as I nod to kinda let them know I'm gonna do something to their friend. I then grab him by the shoulders, start shaking him and go "HEY MAN! IT'S FUCKING YOU!!!! HOW YA DOING!?!?!?" He just had the most confused look on his face as his friends tried not laughing. He then went along, pretending to know me and i said something like "hey man, long time no see. We had a blast back in the day, no? Remember that time we just sat there throwing hot dogs at each others assholes?" His friends one by one lost it and then i eventually busted out laughing and was like "sorry dude, I was just trying to get by you and I'm drunk. I don't really know you," and then walked away hysterically laughing to myself.

But yea, back to the bar hussies. The three amigos that we were last night ended up all fixated on talking to the girls that were talking to us from that group of friends we infiltrated. The fat one came over, smiled at me, and I kinda just looked at her blankly, shoved her outta the way and was like "you're blocking my view, get outta here." Oh yea, and the whole time, the guys these girls with kept butting in and tried cock counter-cock blocking us (cause apparently they came to the bar with these girls and we just got all up in their shit and snatched the pussy out from under them. GO US!

I think towards the end of the night, the other friends not getting attention from us and the guys got fed up and wanted to go home. The girl didn't have a cell phone but basically begged all her friends for a pen and paper. I ended up writing my number down for her on some kinda jack daniels postcard. Classy, no? If she actually calls me, I'll be surprised... I don't even remember her giving me a name. Oh well, whatever. Not like I used to have girls names in my phone with nonsense names my friends and I like to make up such as "donkey tits" or "melty face" or "girl with the chin I met at bla bla bla bar".

SO, we got hungry and went to Papaya Dog. 2 of the 3 dudes working there were there the last time in there, when these drunk hispanic dudes kept trying to fight the staff there. I kinda said what's up to the black guy but he didn't remember me. The hispanic dude remembered me though and started laughing cause he must've remembered how I was just calling the guys trying to fight them animals and shit. Scott ordered us a feast. All i wanted was a kenish and he comes back with chili dogs, french fries and jalapeno poppers. I look at him and go "where's the fucking kenish, ass?" He just shoves the food in my face, and with a mouth full of hot dog goes "shut up and eat." Towards the end of our feast of feasts, these 3 hispanic girls were standing next to us and being all loud. Scott said something and then they were like "you're jealous cause we're all hot and not talking to you." I think Scott said something like "no, you're dumb, loud and spanish." Something similar to what I said to this hispanic girl at a bar once. Reaction to me? I get dragged out of the bar by a giant bouncer. Reaction Scott gets? Just them being all delusional about how we're hot for them and just being "haters" or some stupid shit. This went on and on and even included me and Jose getting our 2 cents in, making fun of them and shit.

We then hopped a cab ride back to where I parked the car. I broke my cell phone clip, thus pissing me off in the process, and giving me yet another reason that I cannot wait any longer to get a new cell phone. After we paid the cabbie (read that as Jose drunkenly attempted to figure out how to work the touch screen credit card charge machine in the cab) walked in the wrong direction in the beyond freezing cold for a while looking for the car, and eventually found it and headed home. Jose, of course, falls asleep in the back seat and I tried waking him up when I got to the area he said his car was in. I hope to God he found his car cause I just kinda dumped him in the middle of Harlem and drove off without asking if he knew where to go.

Then, my favorite part of the night. Getting Scott the fuck out of my car. I should have just filmed it this time, but instead, I tried a new method. Just soffocating him by holding his nose and mouth closed and screaming "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR!" He hit me to get me off him and I started shaking him like a magic 8 ball and yelling at him that I was tired and want to go to sleep. I really should have recorded this cause the shit coming out of his mouth was complete nonsense. Then he was saying shit like "you're home, take me home." I go "no, YOU are the one that is home, get the fuck out!" I think he finally left when I went to the ol' raining blows upon him with my fists routine.

I really should start filming that portion of the night to show people what I am the only person who gets to see and deal with. I could put them out on video, like one of those Time Life collections.

The New and Improved RAMY BLOG!!!

***Now with more videos AND stupidity***

First and foremost, I'd like to introduce you all to me and TJ's new lord and savior that he discovered on the bathroom wall of Trash Bar out in Brooklyn.



Yes, it is HE! CHUCK JACKSON! ALL PRAISE TO CHUCK JACKSON! (dude, it's fucking half of Michael Jackson's face and half of Chuck Norris' face... you couldn't figure it out? What's wrong with you?)

Anyway, last night I decided what better time than to start bringing out my newly purchased Flip video camera (yea, cause I thought it'd be entertaining to record some of our stupidity) and what better way than to start the night with TJ using it to harass one of his sisters:



Ok, so that was pretty stupid and should've been deleted immediately, but I dunno. He and I found it funny and kept looping it as we were gearing up to go out last night.

So yea, we get down to Brooklyn, find a parking spot, park and walk a few blocks in the freezing cold, complaining the entire walk like little girls... ok, so maybe the little girls part was mainly me... shut up.

We get to the bar and there was some bad band on. I'm fairly sure a line in one of their songs was "I myspace deleted you." I'm not lying. Ok, well, it's known for me to see and hear what I want to see and hear and not what's actually being said or displayed. But yea, seriously? I should start writing songs called shit like "fair weather facebook friend" but I wont... cause I'd get harassed by one of my many friends who constantly badger me to make a facebook account. People, I have more than enough internet accounts to be vain about myself on that I don't need another one (that and I fucking hate facebook and that weasel that made that website).

ANYWAY, so yea, TJ orders a round of PBRs and shots of Jack. That was a hell of a lot of a shot cause it was served to us in this dixie cup sized plastic cup and felt like 2 shots in one. All for a measly 5 bucks people. A fucking STEAL! But enough digressions (which I am like the fucking KING of). TJ and I go outside to smoke a cigarette as we wait for Jared and Desiree to show up. Our first encounter with absurdness came in the shape of a um... shapely black woman yelling at some kid with a cheesy hipster mustache, saying shit like "YOU BE 12 YEARS OLD! FUCK YOU!" then comes over to TJ and I and begins with her attempted advances on us. It was BAD. The two of us were playing overly dumb as to try and avoid acknowledging her disgusting sexual shit she was saying to us. I don't even know where to begin with what the convo went like, and I'm not calling TJ just to ask him... yet. It went something like her coming on to us straight up. OH! Somehow she was saying something about how a girl will like me for me and not for my hair (cause I was yelling at her to stop touching me and mussing my hair up. TJ goes "you hear that Ramy, girls are pretending they're disgusted when you pick your nose and flick it." I was like "you mean I can keep harvesting my collection of them under my desk at work?" Then she said something lewd to the extent of desks being used to measure penis size. It went something like "only thing i'm interested about under a desk is how much is measures down there..." I go "my booger collection? It was pretty big until the cleaning lady discovered it. Bitch ruined everything!" Then she starts asking me what I am. I told her Italian and she said it figures (whatever the fuck that was supposed to mean). Then she says to TJ "and you probably are too... hrmph!" TJ Goes "no, I'm Greek" and she just goes right up in his face and starts tugging on the chest area of his shirt and goes "OH! MY MR STAVARAPOLIS!"Tj goes "no, more like Mr John Stamos... or how about Mr George Michael." I started laughing my ASS off and the bitches go "that's gay as shit!" So me and Tj started acting like a gay couple to try and scare her off, me saying shit like "it was horrible how they arrested that poor George Michael. They arrested him playing the 'I'll show you mine if you show you yours' game, terrible." I eventually realized this was gonna keep going on unless something was up and she was not taking no for an answer... so I just pointed in one direction and walked in the opposite direction of where I pointed, which was inside, mumbling something about helping Jared set his guitar up and jetting into the bar.

The night went on as such. About a shot of jack, PBR and 4 vodka sodas in, I am told that the original bassist of Activator that's been keeping in touch with Jared to try and get back into the band is roommates with John Stainer. Of course I had to make some bullshit convo and get him into it before the night was over... and I did. Muttering something about Symptoms of the Universe by Black Sabbath (when he was in Helmet, they were in the Jerky Boys movie. Ozzy was their manager in the Scene and Helmet played a cover of that Sabbath song as one of the funniest scenes in that movie was going down.)

Um, OH LORD. Last night was the EPITOME of short tempers on display last night. One dude wanted to fight me cause I had to kinda lean up and over his girlfriend to get my drink from the bartender cause this couple REFUSED to move when I said excuse me. When I said thank you to the bartender for giving me a new drink the guy in the couple went "NO! EXCUSE ME IS MORE LIKE IT!" I was like "um.... excuse me? What?" He goes off at me for being rude and climbing over his girlfriend to get a drink. I explained to him calmly what the situation was and politely told him that he was in the wrong. Bad thing to do. He got angrier at me. I was like "fine! I'll say it again to appease you, EXCUSE ME! I wont order from this bar anymore cause apparently it belongs to you and ma'lady." and I did a fucking curtsy bow to them and walked away.

and the best one was this dude had these GIANT glasses on the entire night at the bar. At first, walking in, I pointed him out to TJ and said "dude, who's Kanye over there?" followed by me laughing my ass off. Later in the night I go up to him and go "dude, you gotta tell me, where did you get those glasses?" he tells me some place I knew I wasn't gonna remember and then he goes "why do you ask?" I go, "i'm sorry, but you look like fucking Prince with those things on." HE was FUMING with anger that I said that. He told me to leave as him and his friends started getting in my face and I just kept laughing right in their faces as they threatened me. Later on in the night one of his friends was outside smoking and I was talking about how this guy was pissed that I complimented his glasses. The dude butted in and was like "you called my friend a faggot, that's why he was pissed." I was like "NO! I said those shits were bad ass." He goes "mother fucker, you don't tell someone they look like Prince." I was like "well, he looked like a scene outta Purple Rain if you ask me. You know, back in the day, Prince was the shit." He goes "yea, you old. Kanye is the new hotness. Why couldn't you say he looks like Kanye?" I go "dude, Kanye is a faggot." He replied with "Mother fucker, Prince has ruffles in his shirt. That fucker is the faggot." I was like "man, just admit it, Prince is the shit." He retorted with "...TO YOU!" he's like this ain't the 80s, your generation is over," and stormed of.

But wait, there's more of these situations... the last band was the equivalent to if the guys from the late night special had a musical group. It was basically them air humping all slow and sexual as they spit the WORST rhymes I've ever heard. Me, TJ and Jared had to walk through a crowd that would not get out of our way after repeatedly asking people to please move, to get to the stage, grab Jared's gear, and then plow our way through a crowd watching this BET After Hours music video (have you ever watched that shit when you were younger? God, I have the worst taste in television viewing. Fucking all I used to watch was that and Telemundo... I'm fucking serious). Anyway, we finally left, along with the cold stares of a million eyes being darted at me as I left the bar, and me laughing to myself.

At one point towards the end of our bout at the bar, this girl, maybe it was Desiree? I don't remember, said that she loves Jersey Shore and the Situation. I go up and say "You like the Situation? How about this!" I lifed my shirt up, let my beer gut hang out in alls it's glory, and say "This is the aggravation!" i then kept my shirt up, walking up to random girls at the bar and kept rubbing it as I seductively stared at them like a creep (well, I ALWAYS look like a creep, so whatever)

We finally got back to Jared's, loaded his equipment into his apartment, woke up Desiree, who fell asleep in TJ's car on the ride there, and we went to 7A to eat. Now, most of you don't know, but me, Jared and usually TJ would go to 7A after a night of terrorizing the Lower East Side when we were younger. Ok, so maybe it was only 5 or 6 years ago, but it feels like it was an eternity away. We wouldn't just go in there, we'd be pass out drunk when we got in there. Most of the times it would end with me face first in my plate of food, muttering drunken gibberish. I'd be asked to leave, whatever. BUT, this time, something happened. According to an eye witness account (it was TJ), this girl walked in.... wait, first of all, we walked in and there was a gay dude with a black streak of makeup across the eye area of his face and his black tranny boy/girlfriend that eyed us as we walked in and growled at me and TJ. Gross... ANYWAY, back to the main story. We are sitting, food is ordered and we're waiting. a girl walks in and walks by this group of Indian guys hanging out at the bar in the diner (why you'd hang out at the bar of a diner, I do not know... oh wait, it as after hours, that's why... but yea, one of the guys wouldn't let the girl pass ,and tried hitting on her... here's a compilation video of what I managed to capture:



So, besides the above mentioned of her going off at the group of Indian dudes at the bar, she goes at it with another girl, who looked like Latoya Jackson circa 1981, which TJ went up to and was like "what did you do?" She goes "You sound just like my husband... always blaming me for things." Then, she started flipping her hair around and goes "I was just sitting here, being beautiful, and this girl starts shit with me for no reason." Tj looked at her, and sarcastically goes "ok, you keep sitting there and be beautiful."

After this all went down, Desiree goes up to the night manager and starts saying that was fucking rude and this and that. The guy starts cursing her out and is like "I don't have to serve you, you know?" and basically kicked us out and told us not to come back. Please, I've heard that so many times... according to Boarders Books, I have 3 life bans on that store... too bad they're all but shut down now. The reasons we'd get banned were always hilarious. Highlights included luke grabbing an Mxpx cd from the cd section, spitting on it, and then kicking it across the store. Ripping out articles from magazines, jeff trying to return old coloring books his sister drew in years prior and then telling the guy we were gonna have a book burning session if he didn't take the books back (the dude was a total book loving nerd)... and i am SERIOUSLY digressing here.

But yea, TJ and I drove home, blasting the late birthday present I gave him of Screeching Weasel's How to Make Enemies and Irritate People (fitting title for what I did all night last night, if ya ask me) and Pump Up the Valuum by Nofx. Ate some kinda zucchini/potato/tomato/cheese cornucopia of food one of TJ's sisters made for dinner before we left.

So yea, like I predicted, my flip is STILL not done recharging for tonight's chicanery which will include, but not be limited to, me dancing around TJ's basement like an asshole to Lady Gaga as we throw a house party (apparently). Whose invited? Obviously not you. Oh, and I am gonna go to Toys R Us with Dennis in a bit to buy stupid shit. I WILL find that damn orange fuzzy Yo Gabba Gabba hat and glasses combo:



and dance around like this:



Screaming, "MY NAME is RAMY! I LIKE TO DANCE!!!!"

... if this is not done, than I'll look for the Darth Vader voice changing helmet and be yelling this a lot.

I Will Bring Down The Ugly in the World

I have come to the conclusion that if I do not DESTROY the cast of Jersey Shore I have to kill myself. It's that simple.

Yes, I am fucking serious.

One of these fucking Mongoloids, Pauly D or some shti like that, was "DJ-ing" at Sutton Place. Guess who wanted to go to Sutton Place tonight and drove past the bar looking for a parking spot to see a line down the fucking block? THIS GUY! (guess who also got woken up to "lets go out" and then when a stones throw from the FDR gets told "oops, I forgot my wallet" This luckiest son of a bitch in the world typing these words.

Yea, OH! Did I mention how angry I was before I even stepped foot of the bar I ended up going to instead? Yea, I mean, besides seeing the long ass line to the bar I WANTED to go to and was told some piece of shit was using his ipod to play HORRENDOUS fucking music into a PA system? I tried getting a parking spot, but this cab kept creeping up my ass and honking at me to move up so he could squeeze through the street (cause you know, GOD FORBID someone has the paitence to let someone park their car or the know how to pass around said car). So, after I let this guy go around me, a car pulled into the spot as I was backing up towards it. Then, by some retard luck, I pulled around the corner and saw someone pulling out of their spot. As I was waiting, I saw someone start waiting behind me with some kinda intent to perform a coup attack to get the spot from me. What did this turn into? Me cursing like a sailor about how I am gonna smash their massive fucking nose into their skull by curb stomping them, all while parallel parking. They drove off and I kept cursing at them til they were far from my angry yelling range.

I showed up to Opal with Scott and Mike Dani to see Romil and Ian were hanging at the bar, since Scott told them we were coming into the city and Ian was already in th area and Romil just got back from a date. Maybe 2 seconds later, Loki and Mary showed up cause Scott told them as well to meet us up there.

We started off taking shots of Jager in honor of the bar being over flowing with the scum of the earth that couldn't get into Sutton Place to see that fucking orange skinned mongoloid ruin their ear drums with shit and cerebral paulsy bellowings into the mic. GOD! I wanted to go into that bar just to spit in his fucking face cause i was so annoyed with all these people coming into a fine establisment like Opal and sullying it with their over gelled hair and OH MY GOD, this one girl had a bleached "poof" so fucking big I kept calling her Bart Simpson. most of the night was me being a giant asshole to people I didn't know (what else is fucking new?)

I think the only time I had a good time was when the DJ at Opal put Tik Tok on by Kesha as I was walking back into the bar from having a cigarette and I just got up in everyone's face dancing like a complete asshole and I was making these 2 random hot girls fucking tear from laughing so hard at my antics. Then, Lady Gaga came on and I started up again dancing around and getting in people's faces and shaking my ass at them like I was a dumb bimbo. This lead to this almost plain girl coming up to me and talking to me.

I think the truely bad downfall of my already in the gutters evening was when I went to the back bar of Opal. First of all, I never go back there because it's like a danceateria for the mentally challenged. But yea, Romil, Mike and Scott disappeared into the back so Ian and his brother who met us up later on were like "let's go back there." First of all, the bartender took my order, walked away and started flirting with some triolobite of a human being for a while and as I started to get agitated, Neil (aka Ian's brother) went across the bar and basically said "are you gonna serve us or what?" So yea, i get my drink and head in the back to see Mike and Scott are talking to these fucking HAGS in their late 30s/early 40s and I am told not to say anything by Romil. I was told to let them do their thing. FINE, whatever. Then the blond psudo-plain girl comes up to me and grabs me by the hand and drags me off to the side. This ended quickly cause some other MONGO came up to me and I told him with the Diso light effects, he looks like R2D2 busted a nut all over his face and he was apparently trying to get with this girl too and shoved me away and I had to calm myself from throwing a left hook all up in his grill. So, I walk back to where everyone else was and the fucking piece of shit Scott was talking to gave me a dirty look, said something to me and walked away like she was better than me. I WENT OFF! Oh my God, I have never perpetuated the beating of women (ok, maybe in joking) but LORD! I wanted to grab this girl... excuse me, grandma, in the back of the head and smash her fucking botched plastic surgery face right into the fucking repeatedly wall til her teeth fell out. Romil had to grab me and drag me out of the bar. This turned into the "you have to let go of your anger, you cant keep doing this, it's gonna consume you," speech (here's a hint, I am the epitomy of every speech the Emperor gave in the original Star Wars series about hate and anger by this point in my life).

I got fed up, and wanted to leave to another bar. Ian, Neil and Mike Dani decide to go to Turtle Bay. If you know me, I am not fond of that place, but will go in as a last resort. First of all, every bouncer thought I was already dealt with by them cause you know, every fucking Italian in the tri-state area showed up to this part of town and I guess we all look alike? I dunno. I get in there and who could be DJing in there? The worlds worst DJ. If you don't know, I've been pulled away from the DJ booth at that place for telling the DJ he is ruining people's lives with his beyond reproach taste in music and the fact he will play that siren sound effect every Dj plays, but he will play it over something like "all the Small Things" by Blink-182... which who in their right mind plays at a bar? Outside the bar I talked to some girl, but as usual, some fucing piece of shit swooped in and had to cock block me which seemed to be my problem whenever I talked to a girl last night... I think my anger may be stemming from the fact girls would show interest in me and then every single one changed their minds and talked to the more in shape guy with the cleaner cut look and doesn't have the tan of someone who has been hiding in a cave their entire lives. Oh, and how can I forget the hot girl that starts talking to me, and then kinda pushes me off to her less attractive friend? Yea, that was fun. Thanks, you skanky bitch.

i was in such a bad mood at this point that, while on the line for the bathroom, i picked one guy out in the line and began just relentlessly making fun of him. I started with his hair. Then when I got to his Ed Hardy hoodie, I just let fucking loose. "Do you use your love of tigers and dragons on elaborate designs as a pick up line for other men?" "How many times a week do you fantasize about sucking off Christian Audigier?" "How does Ed Hardy water taste? Does it give you the vitamins you need to keep that look of someone having shit on your head?" (ok, I can't remember the hate I was spewing from my mouth at this time cause I was just hoping he'd swing at me so I could dessimate him, but it never happened). We ended up leaving, everyone but me getting pizza, and then I had to drive Ian and his brother back to Inwood and Mike back to Pelham, where I am amazed how I found his house on the ride there (I've only been there once before last night) and then the JOY of not finding my way back home.

So yea, I got home at like 6am to have to wake up and be at work at 9:30. What did I do? Showed up an hour late to work, cursed out co-workers. left early to go to the cafe across the street, hit on the girl with the big ass and busted face that works there, came back to the office to eat my sandwich, made fun of an employee, and have been sitting here deciding if I wanna meet up Loki after work to get drunk and watch football with the possibility of lashing out at more people I don't know to vent my anger that has carried over from last night into today.

So, you know that saying that one action can affect something on the other side of the world? Well, the action of Sutton Place hiring that mongo from Jersey Shore steam rolled, not across the Earth, but down the block, to me, wanting to perform some kinda killing spree/suicide attempt. (seriously, it disgusts me that people like that in the world get praised instead of booed until everyone's thraot is sore or stoned to death, biblical style)

... and for some reason for the past two days I've been waking up thinking of Carlos Nobrega's death. I dunno why. 2 days ago I woke up thinking of his lip tattoo he had and this morning I had a memory of getting the phone call from Al when he called to tell me that he died in a car accident and I had to pick Al up from the airport when he flew in for the funeral. Now I can't stop listening to Minutes to Midnight which I associate with this poor kid's death cause it came out the day that Carlos died and that's basically all me and Al listened to the entire time Al was back in NY for the wake, funeral and nights sitting in those Tarrytown bars just sulking that his best friend died.